Beyond the 'Big Book' . . . Beyond the 'Inner Dialogue' . . . Beyond the Confines of the 'Self'

The 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous is, of course, our most valuable resource in early recovery, offering, as it does, a complete guide for rapidly taking the newcomer through the Twelve Steps so that he or she may be released from active alcohol addiction. But how effective is it, in and of itself, for working with the "alcoholic who still suffers" years (and, perhaps, many years) into sobriety as he or she continues to struggle, not with the obsession over alcohol, but with "the bondage of self"?

Realistically, there are many within the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous (and its sister organizations), and many returning to these rooms sober, whose spiritual experiences have not been so "deep and effective" as to relieve them from the obsessive nature of the mind. There are those, too, who have had illuminating spiritual experiences only to fall from such spiritual heights and who continue to struggle to recapture what they once had. These are the "still suffering" alcoholic addicts with minds that no longer obsess over alcohol but, rather, minds that obsess about the ordinary human trials and tribulations of life - the instinctive drives for security, sex and society - in their many varieties. The 'Big Book' is necessarily silent about such men and women, as it was written so early in the experience of the then-recovering alcoholics.

Bill Wilson thought that perhaps the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions would help those, like himself, "who had begun to run into life's lumps in other areas than alcohol." Indeed, a decade or so into his own sobriety, when he wrote the second book, "he was suffering almost constant depression and was forced to confront the emotional and spiritual demons that remain 'stranded' in the alcoholic psyche." ("Pass It On," pages 352 and 356.)

"The problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind," we read in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous. Thus, for the alcoholic addict who is "still suffering" in sobriety, it is crucial that he or she comes to terms with the self-centered nature of ordinary human consciousness. That is, he or she must transcend the "egoic self" in order to experience the inner quiet and peace that is inherent to our nature. To do so, however, it is first necessary, that he or she recognize and then learn to let go of the mechanical and learned nature of our 'ordinary' self-centered thinking.

As spiritual teacher and author, William Holden recently blogged on The Huffington Post:

". . . (A)wakening to our original enlightened nature involves interrupting the ordinary flow of linear, language-based, thinking so that we can rediscover "the mind within the mind". Focusing on external circumstances or teachings is not what triggers the moment of (spiritual awakening), in other words. Rather, it is focusing on the absence of internal commentary. Because it is impossible to "think" without words, this practice of stopping the flow of running commentary on our lives involves cultivating a mindset of no-thought (wu-nien) in an attempt to experience each moment as it is without silently talking to ourselves about it."

In the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (at page 98) Bill W. points out that a logically interrelated practice of "self-examination, meditation and prayer" will, in effect, allow the practitioner to access the hidden depths of our being, yielding him or her "an unshakeable foundation" for spiritual living. The Twelve Steps are designed to let us practice this spiritual methodology effectively.

The "maintenance of our spiritual condition" (and with it the ability to move beyond the small and suffering 'self') if practiced over time is the solution to the real problem of the alcoholic addict, the problem centered in his or her mind. It is a solution that all spiritual and religious traditions point to (as outlined in the audio clip, attached below), a solution that moves the alcoholic addict beyond his or her "painful inner dialogue."

If the alcoholic addict still suffering in sobriety is to "move beyond the confines of mere rationalism" and overcome the obsessive nature of the mind, and the problems in life which it presents, he or she may be well advised to look beyond the 'Big Book' and more deeply into the many and varied spiritual and religious paths that complement the Twelve Steps. This may require moving even beyond the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions and other A.A. literature, and further into the realm of the spirit, being quick to see where religious people may be right and making "use of what they to offer: 'Big Book,' page 87.

A Spiritual Way of Life

In the attached video, A.A. pioneer, Chuck C. (author of "A New Pair of Glasses") shares his insights into living "A Spiritual Way of Life" with a non-alcoholic audience of students at the University of California.

"I don't think we have a life of our own, and I don't think we have a mind of our own," he tells his audience. "I think there is one life with many faces, (and) one mind common to all men. And you and I have our identity in It. We have our identity in life.

"We are," he says, "individualized centers of God-consciousness."



 "You cannot change the reality of your own being," he notes, "you can only change your experience in reality. . . . We can change our experience, but we can't change the reality of our own being."

"(O)ur own peace of mind, serenity and purpose," he observes, "cannot depend upon any person, place, circumstance or condition outside ourselves. (This) depends only on our own relationship to our very own God."

"And," he points out, "its an inside job!"

Maintenance of Our Spiritual Condition

"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do. . . . We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." (Emphasis added.)

Alcoholics Anonymous, page 85

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"More sobriety brought about by not drinking and attendance at a few meetings is very good, indeed," Bill W. observed. "(B)ut," he pointed out, "it is bound to be a far cry from permanent sobriety and a contented, useful life." (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pages 39-40.)

Why is this?

Simply because it is all too easy to let up on the spiritual work that must be practiced daily if we are to stay on the spiritual path, to attain and enlarge our spiritual consciousness, and to attain "a new state or consciousness and being." The daily practice of "self-examination, meditation and prayer" - a practice that all of the world's great wisdom traditions advocate - is required for spiritual growth and spiritual living.

Almost invariably, however, at some point in their recovery most alcoholic addicts will let up on the "daily . . . maintenance of (their) spiritual condition." Some, like me, will survive by dint of good fortune (or, perhaps, good karma) to again take up the spiritual path. Others will die - quickly or slowly - often after many repeated and failed attempts to regain their sobriety.

Each day that elapses without practicing the necessary measure of "self-examination, meditation and prayer" that is required to deflate one's ego (and keep it deflated),  in my experience, makes it easier for another day to pass without the requisite practice. The inevitable outcome is grave, however, physically or literally.

Having once attained sobriety and obtained some freedom from the ceaseless chatter of the egoic self - having reduced to some extent the intensity and frequency of one's "painful inner dialogue" - it becomes all too easy to turn to the matters of the world and neglect the matters of the psyche and the soul. This is particularly so, if we fall victim (as I did) to the "delusion" that life has somehow become "manageable."

All our time time then, it seems, is taken up by the struggle to either: (a) keep the things (money, possessions, relationships, etc.) we have attained and think are necessary for our continuing security and happiness, or (b) to pursue the things we don't have, but which we think are necessary to make us feel happy and secure.

Unfortunately, the sense of "calamity, (the) pomp, and (the) worship of other things" engendered by such pursuits obscures "the fundamental idea of God" that is inherent in each of us. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 55.) It is a spiritual truth that happiness and security is attained not by what we have, but rather by what we do not need to have.

"Why, is it," author, videographer and minister, Rev. Ted Nottingham is asked (in the video below), " (that) after introducing the . . . inner work on one's self and meditation to so many people, do so few actually move forward (on the spiritual path) in a committed, long-term way?" It is, I think, a very good question for all of us in recovery to consider.

"It is so hard to find even those few who are interested in these profound realities," Rev. Nottingham notes, "in part because it requires such change on our part to enter into the wisdom teachings - whatever they may be - from across all great traditions. If one truly discovers the core of their meaning, it has to do with spiritual awakening, spiritual evolution, self-awareness, brutal self-honesty, and an understanding of what it takes to go against the current of one's self."

"(M)ost people . . . drop off very quicky," he observes. "Even to begin with there are so few who are interested in just the general concepts. But then, (even) amongst those (few), there may be an initial excitement, curiousity (or) enticement into the mysteries of the sacred, of a greater conscious, of new understanding, of self-mastery, (and) of understanding others. . . . And, yet, before you know it they just drift back to the old ways."

"Numerous teachers have pointed out that you are worse off having found something and then turned away from it," he notes, "because (then) you can never go back to sleep in quite the same way (and) live as if you hadn't discovered another path."

"It is indeed a great human tragedy," says Nottingham, "to have come close to life transforming teachings that offer the kind of human wholeness and fulfillment, radiance, (and) goodness that they are designed to do, and then to walk away from them and fall back into the dreary egoism and self-absorption that makes life ultimately meaningless."

"Do not leave before the miracle happens," A.A. newcomers are often urged. "It is exceedingly hard," as many old-timers who have 'slipped' point out, "to have a head full of A.A. and a belly full of beer." Yet, there seems to be (as Nottingham points out) an all-too human propensity to fall off the spiritual path once one has had the barest tasting of the spiritual fruits that continuing and advancing on the path will yield. (This, I would note, may be especially true of alcoholic addicts who are, it has been observed, "rebellious by nature.")

"The main reason to those out there who wonder why so few remain consistently (and) focused on these teachings of whatever variety," says Nottingham, "is to recognize that it is part of our human condition, to be so fragile, to be constantly on the edge of just falling off (or) falling back into automatic routines and the easy way."

I am neither Christian, nor am I non-Christian, per se.  Rather, I follow the advice given to me by my late spiritual mentor  to "study all religions until I become able to see the sameness in them all." Or, as Bill W., advised, at page 87 of the Big Book: "Be quick to see where religious people are right. They have much to offer us." )

In that vein, there is a particularly cogent observation of Jesus that so figuratively answers the question of why so many people let up on the spiritual practices that have saved, or can save their lives. That being:

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few."

Matthew 7:13-14

Suffering and Spiritual Awakening

"As long as we placed self-reliance first, a genuine reliance upon a Higher Power was out of the question. That basic ingredient of all humility, a desire to seek and do God's will, was missing."

"For us, the process of gaining a new perspective was unbelievably painful."

". . . In every case (however), pain (has) been the price of admission into a new life. But this admission price has purchased more than we expected. It brought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain. We began to fear pain less, and desire humility more than ever."

". . . We saw we needn't always be bludgeoned and beaten into humility. It  could come quite as much from our voluntary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering." (Emphasis added.)

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pages 72 & 76

Arctic explorer, Knud Rasmussen, (1879-1933), returned to Europe with stories of the suffering endured by Inuit shamans, the "medicine men" of the High Arctic, in their ritual initiations. One such shaman, Igjugarjuk, told Rasmussen how as a young adolescent he had been taken out on the ice-floes by an elder shaman. There, in the constant dark and cold of a polar winter, he had been left by himself in a snow shelter for forty days with minimal contact in order that he might meditate upon "the Great Spirit," and thereby attain a spiritual awakening.

"Sometimes I died a little," Igjugarjuk said. But, then, he told Rasmussen, "a helping spirit" arrived "in the form of a woman who seemed to hover in the air above (me)." After this, he was taken home by the elder shaman, there to diet and fast for an additional five months under the elder shaman's guidance. Such ordeals, he told Rasmussen, are "the best means of attaining a knowledge of hidden things."

"The only true wisdom," lgjugarjuk said, "lives far from mankind, out in the great loneliness, and can be reached only through suffering. Privation and suffering alone open the mind of a man to all that is hidden to others."

Najagneq, circa 1922

Another shaman, Najagneq, told Rasmussen of his "venture into the silence," an ordeal in which he met the spirit he called Sila - a spirit, according to Najabneq, that "cannot be explained in so many words." "Sila," he told Rasmussen, is "a very strong spirit, the upholder of the universe, of the weather, in fact of all life on earth. (A spirit) so mighty that his speech to man comes not through ordinary words, but through storms, snowfall, rain showers, the tempests of the sea, all the forces that man fears, or through sunshine, calm seas, or small, innocent, playing children who understand nothing."

"When times are good," Najagneq told Rasmussen, "Sila has nothing to say to mankind. He has disappeared into his infinite nothingness and remains away as long as people do not abuse life but have respect for their daily food. No one has ever seen Sila," he said. "His place of sojourn is so mysterious that he is with us and infinitely far away at the same time."

"The inhabitant or soul of the universe," Najagneq said, "is never seen; its voice alone is heard. All we know is that it has a gentle voice, like a woman, a voice so fine and gentle that even children cannot become afraid. And what it says is: 'Sila ersinarsinivdluge,'" i.e., "There is nothing to be afraid of in the universe."

(From Schizophrenia: The Inward Journey, by Joseph Campbell)

The alcoholic addict, in recovery, knows much about suffering - both the untreated suffering of addiction, and the suffering that is frequently endured in sobriety as he or she awakens to to the spiritual power that resides "deep down in every man woman and child." (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 55.)

"Faith is a dark night for man," St. John of the Cross wrote in The Dark Night of the Soul, "but in this very way it gives him light. . . . Like a blind man he must lean on dark faith, accept it for his guide and light, and rest on nothing of what he understands, tastes, feels, or imagines. . . . To reach the supernatural bounds a person must depart from his natural bounds and leave self far off in respect to his interior and exterior limits in order to mount from a low state to the highest."

"When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or avoid," writes Bill W. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 53), "we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else he is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?"

Painful as it may be, for every alcoholic addict has a lower or higher pride - be it pride of intellect, pride of independence, pride of person, pride of strength, or even pride of faith - each such person, on attaining true humility, will have passed his or her 'Dark Night of the Soul' and will have attained to a quiet consciousness of the Spirit, or God, that pervades their being and the world around them.

The Practice of Spiritual Awakening

"Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer."

Alcoholics Anonymous, page 87.

WARNING: This blog entry (and the attached video by Rev. Ted Nottingham) may be somewhat confusing to those readers who may not have completed the Twelve Steps, or those among us who do not seriously seek, or have let up on our efforts, to "improve our conscious contact with God." 

Please remember: "Keep an Open Mind."

"Do not conform any longer to the world," St. Paul advised, "but be transformed by the renewal of your mind." (Rom. 12:2) And what is "renewal" if it is not "recovery" - a "recovery" which is at the heart of A.A's program of action and, indeed, which is at the heart of all the world's great religious and wisdom traditions?

"Religion," notes Rev. Nottingham  (real 'inner religious' transformation, as opposed to the too-often insignificant and superficial trappings and practices of a mere 'outer religion'), "means to relink or reconnect with Spirit." In the following video, in which he introduces "a perennial teaching, timeless and universal, of spiritual transformation," Nottingham surveys a number of little known spiritual teachings and teachers - everything from Orthodox Christianity to Zen Buddhism - with an emphasis on "The Fourth Way" teachings of G.I. Gurdjieff and P.D. Ouspensky.

These teachings may prove invaluable to those of us in recovery who are constantly trying to expand and deepen our spiritual recovery - even though, perhaps, there are few enough amongst us who wish or are willing to go to the deeper depths which may be available through outside traditions. But, "keep an open mind", as there are hidden, esoteric depths to every tradition, and with each new depth we experience, a new and further depth awaits just beyond.

As Ouspensky observed:

"The evolution of human consciousness is a question of personal efforts and is therefore a rare exception amongst human beings. . . . Most people simply do not want to awaken. To become a different being we must want it greatly, and over many years. Without the necessary efforts we will not evolve. Moreover, we must acquire qualities we may believe we already possess, but in fact do not."

"The attainment of higher levels of consciousness," says Nottingham, "is closely related to certain religious practices which we find in all cultures, such as meditation and contemplation. Yet," he notes, "(t)hese are difficult paths to tread because our attention is always being caught by the ceaseless chattering going on in our heads." Nonetheless, he points out, "(i)t is possible to become receptive to a state of pure consciousness without thought, where truth is revealed to us directly without words."




"Awakening from the sleep of a carnal life, an externally-driven life, does not happen automatically," Nottingham observes, "it requires directed attention and sincere, repeated efforts. . . . You will not (however) make the effort to awaken," he notes, "if you do not know you are asleep. We have to realize our captivity before it can occur to us to escape from it."


Further helpful videos are available on Ted Nottingham's Youtube channel, and his books (as well as those of his wife, Rebecca Nottingham, and certain of their valuable translations) are available online. Rev. Nottingham also publishes a free weekly podcast available on PodOmatic.com.

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At the end of the above video, Rev. Nottingham recommends the following practices as tools for attaining spiritual awakening and deepening our spiritual experience:

Tools and Practices for Spiritual Development

• Recognize the sleep of unawareness. These things keep us asleep:
• Being unaware that we are asleep.
• Being unaware that we can choose to be awake.
• Not choosing it.
• Presuming that we are already fully aware.
• Believing that we are already good.
• Negative emotions and our attachment to them.
• Justifying our negative emotions.
• Automatic habits.
• Constant inner talking.
• Fear of change.
• Spiritual laziness.
• Allowing ourselves to be swept up in the current of our responses to life.
• Fearful emotions:
• insecurity,
• embarrassment,
• impatience,
• self-pity,
• dread, anxiety, worry, nervousness,
• criticizing,
• hopelessness,
• depression, despair, and jealousy.

• Discipline your mind to be aware.

• Stop and silence negative thoughts and negative emotions.

• Silence justifications. Never accept your justifications for your negative emotions.

• Don't believe fear. Fear opposes faith.

• Don't consent to anger. Angry emotions have violence in them.

• Remember why you are choosing to overcome your anger. 
• It is unhealthy physically, mentally and spiritually.
• It wastes your energy and life force.
• It never produces goodness.
• To not allow yourself to be under the dominion of changing circumstances.
• To choose to act, not just react to life.
• To become more than only the result of what has done to you.

• Practice not criticizing, not objecting, not exerting or expressing your opinions and attitudes.

• Silence negative inner talking.

• Think of scale and relativity, your universal significance and what is really important.

• For a moment, stand outside of the stream of events and your responses.
• Sense your real self above them and outside them.
• Become aware of your unique individuality and become aware of your relative insignificance.
• Become aware of your connectedness with all things.

• Quiet your mind by thinking about what is good and worthy and beautiful.

• Stop thinking about yourself and how you feel, and what you like and what you don't like, and  whether you approve or not of every person and event.

• Consciously give your attention and time to whatever good things inspire you.

• Realize and accept that you alone are responsible for all of your actions and their consequences in the world.

• Accept not being understood.

• Accept injustice, judgment, condemnation, slander, gossip, and your insufficiency . . . and return good for evil, forgiveness for offense.

• Stop complaining. It is noisy and there is no "Thy will be done" in it.

• Stop taking offense. Humility is not offendable.

• Release your requirements that other people be how you think they should be.

• Release your expectations of life and circumstances and your need to be satisfied by them.

•  Live the fruits of the spirit whether you are satisfied or not.

• Stop thinking that you deserve better. No one deserves anything.

•  Give up having to have the last word.

• Don't worry about the impression you make on others.

• Sacrifice your need to be right.

• Don't speak negatively about any other person.

• Refuse to listen to, believe, or participate in gossip.

• Give up being impatient. It is the vanity of wanting your will now over God's timing.

• Stop thinking about what other people are thinking about you.

• Refuse to accept your justifications for acting badly.

•  Practice being scrupulously honest with yourself and other people.

• Whatever you do, do it to please God. Who else do you have to impress?

• Strive for purity of heart. 
• In purity you will find peace and humility. 
• In humility you will find freedom, authenticity, and serenity.

Process for Spiritual Development

• Aim: Loving God, goodness, purity, servanthood.

• Acquire knowledge to know what you must do to live out your aim.
• Know thyself and know what to do about thyself.

• Direct your attention to  become aware of what is going on inside you, in your thoughts and emotions.

• Observe yourself with:
• scathing honesty,
• perseverance,
• integrity and patience.

• Use discernment to recognize how and when  you are outside God's will which is always good.

• Practice STOP toward your negative thoughts and feelings.
• Practice silence toward them one at a time.

• Create a separation between your authentic self and your automatic habits of thoughts, feelings, attitudes and opinions.

•  Choose what you consent to think, feel and do.

• Choose goodness before gratification -- what you know to be good rather than what feels good.

• Sacrifice, give up, your negative emotions. Don't condemn yourself for them. Change them.

• Do not allow yourself to express negative emotions out loud.

• Make yourself passive to your automatic reactions.

• Make your internal responses quiet so that you can act with intentionality.

• Release your requirements of life, people and circumstances.

• Release your desire for satisfaction.

• Willingly bear your necessary suffering, including all the efforts you must make to develop spiritual maturity and obedience.

Remember that God's nature is one thing and that is perfect Goodness.

Spiritual Experience a.k.a Religious Experience

"Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer."

Alcoholics Anonymous, page 87

"The terms "spiritual experience" and "spiritual awakening" are used many times in this book which, upon careful examination, shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested among us in many different forms."

"Yet it is true that our first printing gave many readers the impression that these personality changes, or religious experiences, must be in the nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals. Happily for everyone, this conclusion is erroneous."

". . . Most emphatically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial." (Emphasis added.)

Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 567-568

Neither Alcoholics Anonymous nor its sister organizations is "allied with any sect (or) denomination." Indeed, the Foreword to the Second Edition of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, first published in 1955, makes clear that A.A. at that time in its history included "Catholics, Protestant, Jew, Hindus, and a sprinkling of Moslems and Buddhists." Moreover, the "We Agnostics" chapter is devoted to those who may have no particular faith or belief in "a Power greater than (them)selves," let alone "a God of (their) own understanding." Why, then, in the "Spiritual Experience" Appendix does the 'Big Book' talk of "religious experience"? And, are people that stress that A.A. is "a spiritual not a religious program" wholly right?

The answer to that last question, it seems to me, is both yes and no. While we may respect the validity and usefulness of all creeds and denominations - being "quick to see where religious people are right" - we embrace none in particular. What William James termed "outer religion" -  steeples, bells, incense, liturgies, vestments and ceremonies, etc. - has no part whatsoever to play in A.A. However, what James termed "inner religion" in his masterwork, "The Varieties of Religious Experience" (the only outside reference in the 'Big Book'), has everything to do with the spiritual solution which we seek.

Religion - from the Latin re ligare, meaning to 're-tie' or 'reunite' - in its "outer sense" means to tie or unite a group of individuals in a congregation, or communion. In its "inner sense," however, it means to reunite our highest and self-less consciousness with a greater consciousness or Being, perhaps with the "God-consciousness" referenced in the "Spiritual Experience" appendix.

In Eastern traditions, which tend to stress meditation even more so than prayer, the word that is used for this "inner sense" or practice of religion is "yoga." Derived from the same Sanskrit term for the English word "yoke" - i.e., that which ties the ox to the cart - it, too, means to 're-tie' or 'reunite' our deepest consciousness and being with a greater consciousness and Being, itself.  Thus, in A.A., from its very start, individuals have knowingly or unknowingly sought the  inner "religious experience" which is the very same "spiritual experience" (or "spiritual awakening") we are, more or less, comfortable and familiar with

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:29-30     

Bill W., in his belated correspondence thanking Carl Jung for the unknowing initial impetus he gave to what would become A.A., acknowledged the insights that Jung had passed on to Rowland H., the "certain American business man" whose experience is described at pages 26-28 of the 'Big Book.' Citing the advice Jung gave to Rowland, Bill wrote:

"First of all you told of his hopelessness, so far as any further medical or psychiatric treatment might be concerned. . . . When he then asked you if there was any other hope, you told him there might be, provided he could become the subject of a spiritual or religious experience - in short, a genuine conversion. "  ("Pass It On," page 382.)

 Bill then told Jung of his own spiritual awakening and those of "many of thousands" other A.A. members. "As you will now see clearly," he wrote, "this astonishing chain of events actually started long ago in your consulting room, and it was directly founded upon your own humility and deep perception. . . . Because of your conviction that man is something more than intellect, emotion, and two dollars' worth of chemicals, you have especially endeared yourself to us. . . ."

In response, Jung noted that (at least as it was in Rowland's case) the "craving for alcohol" is "the equivalent on a low level of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness, expressed in medieval terms: the union with God."

Carl G. Jung
1875-1961

"Jung is considered to be the

first modern psychiatrist to view

the human psyche as"by nature 

religious" and make it the focus 

of exploration." See: wikipedia

"The only right and legitimate way to such an experience," Jung continued, "is that it happens to you in reality, and it can only happen to you when you walk on a path which leads you to higher understanding. You might be led to that goal by an act of grace or through a personal and honest contact with friends, or through a higher education of the mind beyond mere rationalism."

"Alcohol in Latin is spiritus," he concluded, "and you use the same word for the highest religious experience as you do for the most depraving poison. The helpful formulas therefore is: spiritus contra spiritum."

In a further letter responding to Jung's correspondence, Bill wrote:

"Your observation that drinking motivation often includes that of a quest for spiritual values caught our special interest. I am sure that, on reflection, thousands of our members could testify that this had been true of them, despite the fact that they often drank for oblivion, for grandiosity, and other undesirable emotions. Sometimes, it seems unfortunate that alcohol used in excess, turns out to be a deformer of consciousness, as well as an addictive poison."  ("Pass It On," page 385.)

Additionally, acknowledging the help that many A.A. pioneers had received from reading Jung's "Modern Man in Search of a Soul," he praised Jung's observation that: "(M)ost persons having arrived at age 40 and having acquired no conclusions or faith as to who they were, or where they were, or where they were going next in the cosmos, would be bound to encounter increasing neurotic difficulties; and that this would be likely to occur whether their youthful aspirations for sex union, security, and a satisfactory place in society had been satisfied or not. In short, they could not continue to fly blind toward no destination at all, in a universe seemingly having little purpose or meaning. Neither could any amount of resolution, philosophical speculation, or superficial religious conditioning save them from the dilemma in which they found themselves. So long as they lacked any direct spiritual awakening and therefore awareness, their conflict simply had to increase."

Acknowledging that these views had had "an immense impact" on some early members, Bill acknowledged that "(w)e saw that you had perfectly described the impasse in which we had once been, but from which we had been delivered through our several spiritual awakenings. This 'spiritual experience' had to be our key to survival and growth. We saw that an alcoholic's helplessness could be turned to vital advantage. By the admission of this, he could be deflated at depth, thus fulfilling the first condition of a remotivating conversion experience." ("Pass It On," pages 385-386)

Bill's "conversion experience" is, of course, the same as a "spiritual awakening," as a "spiritual experience," or as a "religious experience." It can be found through "outer" religious practice, but mere religious beliefs, knowledge and/or practice are not necessarily sufficient to bring it about. It must be found "in reality" beyond mere self-consciousness, or ego-consciousness.

Awakenings to  such "higher understanding" or "higher consciousness" (a.k.a. "God-consciousness" as many A.A.'s refer to it) are reported in all religious traditions, but such a "spiritual experience" or "religious experience" is wholly an "inner phenomenon." It is, as it describes, first and foremost experiential. In this sense, and this sense only, the Twelve Steps are indeed, and in fact, just as much a "religious" as a "spiritual" program.

* * * * *

Jung's letter to Bill W., dated January 30, 1961:

Jung died on June 6th, 1961, before he could return Bill W.'s second letter.

* * * * *

"Hear only this through the Holy Spirit within you, and teach your brothers to listen as I am teaching you. When you are tempted by the wrong voice, call on me to remind you how to heal by sharing my decision and MAKING IT STRONGER. As we share this goal, we increase its power to attract the whole Sonship, and to bring it back into the Oneness in which it was created."

"Remember that "yoke" means "join together" and "burden" means message. Let us reconsider the biblical statement "my yoke is easy and my burden light" in this way. Let us join together, for my message is Light. I came to your minds because you had grown vaguely aware of the fact that there is another way, or another voice. Having given this invitation to the Holy Spirit, I could come to provide the model for HOW TO THINK."

"Psychology has become the study of BEHAVIOR, but no-one denies the basic law that behavior is a response to MOTIVATION, and motivation is will. I have enjoined you to behave as I behaved, but we must respond to the same mind to do this. This mind is the Holy Spirit, whose will is for God always. It teaches you how to keep me as the model for your thought, and behave like me as a result."

"The power of our joint motivation is beyond belief, but NOT beyond accomplishment. What we can accomplish together has no limits, because the call for God IS the call to the unlimited. Child of God, my message is for YOU, to hear and give away as you answer the Holy Spirit within you."

From "A Course In Miracles," Chapter V ("The Voice for God")

Deep Down Within Us

" . . (D)eep down within every man, woman, and child is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. . . ."

Alcoholics Anonymous, page 55

 * * * * *

"All sentient beings are buddhas,
But they are covered by temporary obscurations."

Hevajra Tantra

* * * * *

"This temporary obscuration is our own thinking, If we didn't already have the buddha nature ("that Great Reality deep down within us") meaning a nature that is identical to that of all awakened ones, no matter how much we try we would never become enlightened." 

. . .  

"Recognize your mind and in the absence of any concrete thing, rest loosely. After a while we again get caught up in thoughts. but by recognizing again and again, we grow ore and more used to the natural state. It's like learning something by heart - after a while, you don't need to think about it. Through this process, our thoughts involvement grows weaker and weaker The gap between thoughts begins to last longer and longer. At a certain point, for half an hour there will be a stretch of no conceptual thought whatsoever, without having to suppress thinking."

Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche, "As It Is," Vol. II, pp. 48-49

* * * * *

"There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakeable foundation for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse of that ultimate reality which is God's kingdom."

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 98

* * * * *

"And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not with observation:

Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you." 

Luke 17:20-21

Eckhart Tolle: On Resentments

"The past has no power to stop you from being present now. Only your grievance about the past can do that. And what is a grievance? The baggage of old thought and emotion."

-- Eckhart Tolle --
("A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose")

The Twelve Steps are designed to bring about "ego deflation at depth" and, thereby, a spiritual awakening which will solve the alcoholic addict's problem - "self" - in all its manifestations, selfishness, self-centeredness, egocentrism etc. One of the first concrete steps we take in this process of ego deflation is to list all of our lingering resentments, the lingering anger that we hold against people, ideas and even circumstances.

Why the importance in reconciling our resentments? The answer is that unless we do so they fester as an underlying anger that blocks us off from the spiritual resources that are buried within us. It is impossible for us to be honest, patient, understanding and loving while we harbour the lingering coals of the grievances we have towards others.

"Resentment is the emotion that goes with complaining and the mental labeling of people and adds even more energy to the ego," notes Eckhart Tolle, a renowned spiritual teacher. "Resentment," he observes, "means to feel bitter, indignant, aggrieved or offended. You resent other people's greed, their dishonesty, their lack of integrity, what they are doing, what they did in the past, what they said, what they failed to do, what they should or shouldn't have done."

"The ego loves it," he points out. "Instead of overlooking unconsciousness in others, you make it into their identity. Who," he asks rhetorically, "is doing that?"

"The unconscious in you," he answers, "the ego."

"Sometimes the "fault" that you perceive in another isn't even there," he notes. "It is a total misinterpretation, a projection by a mind conditioned to see enemies and to make itself right or superior. At ohter time, the fault may be there, but by focusing on it, sometines to the exclusion of everything else, you amplify it, and what you react to in another, he cautions, you strengthen in yourself."

[Tolle, "A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose," p. 62.]

The Spiritual Life Is NOT a Theory!

"The spiritual life is not a theory," we read in the 'Big Book'. "We have to live it." Why this exhortation? At one level it is a recognition that we must have a spiritual awakening and live a spiritually awakened life if we are to remain clean and sober. At a deeper level, it is an affirmation that - whether we like it or not, and irrespective of whether we believe it or not - we are living a spiritual life, that life itself is inherently spiritual. The  question then becomes: are we living this spiritual life consciously?

Living a spiritually conscious life is no mean feat. It must be lived consciously, and our self-consciousness is a pernicious and relentless adversary. Can our self-centered consciousness truly be overcome. In the St. Francis prayer (the Step 11 prayer at page 99 of The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions) we are assured this is possible. "It is by self-forgetting that we find," we read. "It is by dying (to self, or the ego) that we awaken to eternal life." If we awaken to eternal life, is this eternity not inclusive of our whole lives? Are we not living in an eternal life, irrespective of whether we know or accept that fact. "The spiritual life is not a theory." We are living it - right now!

How then do we attune ourselves to this hidden reality? In the Twelve and Twelve (at page 98), the author suggests a richly interwoven process of self-examination, meditation and prayer - a process and practice that is reflective of the entire 12 Step program.

"There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation and prayer," we read. "Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakeable foundation for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse of that ultimate reality that is God's kingdom. And we will be comforted and assured that our own destiny in that realm will be secure for so long as we try, however falteringly, to find and do the will or our own Creator."

"Selfishness - self-centeredness! That we think is the root of our problem. Driven by a hundred different forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate." (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62.)

A life of conscious spirituality requires constant vigilance, or self examination. When we find ourselves thinking once more without awareness, we can be assured that this our ordinary self-consciousness trying to reassert itself. Just a snippet of the Step 3 prayer - "Relieve me of the bondage of self!" - may be enough to re-center ourselves in the God-consciousness of pure being. At other times, when in the throes of a full-blown ego attack characterized by emotional intensity and acute indecisiveness, the Serenity Prayer helps. In either instance the goal is to re-establish ourselves in the security of our newfound sense of consciousness and being, assured that it is there for the seeking.

Self-examination, in turn, requires that we set aside time for prayer and meditation. Just a few minutes of silent recurrence to the realm of pure Spirit each day is enough for us to begin the path of living this spiritual life consciously. This is not a theory. It is the practical lesson learned by millions of alcoholic addicts in recovery. It works if we work it.

Trust God, Clean House, Help Others

"A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways." (James 1:8)

"Draw near to God and God will draw near to you. Wash clean your hands, ye sinners. Purify your hearts ye double-minded." (James 4:8)

Dr. Bob, in the "Co-Founders of Alcoholics Anonymous" pamphlet, notes that in the earliest days of A.A. he and Bill found the Book of James (together with the Beatitudes and 1 Corinthians: 13) to be "absolutely essential." "Absolutely essential," no doubt, as all these passages speak to the spiritual malady that is at the root of the alcoholic addict's suffering. This is particularly so of the Book of James, where one finds such maxims as "Faith without works is dead."

Keeping in mind the description of  "the actor" on pages 60-62 of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, and the ultimate conclusion that "the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run wild," the above -quoted passages from the Book of James seem to me to be particularly relevant. They recognize that the vast, vast majority of us - alcoholic and non-alcoholic alike - are "double minded." And, I would put it to you, that such double-mindedness consist of the small ego-self and one's authentic Being. Such an observation accounts for Bill's observation that "our actor is self-centered - ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays." The self-reliant "actor" erratically tries to manage everything, not realizing that no one person can manage life; not realizing, indeed, that life is inherently unmanageable.

And what was Dr. Bob's famed summary of the A.A. program and way of life? "Trust God. Clean house. Help others." Notice how closely this mirrors the above passage from James 4:8. ("Draw near to God and God will draw near to you. Wash clean your hands, ye sinners. Purify your hearts ye double minded.")

This is not to suggest that Alcoholics Anonymous (or any of its sister organizations) is anything but a spiritual program, or that it is exclusively Christian-based  - a fact recognized in our Traditions and experience from the beginning of A.A. - but, rather, it is a recognition of how A.A.'s spiritual principles accord with spiritual principles recognized elsewhere. (Personally, I do not care whether "truth" comes from the Buddha, the Bible or Bambi's mother in the Walt Disney film - the truth is the truth, is the truth.)

The truths reflected in the above-passages form the Book of James reflect what we learn in A.A. That there is within each of us an at-first predominant ego (or small "self") and a higher, God-consciousness which is the essence of all spiritual experience. The point of the Twelve Steps is not so much to arrest one's drinking (which is more of a prerequisite), but to enable one to effect an ever clearer and more consistent conscious contact with this highest portion of one's being.

To the extent that one wavers between self-consciousness and God-consciousness, one's thoughts, words, and actions are bound to fluctuate, waver, and to become "unstable in every way." To the extent that one draws near to God, clears away the wreckage of one's past, and purifies one's heart in order that he or she may help others, however, one becomes increasingly single-minded, and fixed ever more steadily in a conscious contact with one's Higher Power.

The goal of A.A. is thus "ego deflation at depth" so that altruistic and compassionate action based on God-consciousness may increasingly predominate in our lives.

A Lesson in "Self-Will Run Riot"

"Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased."

-- Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 60-61 --

Interestingly, in this description of the self-centered "actor" (at pp. 60-62), the writer of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous does not distinguish between alcoholic addicts and 'so-called' normal people. Quite the contrary. "(O)ur troubles," he notes generically, "are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme case of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so." (Emphasis added.)

The realization that the vast, vast majority of all people are self-centered is a most useful tool in our recovery. It is not that the typical self-centeredness of others justifies our self-centered behaviour, but rather, knowing this (and always keeping in mind that we are an "extreme case of self-will run riot"), it (a) helps explain why we so often find ourselves "in collision" with others, and (b) points to the dangers that our obsessive self-centeredness poses.

While others may argue in grocery store check-outs, lie to their boss, or act aggressively while driving in heavy traffic, etc., as non-alcoholic addicts they are not prone to go home and drink or drug themselves to death. Rather they will cope with their obsessive self-centeredness in any myriad of ways - watching television, going to the gym and working out excessively, chain-smoking, gambling or perhaps just consoling themselves in the love they have for their family and relaxing in their pool. The point is, that unchecked, the self-centeredness of the alcoholic addict, will always (or so it seems) lead back in one way or another to addiction.

I remember being warned in the earliest weeks of my sobriety not to let any other obsession - for women, for work, or for whatever - seep into my life. I also remember being told that anything I put in fromt of my sobriety I would lose. It was easy to follow this advice at first, or so it seemed. I was married with a good union job, a home and a year-old baby. And as I immersed myself in A.A., working the steps, working with my sponsor and helping others, I never thought that all I was warned against would happen to me.

With four years of sobriety under my belt, I was persuaded to go back to finish the university degree I had abandoned when I was out there "performing." Unknowingly, I had channelled my obsessive nature into something that conventional wisdom says is beneficial. My wife, my parents, my friends and family, even my employer were solidly behind me, and I excelled. Success bred more success, or so I thought. But, as the renowned economist, J. K. Galbratih famously observed, "the trouble with conventional wisdom is that it is usually wrong," and it would take another 10 years before I began to understand this bit of wisdom.

Just shy of ten years sober, having gone back and got not one but two college degrees, and having traded in my coveralls for a three-piece suit, I was working 12 to 14 hours on a typical day as I forged a new career in the law. Moving to a new town, it was all too easy to let what was left of my membership in A.A. lapse. Knowingly, I made the decision that I did not have the time to go to A.A., that spending what little time I had with my wife and two young daughters was far more important, and that - after all - I wasn't going to drink or drug again, etc. Little did I remember the advice that wiser old-timers had given me early in sobriety: don't swap one obsession for another, and never put anything ahead of your sobriety.

Five years later, with a failed marriage, a decimated career, and a botched suicide under my belt, I was brought back to A.A. by one of those old-timers, craving a drink or drug for release but too frightened to try.

With the help of a new sponsor who had drank after fifteen years sobriety, and was once again fifteen years sober, I went back through the Steps and became an active member of A.A. Another wizened old-timers took me back through my story (and his) and convincingly demonstrated to me how the problem of the alcoholic - at least this alcoholic - does, indeed, center in the mind, while another deeply spiritual old-timer taught me to meditate.

In time, and not without setbacks, I regained all that really mattered to me and more. Through the application of the Steps and daily work (not without backsliding) on the maintenance of my spiritual condition I have attained - however falteringly - to what Bill W. rightly called "a new state of consciousness and being."

Of course, there were amends to make, character defects to work on and many, many meetings to make. And, of course,  I regret that I put a lot of people through needless suffering. Yet, I cannot help but think that without the suffering I endured by turning my back on A.A., I likely would not have learned much about my nature or the nature of my fellow man. And I would certainly not have found the conscious contact I now have with a Higher Power that is far greater than my limited "self."

(One of my favourite speakers says that alcoholics in recovery are the luckiest people in the world; that most people go through life wondering simply if there is a God, while we in A.A. get to experience the effect that God has in our lives and the lives of others.)

Thankfully, I survived the ultimate lesson in how dangerous "self-will run riot" can be; and, if I can draw any lessons to pass on to others to save them from relapse back into addiction or worse it is this: (a) the problem of not only the alcoholic, but each of us, centers in the mind, and (b) that the alcoholic addict is extremely self-centered, and thus, if unchecked, is very dangerous to himself and others. For that reason, please - I beg you - don't let any other obsession seep into your life, and never, ever, put anyone or anything else before your sobriety.

Peace.

Alcohol, Transformation and Spiritual Intoxication

The word "alcohol" is derived from the Arabic alkoh'l, meaning collyrium, a metallic powder obtained from distilling the bark of the kohl tree that was used as a glittering eye-makeup in the mid-East. Small wonder, then, that mystic Sufis (an esoteric branch of Islam) used alcohol, particularly wine, as a metaphor for higher spiritual experience and consciousness. The product of distillation (including the distillation of their greatest spiritual wisdom) made everything seem more beautiful, it seems.

This explains, at several levels, the oftentimes startling use of drunkenness as a metaphor for spiritual intoxication and higher consciousness by some of Islam's greatest poets - Rumi, Khabir and Omar Khayam, for example - a daring and meaningful metaphor considering, particularly, that there is a strict proscription against drinking alcohol and taking intoxicants in Islam. The great Sufi teachers seem to have intuitively known the truth realized centuries later by the great psychologist, Carl Jung: that the drunkard's thirst for alcohol is "on a low level the thirst of our being for wholeness, in medieval terms: union with God."

Consider the following description of "the tavern" by renowned poet and best-selling translator of Rumi's poetry, Coleman Barks:

"In the tavern are many wines - the wine of delight in color and form and taste, the wine of the intellect's agility, the fine port of stories, and the cabernet of soul singing. Being human means entering this place where entrancing varieties of desire are served. The grapeskin of ego breaks and a pouring begins. Fermentation is one of the oldest symbols for human transformation. When grapes combine their juice and are closed up together for a time in a dark place, the results are spectacular. This is what lets two drunks meet so that they don't know who is who. Pronouns no longer apply in the tavern's mud-world of excited confusions and half-articulated wantings."

"But after some time in the tavern, a point comes, a memory of elsewhere, a longing for the source, and the drunks must set off from the tavern and begin the return. The Qur'an says, "We are all returning" The tavern is a kind of glorious hell that human beings enjoy and suffer and then push off from in their search for truth. The tavern is a dangerous region where sometimes disguises are necessary, but never hide your heart, Rumi urges. Keep open there. A breaking apart, a crying out in the street, begins in the tavern, and the human soul turns to find its way home."

"It's 4 a.m. Nasruddin leaves the tavern and walks the town aimlessly. A policeman stops him. "Why are you out wandering the streets in the middle of the night?" "Sir," replies Nasruddin, "if I knew the answer to that question, I would have been home hours ago."

[Coleman Barks, "The Essential Rumi," p.1.]

Welcome home, my friends in recovery! Let the grapeskin of ego break and the pouring begin! Let the fermentation lead to human transformation!

Spiritual Pride and the Quality, Rather than Quantity, of Faith

"Now let's take the guy full of faith, but still reeking of alcohol. He believes he is devout. His spiritual observance is scrupulous. He's sure that he still believes in God, but suspects that God doesn't believe in him. He takes pledges and more pledges. Following each he not only drinks again, but acts worse than the last time. Valiantly he tries to fight alcohol, imploring God's help, but help doesn't come. What, then, can be the matter?"

"To clergymen, doctors, friends, and families, the alcoholic who means well and tries hard is a heartbreaking riddle. To most A.A.'s he is not. There are too many of us who have been just like him, and have found the answer. This answer has to do with the quality of faith rather than its quantity."

[The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pp. 31-32.]

There are, in fact, many different levels of faith. For simplicity's sake let's look at three different levels or qualities of faith: intellectual faith, emotional faith, and experiential faith. The first, intellectual faith, comes with mere belief. We are raised into a faith and accept it's beliefs as reasonable and perhaps necessary. Or, perhaps, we adopt a faith, unquestioningly and as is. This is a form of blind faith, founded on nothing more than mere intellectual belief and compliance, and it is too easily shaken.

The second, higher level or quality of faith, is that based in the emotions. A devout and deep faith is inspired, and a great emotional impulse is felt as a result. Still, this higher level of faith is also partially blind, albeit blinded by the emotions rather than a merely intellectual belief system.

One can easily have either of these levels of faith and still not have the suffering of alcoholic addiction removed. One can too easily, as noted in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, be "full of faith but still reeking of alcohol." A.A.'s program of recovery, on the other hand, is intended not to invoke merely intellectual faith, inspiration and/or great emotional devotion. Rather, the Twelve Steps are intended to trigger the third, highest level of faith, a faith based on spiritual experience - a faith that is described as "a new state of consciousness and being."

Consider, if you will, the following passage taken from Appendix II of the 'Big Book' (i.e., the Spiritual Experience appendix):

"With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves. Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it "God-consciousness."" (Emphasis added.)

From the above, it should be clear that the curative we seek is not an internal or external belief system, or an elevated emotional state, but rather a broad yet heretofore hidden aspect of our very being, an experience in consciousness that takes us beyond the limited and limiting egoic self to "a new state of consciousness and being" that is co-extensive with God.*

It is far too easy to be fooled by the quantity of our faith rather than its quality, and the danger is that we can too easily be fooled by an egoic sense of spiritual pride, particularly if we come to A.A. (or any of its sister 12 Step organizations) with preformed religious or spiritual beliefs. And just as easily, we can adopt certain religious or spiritual beliefs which are good, in and of themselves, but which fall short of the requisite spiritual experience. The ego is a crafty and challenging foe. Religious prejudice and spiritual pride are often the last, yet highly effective, weapon that the ego wields against us.

Writing about the perils of the spiritual pride which can act as a block to the spiritual aspirant, philosopher Paul Brunton observed that:

"If the ego cannot trap him through his vices it will try to do so through his virtues. When he has made enough progress to warrant it, he will be led cunningly and insensibly into spiritual pride. Too quickly and too mistakenly he will believe himself to be set apart from other men by his attainments. When this belief is strong and sustained, that is, when his malady of conceit calls for a necessary cure, a pit will be dug for him by other men and his own ego will lead him straight into it."

[Psul Brunton, "The Notebooks of Paul Brunton," Vol. I, p. 138.]

All need not be for naught, however. For, as Brunton notes: "Out of the suffering which will follow this downfall, he will have a chance to grow humbler." And, with humility, comes the opportunity for true spiritual experience.

 * * * * * * * * * * * * *

* The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pages 106-107:

"When a man or woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his unaided strength and resources alone He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being."

Alcoholism and Addiction: A Transpersonal View

"(The) craving for alcohol (is) on a low level the thirst of our being for wholeness, expressed in medieval language: union with God."

(Carl Jung to Bill Wilson, letter dated January 30, 1961.)

In the attached must-see video, noted transpersonal psychologist, Christina Grof (author of "The Thirst for Wholeness: Attachment, Addiction, and the Spiritual Path") shares her insights on the spiritual crises underlying alcoholism and addiction, as well as the insights she garnered from her own descent into alcoholism after she had already established herself as a successful psychotherapist and a noted "spiritual teacher".

Ms. Grof's story brings to mind that of the person "full of faith but still reeking of alcohol," and she tackles this issue, as well as issues about powerlessness and those revolving around the personal crises that evolve well into sobriety when repressed or forgotten incidents, often from far into childhood, emerge.

Speaking about the irony that alcohol and other drugs brings about what she calls "a pseudo-mystical experience," and tipping her hat to William James and Bill Wilson, Grof notes that "addicts and alcoholics are seekers," and that "they want to know about the mysteries of God and life, but they make the mistake of looking in the wrong places."

"Unless the spiritual aspect of addiction and alcoholism is addressed," she notes, "the quality of recovery is really limited."

Spiritual Conceit and Prejudice: From Closed to Open-Mindedness

"Instead of regarding ourselves as intelligent agents, spearheads of God's ever advancing Creation, we agnostics and atheists chose to believe that our human intelligence was the last word, the alpha and omega, the beginning and end of all. Rather vain of us, wasn't it?"

"We, who have traveled this dubious path, beg you to lay aside prejudice, even against organized religion. We have learned that whatever the human frailties of various faiths may be, those faiths have given purpose and direction to life. People of faith have a logical idea of what life is about."

[Alcoholics Anonymous, page 49.]

Religion - from the Latin 're' + 'ligare' - means to retie or reunite, and all of the world's great wisdom traditions lay out methods and practices by which this reunification of the individual with a Power greater than his or her "self" may be accomplished. Thus, there is nothing in the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous that need threaten the religious newcomer. It is more often than not, I suspect, the non-religious or decidedly atheistic newcomer that is threatened by all this talk of a God of one's understanding. I am sure that many, like me, were nearly fatally put off by all mention of a Higher Power.

When I got my first sponsor in A.A., he told me that I had to look beyond the First
Step and its admittance of alcoholism and unmanageability, that I had to look at the Step Two. Being swift on the uptake, I immediately asked him the absolutely wrong question: "What is God?" Of course, at this stage I was not even concerned with God. Step Two merely suggests belief in a power greater than one's "self." I would have been far better served, it turns out, to have asked him what was meant by "self."

As it was, my first sponsor gave me the old fob, by explaining that "God" in his view was "Good Orderly Direction." Don't get me wrong, my first sponsor thus made A.A. "acceptable" to me. But for ten years after his premature death I chased after getting some kind of "good orderly direction" in my thinking, and the two university degrees and professional training I received culminated in a near-fatal suicide and admittance to a psychiatric facility. This is the power that "self" unchecked can have - without picking up a drink.

I was fortunate, indeed, to have an A.A. "old-timer" - not ironically, my first sponsor's best friend - reach out to me and reclaim me from the ash heap of the life I'd burned through. With a new sponsor, one who had drank after 15 years, and at that time had achieved another 15 years of the very best sobriety, I worked through the Twelve Steps again, this time with a truly open mind. With his assistance, and the later assistance of two 35-year A.A. veterans - one who showed me "what" it was I was in need of, and the other who taught me "how" through meditation and prayer I could find it - my eyes were finally opened, and I was able to experience the spiritual awakening others had experienced.

My mind had been closed by "prejudice" towards all things "spiritual" or "religious." While we are told to "be quick to see where religious people are right," I could not get beyond where they were so clearly wrong.* After all, with my education and scientific background, I knew that dinosaurs had existed, and that all the evidence showed the universe to be about 13.8 billion years old. But I was wholly ignorant of the "religious experiences" that have manifested in individuals since time immemorial, nor was I a believer that just such an experience was what restored alcoholics to sanity and emotional sobriety. I did not know anything of higher states of consciousness (other than being an alcoholic and drug addict for 20 years!), nor did I have any notion of the connection that these higher states of consciousness and being have with spirituality, the God of my understanding, or my recovery from alcoholic addiction and final restoration to sanity. But I was set to learn.

"There is a state of mind, known to religious men, but to no others," wrote the great psychologist, William James, "in which the will to assert ourselves and hold our own has been displaced by a willingness to close our mouths and be as nothing in the floods and waterspouts of God. In this state of mind, what we most dreaded has become the habitation of our safety, and the hour of our moral death has turned into our spiritual birthday. The time for tension in our soul is over, and that of  happy relaxation, of calm deep breathing, of an eternal present, with no discordant future to be anxious about, has arrived Fear is not held in abeyance as it is by mere morality, it is positively expunged and washed away."

[Wm. James, "The Varieties of Religious Experience," page 47.]

An eternal present. Who would have thought?

Of course, many had. Marcus Aurelius, the great Roman Emperor more famous for his Meditations than his victories on the Teutonic battlefield, pointed out that "all we have to live or lose, is this ever-passing present moment."

Could it be, I wondered, that what science, psychology and religion all point to is a spirituality of the present moment, and that consciousness itself, is an integral (or, perhaps, the integral) component of the universe? Could we be, in fact, as Bill describes above, "spearheads of God's ever advancing Creation?" It sure seems, I found out, that we are.

"At bottom," James observes, "the whole concern of both morality and religion is with the manner of our acceptance of the universe. Do we accept it only in part and grudgingly, or heartily and altogether?"

Could I discerningly accept as true whatever science provided evidence for, yet remain unswayed by the "religious" or "spiritual experiences" - including eventually my own - reported by men and women throughout the ages?

"It makes a tremendous emotional and practical difference to one," James points out, "whether one accept the universe in the drab discolored way of stoic resignation to necessity, or with the passionate happiness of Christian saints. The difference is as great as that between passivity and activity, as that between the defensive and the aggressive mood."

"Gradual as are the steps by which an individual may grow from one state into the other, many as are the intermediate stages which different individuals represent, yet when you place the typical extremes beside each other for comparison, you feel that two discontinuous psychological universes confront you, and that in passing from one to the other a 'critical point' had been overcome."

[Wm. James, "The Varieties of Religious Experience," pp. 42-43.]

 For me, it took a crisis in life to get sober. Being close-minded, however, it took a greater crisis deep into my sober life for me to reach the 'critical point' that James referred to before I was restored ('somewhat') to sanity. When sharing my experience, I emphasize the need to set aside prejudices and develop an open mind - the sooner, the better - and to question what concepts such as "self," "sanity" "consciousness" and "a Power greater than ourselves" mean.

"Seek until you find," I was advised by one of my old-timers, "and study all religions until you can see the sameness in them all." Or, as Bill advises in the 'Big Book," "(b)e quick to see where religious people are right."*

* Alcoholics Anonymous, page 87.