Perils, Pitfalls & Promise of the "Twelve & Twelve"

A.A. Co-Founder, Bill W.

In a letter dated October 5, 1953, A.A. co-founder and author, Bill W., wrote of the expectations he had for the newly-penned 'Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions'. "At first," he observed, "I was dubious whether anyone would care for it, save oldtimers who had begun to run into life's lumps in areas other than alcohol. But apparently, the book is being used to good effect even upon newcomers." ('Pass It On', at page 356.)

Of course, many in A.A. nowadays hold fast to the notion that the Twelve and Twelve is ruinous to A.A., and/or that its use, particularly its exclusive use, with newcomers is perilous to their prospects of attaining and maintaining sobriety. To my mind, and in my experience, such A.A. "fundamentalists" or "Big Book Thumpers" are right . . . but only partially right. Along with the perils and pitfalls that the Twelve and Twelve can present to overly-reliant newcomers, the book holds great promise and practical spiritual wisdom for the more seasoned alcoholic addict in recovery when he or she is presented with life's inevitable challenges.

In words that have quite literally saved the lives of millions of alcoholic addicts, and in a manner that the reader can use to see if he or she is alcoholic, the 'Big Book' ('Alcoholics Anonymous') clearly sets out the physical and mental aspects of the disease, a spiritual solution to this primarily mental illness, and a process of steps that can (and are) used to effect a spiritual solution to the malady. I know of few, if any, members with long-term sobriety that would start a newcomer off without going through the 'Big Book.' The methodology for working through the 12 Steps is invaluable, particularly the concise directions for getting through Steps 4 through Step Nine (a.s.a.p.) and, thereby, initiating a process of spiritual awakening that promises to arrest and alleviate the effects of the disease. Likewise, I know few (if any) old-timers who do not, or have not, benefited from what is laid out in the Twelve and Twelve.

My experiences with the 'Big Book' and the 'Twelve and Twelve' over several decades have been decidedly mixed, as I suspect the experience of many others probably have been.

In my case, by happenstance and misleading advertising, the first group I joined was a Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions group. (It was announced that February was "membership month" and that the group still had several "openings" which were available. Knowing nothing of A.A. - or recovery, for that matter - and being but a few weeks sober, I thought I had better grab one of those openings before I was shut out.) I stayed with that group, maintaining my sobriety without relapse, for over five years, until I left to help start up another group and, shortly thereafter, to move to another city. In that time, week after week, we would go through the Steps, one after another in relentless fashion.  I remember nothing of what I shared, and now shudderingly marvel that there was anything of value I could have shared!

I learned but little about the true nature of my disease, but much about how to stay sober in that time. Additionally, I read the 'Big Book' cover to cover, as suggested, but little sank in, due not to the message in the book but to the prejudice and contempt I had for all things spiritual or, somehow, 'Godly.' (Not that I wouldn't participate in the Serenity Prayer, Lord's Prayer etc., and not that I didn't read my daily meditations from the 'Twenty Four Hours a Day' book, or 'Daily Reflections' when it came out. I would grudgingly do the little I was told to do, but only that much!)

During that time I was, however, taken through the Steps both by my sponsor and then by a relative "oldtimer" within my group utilizing the 'Big Book.' I listed my resentments and fears, inventoried my sex conduct, made the list, made amends etc., and it was beneficial - to me, my family, and my employer, etc. - yet I failed to grasp the key understanding that my life in sobriety had become and continued to be "unmanageable." (See page 61.) Thus, I was handicapped from the start in my ability to "enlarge" my spiritual being.

Sobering up at age 28 in the late-Eighties, I was one of the younger members of A.A. in my area. I therefore took much false solace in the Twelve and Twelve's description of the younger "alcoholics who still had their health, their families, (and) their jobs," etc. I was mightily relieved to read that I had been "spared that last ten or fifteen years of literal hell (other A.A.s) had gone through." (Little did I know, or suspect, that years of "figurative hell" were to come.) Reading through the rest of that paragraph in the Twelve and Twelve's first chapter, I utterly failed to grasp the meaning or importance of the following question:

"Since Step One requires an admission that our lives have become unmanageable, how could such people as these take this Step?

That is a great question, indeed. For my part, and to myself alone, I saw Step One as: "Admitting that I was powerless over alcohol (and other drugs) and that my life had (potentially) become unmanageable (if I ever drank or drugged again)." Keeping all the parts in brackets to myself, I marched on in sobriety, determined to get "Good Orderly Direction" in my life. For the next five years, I relied on my Twelve and Twelve meeting, my sponsor, and thereafter on the fellowship of AA to stay sober. (This worked for me to the limited extent that I stayed straight, but I adamantly warn off others who would try it this way. I've seen too many fatalities via this route.)

Just shy of 10 years sobriety, having completed a university education and graduate school, with a wife now sober, and with two small girls - one of them named for my first sponsor - I started a job as a newly-minted professional in a new city. The days and weeks were very long, life seemed manageable, and I made a conscious decision to stop attending A.A. in order to spend what little time was left over with my wife and kids.

Little did I know that the five years after that fateful decision would be an at-first slow descent into madness, a madness in which I finally lost marriage, family, career, house and my mind. Just as the oldtimers had warned me, all those things that I had put in front of my sobriety I had lost. Beaten by life and this disease, obsessing over escape from a painful and seemingly hopeless life via the bottle, I was brought back to A.A. and to a wise and loving sponsor who took me back through the Steps. The 'Big Book' was read and explained to me. Re-doing the Steps with a new understanding, I experienced the spiritual release that is available through our program of action. My mind was opened, and with the help of several spiritual mentors, day-by-day I began - with several epiphanies along the way - to grow spiritually.

Interestingly, not only had the import and significance of the 'Big Book' - its application to my life and circumstances - soared, but the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions had also become inextricably important to my growth in spirit and consciousness. With fifteen years clean and sober - most of it being "stark, raving sobriety" - I had become one of those whom Bill so mildly puts it "had begun to run into life's lumps in areas other than alcohol."

There are, indeed, perils and pitfalls along the way if one ignores the 'Big Book' in favour, grudgingly, of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, as I did. Some seem to avoid the mistakes that are so often made. I did not. But having survived these perils and pitfalls, I know that the Twelve and Twelve, holds much promise for further growth, written as it is for those who have already completed the 12 Steps as outlined in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous.

My closest spiritual mentor, a profoundly dedicated man with 35 years of sobriety at the time, often stressed that having taken the Steps and having recovered from the hopeless state of alcoholism - wet or dry - it is imperative that one incorporates Step Three, Step Seven and Step Eleven into one's daily life; relying on Step Ten where we screw up, and utilizing Step Twelve in carrying the message where we can. It is here, and in this process, that the experience of Bill's years of sobriety, as set out in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, becomes so important. Indeed, I find it is needlessly hard, if not impossible, to practice these Steps without the various spiritual nuggets of wisdom he shares there.

Consider, as examples, the following passages from the essays on Steps Three, Seven and Eleven:

• "Our whole problem had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door."
  
  "Once we have come into agreement with these ideas, it is really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done."" (Step Three, pp. 40-41. Emphasis added.)

• "For us, the process of gaining a new perspective was unbelievably painful. . . . It was only at the end of a long road, marked by successive defeats and humiliations, and the final crushing of our self-sufficiency, that we began to feel humility as something more than a condition of grovelling despair. . . . The admission of powerlessness over alcohol . . . is but the barest beginning. To get completely away from our aversion to the idea of being humble, to gain a vision of humility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit, to be willing to work for humility as some thing to be desired for itself, takes most of us a long, long time."
  
  "We saw that we needn't always be bludgeoned and beaten into humility. It could come quite as much from our voluntary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering. A great turning point in our lives came when we sought for humility as something we really wanted, rather than as something we must have. It marked the time when we could see the full implication of Step Seven: "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."" (Step Seven, pp. 72-73, 75.)

• "There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation and prayer. Taken separately, these practices bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakeable foundation for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse of that ultimate reality which is God's Kingdom." (Step Eleven, p. 98.)

 As it says in 'Pass It On' (at page 352):

"If (the) 'Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions' is a small volume in terms of length, it is large in its depth and content. Whereas the Big Book, written in 1938, radiates Bill's joy and gratitude at having finally found a way to stay sober, the 'Twelve and Twelve' reflects an entirely different mood. In 1951 and 1952, when Bill wrote the second book, he was suffering almost constant depression and was forced to confront the emotional and spiritual demons that remain "stranded" in the alcoholic psyche when the high tide of active alcoholism recedes. The 'Twelve and Twelve' provides a highly practical and profoundly spiritual prescription to exercise those demons."

Thus, in my experience there are indeed grave perils and deep pitfalls that can be (as they were for me) life-threatening if one overly (or solely) relies on the Twelve and Twelve without reference and reliance on the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous. That being said, there is great promise to alleviate the residual suffering of "the alcoholic psyche" after, but not before, "the high tide of active alcoholism recedes."

The spiritual path that is so meticulously laid out and explained in the two volumes, if walked day-by-day, promises us a new perspective on life and what it means to be sober, indeed it offers us "a gift that amounts to a new state of consciousness and being." (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 107.)

It is exceedingly difficult and painful, in my experience, to sober up and remain sober without a firm foundation in the 'Big Book.' It is equally difficult and even more painful, I have found, to remain mentally and emotionally sober without a firm foundation in the Twelve and Twelve.

The Main Problem of the Alcoholic Centers in the Mind

"All (types of alcoholics) . . . have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence."

-- Alcoholics Anonymous, "The Doctor's Opinion," p. xxx --

The physiological basis of alcoholism has been confirmed by many studies since the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous was written. But, as the 'Big Book' tells us, this would all be moot if the alcoholic addict never took a drink in the first place. Therefore, the problem appears to be both genetic and environmental, both nature and nurture. Instant (or gradual) alcoholic? Just add booze. Indeed, at page 23 of the 'Big Book,' we read:

"These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. (Emphasis added.)

The alcoholic, we read, drinks chiefly for the effect. He or she likes the experience of being under the influence of booze more than being sober. It is no mere coincidence, then, that a spiritual experience - an awakening of spirit - has proven effective in relieving alcoholism. As Carl Jung pointed out in his letter to Bill W., "Alcohol in Latin is "spiritus" and you use the same word for the highest religious experience as well as for the most depraving poison. The helpful formula therefore is: "spiritus contra spiritum.""

Of course. it was Jung's work with Rowland H. which was where "the taproot" which would become A.A. "first hit water." Jung's conversation with Rowland H. is set out at pages 26 and 27 in the 'Big Book.' And, helpfully, at page 27 Jung describes what the essential factors of the "vital spiritual experiences' which have relieved alcoholism are. "Ideas, emotions and attitudes which were once the guiding force of these (alcoholic) men," he points out, "are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them."

"Ideas," of course, are our thoughts, while "emotions" are the feelings that results from these thoughts. An "attitude," in turn, is a "way of thinking" and "behaviour reflecting this." (Oxford English Dictionary.) Thus, the relief of the problem of the alcoholic - centering as it does in his or her mind - is a completely new way of thinking, a completely new set of "conceptions and motives" (i.e., thoughts and attitudes). Indeed, the common solution that most sober A.A. members have found (irrespective of whether they may recognize or describe it as such) is a new state of consciousness and being, a state of God-consiousness rather than self-consciousness, that begins to dominate our thinking.

In the 'Spiritual Experience' appendix to the 'Big Book," we read:

"With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves."

"Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it God-consciousness."

"(W)e are now on a new basis," we read at page 68 of the 'Big Book.' "the basis of trusting and relying on God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely upon on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity."

Thus, we see that attaining and maintaining a new theocentric attitude to replace our normal, egocentric thinking, is the key to relieving the problem of the alcoholic addict which centers in his or her mind. As Jung pointed out to Bill Wilson, "The helpful formula therefore is: "spiritus contra spiritum."" Inspired (or "in spirit") we are enabled to lead sane and productive, sober lives.

Reflections on A.A.'s Early History: The Cental Role of Meditation

In a 1958 lecture delivered to the New York City Medical Society on Alcoholism (contained in the "Three Talks to Medical Societies" pamphlet) Bill W. described the fateful evening when Ebby T. came to visit him in his home. Surprisingly, Ebby was sober. And, as if that wasn't bad enough from Bill's point of view, Ebby had "got religion." Nevertheless, Bill heard Ebby out, and afterwards, as Bill describes it, "(t)he spark that was to become Alcoholics Anonymous had been struck."

Here, in Bill's words, is a summary of what ensued that evening:

". . . (H)e told me of his conversations with (Rowland H.), and how hopeless alcoholism really was, according to Dr. Carl Jung. Added to Dr. Silkworth's verdict, this was the worst possible news. I was hard hit. Next Ebby enumerated the principles he had learned from the Oxford Group. Though he thought these good people were sometimes too aggressive, he certainly couldn't find any fault with most of their basic teachings. After all, these teachings had sobered him up."

"In substance, here they are, as my friend applied them to himself in 1934:

      1.  Ebby admitted that he was powerless to manage his own life.
      2.  He became honest with himself as never before; made an "examination of conscience.
      3.  He made a rigorous confession of his personal defects and thus quit living alone with his problems.
      4.  He surveyed his distorted relations with other people, visiting them to make what amends he could.
      5.  He resolved to devote himself to helping others in need, without the usual demand for personal prestige or material gain.
      6.  By meditation, he sought God's direction for his life and the help to practice these principles of conduct at all times.

"This sounded pretty naive to me," Bill recalls, "(n)evertheless, my friend stuck to the plain tale of what had happened. He related how, practicing these simple precepts, his drinking had unaccountably stopped. Fear and isolation had left, and he had received a considerable peace of mind. With no hard disciplines nor any great resolves, these changes began to appear the moment he conformed. His release from alcohol seemed to be a byproduct. Though sober but months, he felt sure he had a basic answer. Wisely avoiding arguments, he then left."

"The spark that was to become Alcoholics Anonymous had been struck," Bill points out. "One alcoholic had been talking to another, making a deep identification with me and bringing the principles of recovery within my reach."

Carl Jung: Click here to read
Jung's letter to Bill W.

Reading this account, I am struck by two seemingly separate but interrelated points: (1) the emphasis that is put upon Carl Jung's conclusions about alcoholism, and (2) the emphasis that is put on meditation for seeking God's direction for life. Indeed, prayer is not mentioned at all.

Jung's conclusions on alcoholism are set out on pages 26-27 of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, and indicate (a) that sometimes alcoholics have had"vital spiritual experiences" sufficient to relieve their alcoholism, (b) that such experiences seem to be "in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements, and (c) that "(i)deas, emotions and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motivations begin to dominate them."

These conclusions are related to Ebby's sixth point, that he and the original Oxford Groupers utilized meditation to ascertain how they should implement their spiritual principles into their conduct at all time. Meditation, it seems, is the process by which we raise our minds to a higher level which is devoid of our old thoughts and ways of thinking. Thus, old ideas, emotions and attitudes are, indeed, "cast to one side."

Ebby T. with Bill W.

In a subsequent biography ("Ebby: The Man Who Sponsored Bill W."), Ebby describes how he and Rowland H. practiced the Oxford Group principles, including daily meditation.

"Rowland gave me a great many things that were of a great value to me later on," Ebby recalls. "He had a thorough indoctrination and he passed as much of this on to me as he could. When we took trips together we would get up early in the morning, and before we even had any coffee, we would sit down and try to rid ourselves of any thoughts of the material world and see if we couldn't find out the best plans for our lives for that day and to follow whatever guidance came to us."

Ebby's observations about the centrality and importance of meditation are reflected in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous (at pages 86-87), where we read:

"On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin (however), we ask God to direct our thinking,  especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. . . . In thinking about our day ahead we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while."

 And the result of such a meditative practice?  "What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration," we read, "gradually becomes a working part of the mind." Thus, if we are to experience the wholesale change in our "ideas, emotions and attitudes" that marks a spiritual awakening and thus relieves us from our alcoholism, the practice of effecting a conscious contact with God through daily meditation is absolutely crucial.

Supplicatory prayer which affirms and invokes God's help, while important, is a lesser form of a direct and conscious contact with a Higher Power. Meditation is the process by which we effect and improve such conscious contact, while contemplation - the highest form of prayer - is going out from meditation into the world, while maintaining our conscious contact with God so that we may truly practice A.A.'s principles in all our affairs.

All three types of prayer, but particularly meditation, were emphasized in early A.A., and  all three continue to be applicable and essential today if we are to effect, attain and maintain a vital spiritual experience of God in this world.

The Jung-Wilson Correspondence

Bill Wilson
(1895-1971)

Shortly before the latter's death, Bill W. wrote to Carl Jung, thanking the great psychologist for his largely unheralded impetus in the chain of events that would establish Alcoholics Anonymous (and her sister 12 Step groups) as, perhaps, the most effective way for treating addictions, to alcohol and otherwise. For it was Jung who passed on the vital information (through the aegis of Roland H. and Ebby T.) that "a vital spiritual experience" could be sufficient to arrest the fatal progression of alcoholism.

Roland H., whom Jung had treated for alcoholism in or around 1932, took this important message to heart and joined the then-popular Oxford Group, and through him, Jung's remarks were carried to Ebby T. (an old drinking friend of Bill's), and on to Bill, himself. (Roland attained life-long sobriety, but remained in the Oxford Group, never becoming a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.)

The important message conveyed through Jung's treatment of Roland, set out on pages 26-28 of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, contains the following description of what seems (in Jung's view) to happen to individual alcoholics who undergo profound psychological changes as a result of a spiritual (or religious) awakening:

"Ideas, emotions and attitudes which were the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and new conceptions and motives begin to dominate them."

Carl G. Jung
(1875-1961)

In his reply to Bill's letter of acknowledgment (copied, below), Jung outlined the basic reason why an alcoholic drinks, a reason that, of course, underlies the effectiveness of the spiritual solution found in A.A. Making an intuitive observation, Jung noted that: "His craving for alcohol was on a low level the thirst of our being for wholeness, expressed in medieval terms: the union with God." Thus, Jung's conclusion that a real and effective spiritual or religious experience could aid the individual in overcoming alcoholic addiction.

However, Jung warned: "The only right and legitimate way to such an experience (i.e., the non-dualistic union with God) is, that it happens to you in reality, and that it can only happen to you when you walk on a path which leads you to higher understanding. You might be led to that goal," he observed, "by an act of grace or through a personal and honest contact with friends, or through a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of mere rationalism."

Fortunately for the alcoholic addict, effecting a "conscious contact" with a Power greater than the limitations of our ordinary, egoic self results in "grace"; the fellowship within our A.A. (or sister) group and/or with our sponsor affords us the requisite "personal and honest human contact" we need; and, the process of continual "self-examination, meditation and prayer" we engage in provides us with "a higher education of the mind" beyond the confines of our egoic and incessant rationalism.

Here is the body of the letter from Jung to Bill W., which is also included in the Grapevine book, "The Language of the Heart." Note, Jung's ultimate prescription for alcoholism: "spritus contra spiritum".

Stuck 'In a Rut' of Old Ideas, Emotions and Attitudes

Most of us have, at some time or other, been 'in a rut' in our sobriety. Going to meetings reluctantly and critically, not going to meetings, sober and self-satisfied with merely being sober, entertaining old ideas, we can go on day by day spinning our wheels spiritually, and thus digging ourselves a deeper rut.

In various stages of my early and middle sobriety I have been guilty of all of these "half-measures" and have suffered (and inflicted suffering on others, including those I love the most) as a result.

Indeed, looking back, I came very close to both drinking and drugging, as well as dieing, as a result of being in various of these 'ruts.' For as the novelist, Ellen Glasgow observed, "The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions."

At such times, it is essential to remember the first, most important, and ultimate lesson about recovery from an alcoholic addiction, the message that Carl Jung passed on to his one-time patient, a "certain American businessman," named Rolland Hazard:

"Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas emotions and attitudes which were once the guiding force of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them."

["Alcoholics Anonymous," page 27. Emphasis added.]

Hazard would pass this message on to Ebby Thatcher, who would come to be the sponsor of a then-drunk named Bill Wilson. Bill, in turn, would have just such a "vital spiritual experience," and would pass the message of his experience on to A.A. co-founder, Dr. Bob, and together they would carry this message to the world.

Thus, the question to ask for the sufferer stuck in his or her 'rut,' is whether their spirtual experience remains "vital" Is it "essential to (their) existing or functioning," "indisspensable" or "paramount" to use just a few simple dictionary definitions of "vital"?  If the sufferer is no longer "full of life or activity" and "lively" - to utilize another definition - the chances are he or she has slipped back into a 'rut' filled with old thoughts, feelings, and ways of thinking, and that he or she has once again picked up the old "ideas, emotions and attitudes," which had once been cast aside.

Remember: the only 'absolute' that is mentioned in the first 164 pages of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous comes in the "How It Works" reading, taken from the fifth chapter of the 'Big Book.' In it, we read: "Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely."

The initials 'A.A.' have often been said to stand for an "attitude adjustment," and, quite simply, an "attitude" is defined as "a setttled opinion or way of thinking," as well as "behaviour reflecting this." When we become judgmental about what is being said in a meeting, about how others are driving in traffic, about the words and actions of our loved ones or perfect strangers, it is a sure sign that our old "attitudes" or ways of thinking have returned - along with our old "ideas" - and that we are holding on to them.

And the result will be nil - we will be just as "irritable, restless and discontented" as any other alcoholic addict not drinking or drugging - until we again try to let go of such "old ideas."

"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels," we are warned, and "(w)e are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."

[Alcoholics Anonymous, page 85.]

A large part of that "daily maintenance" - referred to in Step 11 of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions as "self-examination" - is guarding against letting "old ideas" fester in our consciousness. And let's face it, the longer one is sober, the quicker the ideas we mull over in our mind become "old."

"Old ideas" are like Wrigley's chewing gum. Chew on them for a while, but they quickly lose their taste and appeal, and its then time to spit them out, not swallow them. Prayer and meditation make that possible.

Is it My Will or God's Will?

The "Co-Founders" Pamphlet

I've heard it said that if you are wondering whether what you are about to do or say is self-will or God's will, then it must be self-will. I don't think that is necessarily true, however, and it might lead the alcoholic addict in recovery into a one-way ego trap.

When it's a question of God's will or self-will, Dr. Bob recommended (in the "Co-Founders of A.A." pamphlet) running the question of what we should say or do past the little-known "Four Absolutes."

I've been sober a few years, but even when I first found recovery the Four Absolutes  (Honesty, Purity, Unselfishness and Love) were obscure. When asked, Bill W. said that mentioning the "Four Absolutes" in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous would have too closely identified AA with the Oxford Group. Nonetheless, I was fortunate in being brought up with the "Four Absolutes, and I still rely on them when all the chips are down.

The "Four Absolutes" at Dr. Bob's
gravesite in Akron, OH.

Bill also said that the "Four Absolutes" are inherent in each of our 12 Steps. The "Four Absolutes" pamphlet outlining how to utilize the Absolutes to determine our will or God's will is still available from Cleveland's District Office. (More information on using the "Four Absolutes" is available here.)

When faced with a difficult decision to make, and pondering whether doing or saying what feels "right" would be an exression of my will or that of the God of my understanding - that is, wondering whether I am being driven by ego-consciousness or God consciousness - just saying it must be "self-will" may be too simplistic. It is all too easy, in my experience, for me to rationalize not saying or doing what is right because it is just "self-will." This is when a quick inventory with the "Four Absolutes" has proven to be invaluable.

"Back To Basics,"
by Wally P.

In Wally P.'s "Back To Basics" book, we read how the first old-timers would practice what they called "two-way prayer;" that is, asking for guidance, and then sitting in meditation or contemplation for the thought or thoughts that answered their questions.

The need for meditation seems to be under-emphasized these days, and certainly there are very few old-timers or newcomers who discuss "two-way prayer." Yet, it is 'vital,' in all senses of the word, and it is particularly important if one wishes to attain the "vital spiritual experience" that Carl Jung identified as a solution for alcoholic addiction.

Discussing "two-way prayer," Wally P. writes:

" . . . (N)ot all of our thooughts come from God. However, with time and practice we will begin to trust "our vital sixth sense." Starting with the first sentence on page 87, the "Big Book" authors explain:

"What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.
(A.A., p. 87, lines 1-9)

For Bill, it was "common sense" to use alcohol to escape his problems, and "uncommon sense" to stay sober and let God guide him through his difficulties. Bill's thinking changed as the direct result of taking the Steps.

Then on page 69, the "Big Book" authors disclose that, in addition to our thoughts, we must also test our actions. Starting with the second line in the second paragraph, they write:

". . . We subjected each relation to this test---was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them."
(A.A., p. 69, para. 2, lines 2-4)

 We also test our thoughts during morning meditation.  Here's how it works. When we finish our "quiet time," we check what we have put on paper. If what we have written is Honest, Pure, Unselfish AND Loving, we can be assured that these thoughts are God directed. Conversely, if what we have written is Dishonest, Resentful, Selfish OR Fearful, we can be equally assured these thoughts are self-directed.

 And just as we can - if we choose - do a daily inventory of our proposed plans for the day by running them past the "Four Absolutes," so we can run the "Four Absolutes" past what seems to be "the next right thing" for us to say or do. In that way we can distinguish whether it is our will or God's will that we are acting upon. In that way, we can check who is "running the show."