Perils, Pitfalls & Promise of the "Twelve & Twelve"

A.A. Co-Founder, Bill W.

In a letter dated October 5, 1953, A.A. co-founder and author, Bill W., wrote of the expectations he had for the newly-penned 'Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions'. "At first," he observed, "I was dubious whether anyone would care for it, save oldtimers who had begun to run into life's lumps in areas other than alcohol. But apparently, the book is being used to good effect even upon newcomers." ('Pass It On', at page 356.)

Of course, many in A.A. nowadays hold fast to the notion that the Twelve and Twelve is ruinous to A.A., and/or that its use, particularly its exclusive use, with newcomers is perilous to their prospects of attaining and maintaining sobriety. To my mind, and in my experience, such A.A. "fundamentalists" or "Big Book Thumpers" are right . . . but only partially right. Along with the perils and pitfalls that the Twelve and Twelve can present to overly-reliant newcomers, the book holds great promise and practical spiritual wisdom for the more seasoned alcoholic addict in recovery when he or she is presented with life's inevitable challenges.

In words that have quite literally saved the lives of millions of alcoholic addicts, and in a manner that the reader can use to see if he or she is alcoholic, the 'Big Book' ('Alcoholics Anonymous') clearly sets out the physical and mental aspects of the disease, a spiritual solution to this primarily mental illness, and a process of steps that can (and are) used to effect a spiritual solution to the malady. I know of few, if any, members with long-term sobriety that would start a newcomer off without going through the 'Big Book.' The methodology for working through the 12 Steps is invaluable, particularly the concise directions for getting through Steps 4 through Step Nine (a.s.a.p.) and, thereby, initiating a process of spiritual awakening that promises to arrest and alleviate the effects of the disease. Likewise, I know few (if any) old-timers who do not, or have not, benefited from what is laid out in the Twelve and Twelve.

My experiences with the 'Big Book' and the 'Twelve and Twelve' over several decades have been decidedly mixed, as I suspect the experience of many others probably have been.

In my case, by happenstance and misleading advertising, the first group I joined was a Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions group. (It was announced that February was "membership month" and that the group still had several "openings" which were available. Knowing nothing of A.A. - or recovery, for that matter - and being but a few weeks sober, I thought I had better grab one of those openings before I was shut out.) I stayed with that group, maintaining my sobriety without relapse, for over five years, until I left to help start up another group and, shortly thereafter, to move to another city. In that time, week after week, we would go through the Steps, one after another in relentless fashion.  I remember nothing of what I shared, and now shudderingly marvel that there was anything of value I could have shared!

I learned but little about the true nature of my disease, but much about how to stay sober in that time. Additionally, I read the 'Big Book' cover to cover, as suggested, but little sank in, due not to the message in the book but to the prejudice and contempt I had for all things spiritual or, somehow, 'Godly.' (Not that I wouldn't participate in the Serenity Prayer, Lord's Prayer etc., and not that I didn't read my daily meditations from the 'Twenty Four Hours a Day' book, or 'Daily Reflections' when it came out. I would grudgingly do the little I was told to do, but only that much!)

During that time I was, however, taken through the Steps both by my sponsor and then by a relative "oldtimer" within my group utilizing the 'Big Book.' I listed my resentments and fears, inventoried my sex conduct, made the list, made amends etc., and it was beneficial - to me, my family, and my employer, etc. - yet I failed to grasp the key understanding that my life in sobriety had become and continued to be "unmanageable." (See page 61.) Thus, I was handicapped from the start in my ability to "enlarge" my spiritual being.

Sobering up at age 28 in the late-Eighties, I was one of the younger members of A.A. in my area. I therefore took much false solace in the Twelve and Twelve's description of the younger "alcoholics who still had their health, their families, (and) their jobs," etc. I was mightily relieved to read that I had been "spared that last ten or fifteen years of literal hell (other A.A.s) had gone through." (Little did I know, or suspect, that years of "figurative hell" were to come.) Reading through the rest of that paragraph in the Twelve and Twelve's first chapter, I utterly failed to grasp the meaning or importance of the following question:

"Since Step One requires an admission that our lives have become unmanageable, how could such people as these take this Step?

That is a great question, indeed. For my part, and to myself alone, I saw Step One as: "Admitting that I was powerless over alcohol (and other drugs) and that my life had (potentially) become unmanageable (if I ever drank or drugged again)." Keeping all the parts in brackets to myself, I marched on in sobriety, determined to get "Good Orderly Direction" in my life. For the next five years, I relied on my Twelve and Twelve meeting, my sponsor, and thereafter on the fellowship of AA to stay sober. (This worked for me to the limited extent that I stayed straight, but I adamantly warn off others who would try it this way. I've seen too many fatalities via this route.)

Just shy of 10 years sobriety, having completed a university education and graduate school, with a wife now sober, and with two small girls - one of them named for my first sponsor - I started a job as a newly-minted professional in a new city. The days and weeks were very long, life seemed manageable, and I made a conscious decision to stop attending A.A. in order to spend what little time was left over with my wife and kids.

Little did I know that the five years after that fateful decision would be an at-first slow descent into madness, a madness in which I finally lost marriage, family, career, house and my mind. Just as the oldtimers had warned me, all those things that I had put in front of my sobriety I had lost. Beaten by life and this disease, obsessing over escape from a painful and seemingly hopeless life via the bottle, I was brought back to A.A. and to a wise and loving sponsor who took me back through the Steps. The 'Big Book' was read and explained to me. Re-doing the Steps with a new understanding, I experienced the spiritual release that is available through our program of action. My mind was opened, and with the help of several spiritual mentors, day-by-day I began - with several epiphanies along the way - to grow spiritually.

Interestingly, not only had the import and significance of the 'Big Book' - its application to my life and circumstances - soared, but the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions had also become inextricably important to my growth in spirit and consciousness. With fifteen years clean and sober - most of it being "stark, raving sobriety" - I had become one of those whom Bill so mildly puts it "had begun to run into life's lumps in areas other than alcohol."

There are, indeed, perils and pitfalls along the way if one ignores the 'Big Book' in favour, grudgingly, of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, as I did. Some seem to avoid the mistakes that are so often made. I did not. But having survived these perils and pitfalls, I know that the Twelve and Twelve, holds much promise for further growth, written as it is for those who have already completed the 12 Steps as outlined in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous.

My closest spiritual mentor, a profoundly dedicated man with 35 years of sobriety at the time, often stressed that having taken the Steps and having recovered from the hopeless state of alcoholism - wet or dry - it is imperative that one incorporates Step Three, Step Seven and Step Eleven into one's daily life; relying on Step Ten where we screw up, and utilizing Step Twelve in carrying the message where we can. It is here, and in this process, that the experience of Bill's years of sobriety, as set out in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, becomes so important. Indeed, I find it is needlessly hard, if not impossible, to practice these Steps without the various spiritual nuggets of wisdom he shares there.

Consider, as examples, the following passages from the essays on Steps Three, Seven and Eleven:

• "Our whole problem had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door."
  
  "Once we have come into agreement with these ideas, it is really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done."" (Step Three, pp. 40-41. Emphasis added.)

• "For us, the process of gaining a new perspective was unbelievably painful. . . . It was only at the end of a long road, marked by successive defeats and humiliations, and the final crushing of our self-sufficiency, that we began to feel humility as something more than a condition of grovelling despair. . . . The admission of powerlessness over alcohol . . . is but the barest beginning. To get completely away from our aversion to the idea of being humble, to gain a vision of humility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit, to be willing to work for humility as some thing to be desired for itself, takes most of us a long, long time."
  
  "We saw that we needn't always be bludgeoned and beaten into humility. It could come quite as much from our voluntary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering. A great turning point in our lives came when we sought for humility as something we really wanted, rather than as something we must have. It marked the time when we could see the full implication of Step Seven: "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."" (Step Seven, pp. 72-73, 75.)

• "There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation and prayer. Taken separately, these practices bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakeable foundation for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse of that ultimate reality which is God's Kingdom." (Step Eleven, p. 98.)

 As it says in 'Pass It On' (at page 352):

"If (the) 'Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions' is a small volume in terms of length, it is large in its depth and content. Whereas the Big Book, written in 1938, radiates Bill's joy and gratitude at having finally found a way to stay sober, the 'Twelve and Twelve' reflects an entirely different mood. In 1951 and 1952, when Bill wrote the second book, he was suffering almost constant depression and was forced to confront the emotional and spiritual demons that remain "stranded" in the alcoholic psyche when the high tide of active alcoholism recedes. The 'Twelve and Twelve' provides a highly practical and profoundly spiritual prescription to exercise those demons."

Thus, in my experience there are indeed grave perils and deep pitfalls that can be (as they were for me) life-threatening if one overly (or solely) relies on the Twelve and Twelve without reference and reliance on the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous. That being said, there is great promise to alleviate the residual suffering of "the alcoholic psyche" after, but not before, "the high tide of active alcoholism recedes."

The spiritual path that is so meticulously laid out and explained in the two volumes, if walked day-by-day, promises us a new perspective on life and what it means to be sober, indeed it offers us "a gift that amounts to a new state of consciousness and being." (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 107.)

It is exceedingly difficult and painful, in my experience, to sober up and remain sober without a firm foundation in the 'Big Book.' It is equally difficult and even more painful, I have found, to remain mentally and emotionally sober without a firm foundation in the Twelve and Twelve.

Pesonal Religion and Finding the God of Your Own Understanding

In recovery, there is no requirement that you believe in the God of your upbringing, nor in the God of any particular faith. Rather, what is suggested is that you find a God of your own understanding. And, as Bill W. points out (at page 27) in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: "A.A.'s tread innumerable paths in their quest for faith." Further, in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous (at page 28), the writer points out that William James, a distinguished Anmerican Psychologist, in his book "The Varieties of Religious Experience," "indicates a multitude of ways in which men have discovered God."

"We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired," the 'Big Book' author continues. "If what we have learned and felt and seen means anything at all, it means that all of us, whatever. our race, creed, or color are the children of a living Creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are honest and willing enough to try. Those having religious affiliations will find here nothing disturbing to thier beliefs or ceremonies. There is no friction among us over such matters."

In "The Varieties of Religious Experience" (at pages 28-29), William James distinguishes between "institutional" and "personal" religion. It is personal religious experience that James, like A.A. (and its sister organizations), is concerned with.

"In the more personal branch of religion," James notes, " it is . . the inner dispositions of man himself which forms the center of interest, his conscience, his deserts, his helplessness, his incompleteness. And although the favor of God as forfeited or gained, is still an essential feature of the story . . . the individual transacts the business by himself alone, and ecclesiastical organizations, with is priests sacraments and other go-betweens, sinks to an altogether secondary place. The relation goes direct from heart to heart, from soul to soul, between man and his maker."

In dealing with the inner being of the alcoholic addict, with "his conscience, his deserts, his helplessness, (and) his incompleteness," the writer of the 'Big Book' notes that invariably the alcoholic addict comes to a point where he or she must decide by themselves just what the God of his or her own understanding is to be.

"When we become alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is noting. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?"

If we take the provisional position that God is literally everything, this has many, many times served as a common beginning to understanding and faith. Then, working through the 12 Steps we are assured by those who have gone before us that they "found that Great Reality deep down within (them)," and that "(i)n the last analysis it is only there that He may be found."

Thus we are assured that within our being is the fundamental essence of an all-pervading God, an "unsusupected inner resource" that is the essence of spiritual awakening, and which many of the oldest of the old-timers came to know as "God-consciousness." ('Big Book,' Spiritual Experience Appendix, pp. 567-568.) Thus, we become enabled to find, believe in, and experience a God that is truly in and of our own understanding, although the voyage we take to get there is bound to be unique and singular.

On Acceptance of Spiritual Teachings

Are the first 164 pages of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous really, as I've heard so often lately, all we need to practice A.A.'s program of daily living? What about the the "Spiritual Experience" appendix and "our personal stories before and after" which are contained in the back of the 'Big Book' but are clearly referenced in the first 163 pages? What about William James' "The Varieties of Religious Experience," which is also directly referenced on page 24 of the 'Big Book', let alone The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions and the six other books that A.A. in its collective group conscience has seen fit to publish? What about the Serenity Prayer and the 11th Step Prayer, which are both contained in the '12 & 12'?

All these, are vital material for the alcoholic addict seeking to attain and perfect his or her conscious contact with a Power greater than him or herself. Perhaps the most potent example of what is left out when we discourage others to look beyond the first 163 pages (which, indisputably, are of the uttermost importance for taking the newcomer through the Steps) is the passage on 'Acceptance' from the story, "Acceptance Was the Answer" contained in the 'Big Book's' Stories section.

"And, we read (at page 417), "acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I could accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I couldn't stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes."

"Between the banks of pain and pleasure," Sri Nisargadatta observed, "the river of life flows. It is only when the mind refuses to flow with life, and gets stuck at the banks that it becomes a problem. By flowing with life I mean acceptance - letting come what comes and go what goes. Desire not, fear not, observe the actual as and when it happens, for you are not what happens, you are to whom it happens. Ultimately, even the observer you are not. You are the ultimate potentiality of which the all-embracing consciousness is the manifestation and expression."

Read the first 164 pages of the 'Big Book'. Diagnose your condition in the way it is set out, find the solution within, and take the newcomer or serial relapser through this process. But do not restrict your, or others, spiritual growth by dogmatically clinging to the idea that the first 163 pages is the sum of all, and nothing more, that is needed to attain sobriety and grow in Spirit.

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation."

- Herbert Spencer

[Alcoholics Anonymous, page 568.]

Laying Aside Prejudice and Contempt

How often have we heard people in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous disparaging, or even verbally attacking, one or another of the world's great religious faiths? Too often, in my view. Particularly, as we are urged in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous (at page 87) to "(b)e quick to see where religious people are right."

The A.A. Preamble, which appears in all material approved by the General Service Conference of Alcoholics Anonymous, makes it clear, and rightly so, that "A.A." is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; (and) neither endorses nor opposes any causes."

But why if A.A. as a whole does not endorse or oppose any cause, do so many members openly oppose various religious faiths or denominations within the rooms of A.A., particularly, when we are advised time and time again, that there is much of value to be realized from the world's great wisdom traditions? One begins to suspect that attacking the religious faith of others may be a means of justifying their own lack of any kind of faith. (I know this was once true of me.) Thus, in the 'Big Book', we read:

"Instead of regarding ourselves as intelligent agents, spearheads of God's ever advancing Creation, we agnostics and atheists chose to believe that our human intelligence was the last word, the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end of it all. Rather vain of us, wasn't it?"

"We, who have traveled this dubious path, beg you to lay aside prejudices, even against organized religion. We have learned that whatever the human frailties of various faiths may be, those faiths have given purpose and direction to millions. People of faith have a logical idea of what life is about."

[Alcoholics Anonymous, page 49. Emphasis added.]

William James (1842-1910)

After Bill W. had his sudden and profound spiritual awakening, he doubted his sanity. Bill was given some assurance by Dr. Silkworth (he of the "Doctor's Opinion") that he had not gone over the deep end. He was given further assurance of both his sanity and the reality of his spiritual awakening upon reading a copy of the great psychologist, William James' book, The Varieties of Religious Experience. Indeed, The Varieties of Religious Experience this is the only book referenced by name in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous.

In it, Professor James distinguishes between the steeples and bells, incense and vestments, and doctrines and creeds of what he termed "outer religion" and the personal experiential nature of "inner religion" and the inner religious experience witnessed by so many differently circumstanced people down through the ages. (Another, such book, which outlines the inner religious experiences of saints mystics and ordinary folk from a wider variety of the world's great religious and wisdom traditions is "The Perennial Philosophy," which was written by Aldous Huxley, a non-alcoholic friend of Bill Wilson's.)

Indeed, in the Spiritual Experience appendix to the 'Big Book' the personality changes "sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism" are openly referred to as "religious experiences" which are, undoubtedly of the "inner" religious variety described by William James.

And what are the effects of such profound spiritual and religious experiences? Again, in the Spiritual Experience appendix we read:

"With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves."

"Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it 'God-Consciousness.'"

Thus, just A.A. as a whole (and each group) does not and should not endorse or oppose any religion or religious denomination, in keeping with our traditions and stated purpose, there is really no need or place for the individual A.A. member (or N.A. member, etc.) to disparage any or all religious sects or denomination. Doing so, displays only a lack of open-mindedness and tolerance, and a lack of awareness of A.A.'s roots and what its purpose is - i.e., to facilitate within each of us a spiritual or (some would quite correctly say) religious awakening which is sufficient for us to recover from our alcoholic addiction, and to thus lead contented and purposeful lives in sobriety.

We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program," the Spiritual Experience appendix concludes. "Willingness, honesty and open-mindedness are the essential of recovery. But these are indispensable."

Is criticizing any religion or religious domination open-minded? Or, does it only display the continuing prejudices of the person doing the criticizing? I know that in the past, when I engaged in religion-bashing, it only showed that I was again exhibiting the "contempt prior to investigation" that Herbert Spencer rightly noted is a complete "bar against all information," and one that kept me in "everlasting ignorance" until I was shown a  broader and much more informative attitude by some kind and much wiser old-timers than I was.

Self-Esteem and Realizing 'Objectivity'

Like most everyone else - but perhaps more so - the alcoholic addict who is newly clean and sober most likely remains obsessed with his or her self-image. And it is likely a thread that runs deep into the fabric of their being. It is for most folks.

How many times have we heard a variant of someone saying they just wanted their 'insides' to match the 'outsides' of the people all around them? Perhaps, this is why the discussion of the Fourth Step inventory specifically includes self-esteem and fear as the primary effects on a bruised ego that leads to resentments.

In setting out the instructions for how to make a personal inventory, the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us: "We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we are angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened."

Throughout the third column of one's personal inventory, we are likely to find (as in the example on page 65 of the 'Big Book') that our 'self-esteem' has been affected by others, and/or that we live in fear about what others may think of us. Perhaps that is a legitimate fear for the alcoholic addict who is still using, but it is no way to lead a spiritual life. We are endeavouring to live life on a spiritual basis, after all, and not on the basis of what others' opinions of us are. Besides, they are in all likelihood too busy worrying about how they appear to others to take too much notice of us.

In his book, "Enlightenment is a Secret," the modern spiritual teacher Andrew Cohen observes that we all need to "realize objectivity," and that cannot be accomplished when we are obsessed with our self-image.

Andrew Cohen, Editor-in-chief,
EnlightenNext magazine.

"Self image is always a dark corner," he writes. "Most people are all suffering from the same agony, tormented by ideas of who they are and who they don't want to be."

"It helps," he observes, "when you realize that this predicament is the human condition. It helps when you realize that almost everybody is suffering in this same misery. Realizing this can help. It can help you to see through the illusion that you are suffering in your own misery isolated and alone. Because of this idea many people feel sorry for themselves. When you realize that this is the average condition of almost everyone it is the beginning of a big change in perspective."

"Realize its not 'your' problem," Cohen urges. "Realize that it is the problem. Realize that this one mistake is the crux of the human predicament. Try and make the effort to depersonalize every aspect of your experience, from the gross to the subtle."

"Realize objectivity," he urges. "It is the only way out."

[Andrew Cohen, "Enlightenment is a Secret," page 144.]

On reviewing our inventory, the 'Big Book' specifically shows us how this lack of objectivity about what others may (or may not) think about us is all-pervading and lethally dangerous. "We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us," we read, "(a)nd in that state the wrong-doings of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill."

Realizing that the false ego of the 'self' - our ordinary self-consciousness, rather than a deeper and higher, God-consciousness - is the real cause of our suffering, we strive to "realize objectivity," as Cohen puts it. Or, as the 'Big Book' puts it: "We realized that the people who had wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick themselves. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too."

It is, therefore, helpful to realize that ego, or ordinary self-consciousness - "thinking without awareness," as another spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle, called it - is not just our problem, but that is 'the' problem, just as Cohen notes. Or, as another enlightened spiritual master said, "Of myself, I am nothing, the Father doeth the works." (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 75.)

"Providence" and the "Obsession of the Mind"

"It is truly awful to admit," we read in the first paragraph of The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, "that glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us."

In this, the first paragraph of the 'Twelve and Twelve,' we are dealing already with the obsession of the mind. And it no mere coincidence that we are doing so, for "the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body." (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 23.) But what is "Providence," and just where and how are we to find it?

The answer to where we find "Providence," or "a Power greater than ourselves," is found in the middle paragraphs of page 55 in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous. There, we read:

". . . (D)eep down in every man woman and child is the fundamental idea or God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. . . .

"We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was there He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. It was so with us.

[Emphasis added.]

"Providence," God, or a Power greater than one's self is thus found "deep down within" the individual alcoholic addict, in his or her higher consciousness. Most alcoholic addicts who remain clean and sober will report that at some time before or after they come into A.A. (or one of its sister fellowships) they realized that they were alcoholic or an addict - i.e., that they have a problem with drugs and/or alcohol. This moment of grace - a moment free from all the calamity, pomp and worship of things that fills our ordinary, egoic self-consciousness - is "the act of Providence" that, if followed up with the 12 Steps, can free the alcoholic addict of the obsession for drugs and/or booze.

The 'how-to' of finding and maintaining one's proper relationship with "Providence," or 'a Power greater than one's self,' is thus found in the 12 Steps, and in the continual process of "self-examination, meditation and prayer" which is recommended recommended by Bill W. in his essay on Step 11 in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions; while the 'where-to' of attaining and maintaining a conscious contact with "Providence" is found deep down within" one's own consciousness, below and separate from the operation of the human ego, beneath that "painful inner dialogue" we are all all-too-familiar with. It is found in a "conscious contact" with God.

In the Spiritual Experience appendix of the 'Big Book,' we read:

"With few  exceptions our members find that they have tapped into an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves."

"Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it 'God-consciousness.'"

[Emphasis added.]

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

"All that is from the gods is full of Providence," the great neo-Platonic Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, wrote in his 'Meditations.'

"That which is from fortune is not separated from nature or without an interweaving and involution with the things which are ordered by Providence. From thence all things flow. . . ."

On Attachment and Addiction: What Would Buddha Do?

For some, it may be helpful to understand a little of what Buddhist teachings and an Eastern perspective have to say about addiction, as addiction to thoughts, emotions, people, places, and things, in general, are said to be the "root of suffering" in the Buddha's teaching.

In the attached video, Ram Dass (the former Harvard psychiatrist and spiritual teacher, who is no stranger to addiction himself) examines addiction, and its "root cause," our attachments to our mistaken thoughts about just 'who' we are and 'what' will ultimately make us happy.

Ram Dass

"When you look at addictions," says Dass, "it's not like 'evil,' it is just an attempt to 'get back.' The problem is that most behaviours that get you back. . . . It's like Maharaji (Mahesh Yogi) said about drugs. He said, "It will allow you to be in the presence of Christ, but you can only stay two hours." He said, "It would be better to become Christ than to visit it.". . . . And that's what you find out with most addictive things, that they give you a short rush, but they don't allow you to remain 'at home.' They just allow you the taste of it. And then the minute you get thrown out  . . You go back to heaven, but you can't stay because you didn't come in through the right way."

"You end up feeling like, 'I've done something wrong; I'm bad.' And that starts a reaction of mind. You come down, then you feel guilt. 'I must be bad.' 'I should of done something else.' 'Why didn't I do the practices that would have allowed me to stay there, rather than the thing that's short-term?' Because you see your predicament."

"What happens is that the opportunity for the immediate gratification. . . . In psychology, the choice of the 'little candy bar now,' or the 'big candy bar later' . . .  With little children they'll always grab the 'little candy bar now,' because they want what they can get now. They don't have any delay of gratification. And spiritual practices, compared to having sex, or compared to taking coke or something, is more like delayed gratification, rather than immediate gratification."

"So," he says, "when you start to stand back and see your predicament, and see what you are doing, there is a way from a spiritual perspective in which you begin with that slight bit of awareness to extricate yourself from the 'chain of reactivity' (that feeds one's addictive thought-habits)."

"To the unawakened mind," says the Buddha, "life is dhukka, suffering. The root cause of suffering is our addiction or aversion to what we think will makes us happy." And, says the Buddha, "to end the suffering, one must end the addiction, the craving and clinging to what we think will bring happiness." And to end that addiction, he too, like Ram Dass 2,500 years later, recommends a spritual practice. In the Buddha's instance, forming right views and right understanding; engaging in right speech, right action' right livelihood and right effort; and, practicing right meditation and right contemplation."

And such seems to be the shared experience and lessons garnered by alcoholic addicts in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, or its sister programs. In the "We Agnostics" chapter in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, we read:

"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over how much you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be sufferinfg from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer."

["Alcoholics Anonymous," page 44. Emphasis added.]

 Thus, for millenia, the teaching has proven true, that addictions of the mind and the body, may be broken through spiritual practice and the resultant spiritual awakening which comes with practicing spiritual principles.

Is it Really JUST the 'Big Book' We Need?

One trend I do not remember from when I sobered up 20-odd years ago was the fanaticism over the idea - or the very idea itself - that the 'Big Book' of Alcoholism Anonymous is the "only" text that should be used in sobering up, or in taking a newcomer through the 12 Steps. It seems to me that this somewhat militant stance - directed particularly towards the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in my local area in Southern Ontario, Canada - is at once intellectually dishonest, close-minded, and demonstrates an unwillingness to grow beyond the initial working of the Steps as outlined in the 'Big Book,' which is, admittedly, our "basic text."

Without the Twelve Steps and Twelve Tradition, we would not have the all-important Serenity Prayer, nor would we have the 11th Step Prayer. Additionally, the lessons on daily living drawn from essays on how to "practice" Steps 3, 6, 7, and 11 are vital tools in our "spiritual tool-kit."

This does not mean that I don't take sponsees through the Steps as outlined in the 'Big Book,' or don't strongly recommend to other sponsors that this is what they should do, but I (and many, many others) have found the  Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions to be absolutely essential in attaining, maintaining and improving a conscious contact with the God of our understanding - particularly in tough times.

In times of great emotional stress, sometimes the only thing I have to rely on is the Serenity Prayer. In the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, "taking" Step Three is simply described as reciting - some insist on one's knees - the Third Step prayer set out on page 63. Yet, while one snippet from the Third Step Prayer ("relieve me of the bondage of self") is perhaps my most frequent prayer, having once recited that prayer is not sufficient to practice Step 3 months, or years, later. And this is particularly so in times of grave emotional distress. At such times, even having recited the Third Step Prayer in the morning may not suffice.

This is why Bill W. concludes his essay on "practicing" the Third Step in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions by recommending that we take the following actions in the times of great difficulties we are bound to face:

'In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done."'

 Just as we do not "pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness" pray just once; neither is what "separates the men from the boys" (according to Bill's "spiritual sponsor," Father Ed Dowling"), the hour we spend at home after sharing our Fifth Step reviewing our progress so far and seeing if we've scrimped anywhere, as Step Six is outlined in the 'Big Book.'

We need to consistently and logically interrelate and weave together the continual process of "self-examination, meditation and prayer" if we are to have "an unshakeable foundation," as it says in Step 11 of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. To do this, the more help the better I say; and it is likely this attitude that prompted A.A.'s commissioning Bill to write down in essay form his thoughts and experiences with the Steps and Traditions in the first place.

We cannot have too much insight into the nature of, and spiritual solution to, our basic problem - ego-centricity - and there are any number of valuable references outside of the 'Big Book' that are of assistance to the newcomer and old-timer alike.

Indeed, in the "Co-Founders of Alcoholics Anonymous" pamphlet, Dr. Bob states quite plainly that he 'cultivated' the habit of reading an average of one hour a day from a variety of sources over the 15 years of his sobriety. (The key concept here being the variety of sources, rather than the amount of time spent reading.)

In its group consciouness, Alcoholics Anonymous saw fit to publish nine separate books and a wide variety of pamphlets, as well as setting up the "Grapevine" and The AA Grapevine Inc., to publish what the General Service Conference recognized as "the international journal of Alcoholics Anonymous," and a treasure trove of other material helpful to the recovering alcoholic addict.

To say that we should narrowly restrict our study to just the 'Big Book' and to shun at all costs the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions is precisely the attitude that Doctor Bob warned of in his last major talk (published in the "Co-founders" pamphlet), when he observed:

"We are all inclined to have pretty closed minds, pretty tightly closed. That's one reason why some people find our spiritual teaching difficult. They don't want to find out too much about it, for various personal reasons . . . "