Perils, Pitfalls & Promise of the "Twelve & Twelve"

A.A. Co-Founder, Bill W.

In a letter dated October 5, 1953, A.A. co-founder and author, Bill W., wrote of the expectations he had for the newly-penned 'Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions'. "At first," he observed, "I was dubious whether anyone would care for it, save oldtimers who had begun to run into life's lumps in areas other than alcohol. But apparently, the book is being used to good effect even upon newcomers." ('Pass It On', at page 356.)

Of course, many in A.A. nowadays hold fast to the notion that the Twelve and Twelve is ruinous to A.A., and/or that its use, particularly its exclusive use, with newcomers is perilous to their prospects of attaining and maintaining sobriety. To my mind, and in my experience, such A.A. "fundamentalists" or "Big Book Thumpers" are right . . . but only partially right. Along with the perils and pitfalls that the Twelve and Twelve can present to overly-reliant newcomers, the book holds great promise and practical spiritual wisdom for the more seasoned alcoholic addict in recovery when he or she is presented with life's inevitable challenges.

In words that have quite literally saved the lives of millions of alcoholic addicts, and in a manner that the reader can use to see if he or she is alcoholic, the 'Big Book' ('Alcoholics Anonymous') clearly sets out the physical and mental aspects of the disease, a spiritual solution to this primarily mental illness, and a process of steps that can (and are) used to effect a spiritual solution to the malady. I know of few, if any, members with long-term sobriety that would start a newcomer off without going through the 'Big Book.' The methodology for working through the 12 Steps is invaluable, particularly the concise directions for getting through Steps 4 through Step Nine (a.s.a.p.) and, thereby, initiating a process of spiritual awakening that promises to arrest and alleviate the effects of the disease. Likewise, I know few (if any) old-timers who do not, or have not, benefited from what is laid out in the Twelve and Twelve.

My experiences with the 'Big Book' and the 'Twelve and Twelve' over several decades have been decidedly mixed, as I suspect the experience of many others probably have been.

In my case, by happenstance and misleading advertising, the first group I joined was a Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions group. (It was announced that February was "membership month" and that the group still had several "openings" which were available. Knowing nothing of A.A. - or recovery, for that matter - and being but a few weeks sober, I thought I had better grab one of those openings before I was shut out.) I stayed with that group, maintaining my sobriety without relapse, for over five years, until I left to help start up another group and, shortly thereafter, to move to another city. In that time, week after week, we would go through the Steps, one after another in relentless fashion.  I remember nothing of what I shared, and now shudderingly marvel that there was anything of value I could have shared!

I learned but little about the true nature of my disease, but much about how to stay sober in that time. Additionally, I read the 'Big Book' cover to cover, as suggested, but little sank in, due not to the message in the book but to the prejudice and contempt I had for all things spiritual or, somehow, 'Godly.' (Not that I wouldn't participate in the Serenity Prayer, Lord's Prayer etc., and not that I didn't read my daily meditations from the 'Twenty Four Hours a Day' book, or 'Daily Reflections' when it came out. I would grudgingly do the little I was told to do, but only that much!)

During that time I was, however, taken through the Steps both by my sponsor and then by a relative "oldtimer" within my group utilizing the 'Big Book.' I listed my resentments and fears, inventoried my sex conduct, made the list, made amends etc., and it was beneficial - to me, my family, and my employer, etc. - yet I failed to grasp the key understanding that my life in sobriety had become and continued to be "unmanageable." (See page 61.) Thus, I was handicapped from the start in my ability to "enlarge" my spiritual being.

Sobering up at age 28 in the late-Eighties, I was one of the younger members of A.A. in my area. I therefore took much false solace in the Twelve and Twelve's description of the younger "alcoholics who still had their health, their families, (and) their jobs," etc. I was mightily relieved to read that I had been "spared that last ten or fifteen years of literal hell (other A.A.s) had gone through." (Little did I know, or suspect, that years of "figurative hell" were to come.) Reading through the rest of that paragraph in the Twelve and Twelve's first chapter, I utterly failed to grasp the meaning or importance of the following question:

"Since Step One requires an admission that our lives have become unmanageable, how could such people as these take this Step?

That is a great question, indeed. For my part, and to myself alone, I saw Step One as: "Admitting that I was powerless over alcohol (and other drugs) and that my life had (potentially) become unmanageable (if I ever drank or drugged again)." Keeping all the parts in brackets to myself, I marched on in sobriety, determined to get "Good Orderly Direction" in my life. For the next five years, I relied on my Twelve and Twelve meeting, my sponsor, and thereafter on the fellowship of AA to stay sober. (This worked for me to the limited extent that I stayed straight, but I adamantly warn off others who would try it this way. I've seen too many fatalities via this route.)

Just shy of 10 years sobriety, having completed a university education and graduate school, with a wife now sober, and with two small girls - one of them named for my first sponsor - I started a job as a newly-minted professional in a new city. The days and weeks were very long, life seemed manageable, and I made a conscious decision to stop attending A.A. in order to spend what little time was left over with my wife and kids.

Little did I know that the five years after that fateful decision would be an at-first slow descent into madness, a madness in which I finally lost marriage, family, career, house and my mind. Just as the oldtimers had warned me, all those things that I had put in front of my sobriety I had lost. Beaten by life and this disease, obsessing over escape from a painful and seemingly hopeless life via the bottle, I was brought back to A.A. and to a wise and loving sponsor who took me back through the Steps. The 'Big Book' was read and explained to me. Re-doing the Steps with a new understanding, I experienced the spiritual release that is available through our program of action. My mind was opened, and with the help of several spiritual mentors, day-by-day I began - with several epiphanies along the way - to grow spiritually.

Interestingly, not only had the import and significance of the 'Big Book' - its application to my life and circumstances - soared, but the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions had also become inextricably important to my growth in spirit and consciousness. With fifteen years clean and sober - most of it being "stark, raving sobriety" - I had become one of those whom Bill so mildly puts it "had begun to run into life's lumps in areas other than alcohol."

There are, indeed, perils and pitfalls along the way if one ignores the 'Big Book' in favour, grudgingly, of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, as I did. Some seem to avoid the mistakes that are so often made. I did not. But having survived these perils and pitfalls, I know that the Twelve and Twelve, holds much promise for further growth, written as it is for those who have already completed the 12 Steps as outlined in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous.

My closest spiritual mentor, a profoundly dedicated man with 35 years of sobriety at the time, often stressed that having taken the Steps and having recovered from the hopeless state of alcoholism - wet or dry - it is imperative that one incorporates Step Three, Step Seven and Step Eleven into one's daily life; relying on Step Ten where we screw up, and utilizing Step Twelve in carrying the message where we can. It is here, and in this process, that the experience of Bill's years of sobriety, as set out in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, becomes so important. Indeed, I find it is needlessly hard, if not impossible, to practice these Steps without the various spiritual nuggets of wisdom he shares there.

Consider, as examples, the following passages from the essays on Steps Three, Seven and Eleven:

• "Our whole problem had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door."
  
  "Once we have come into agreement with these ideas, it is really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done."" (Step Three, pp. 40-41. Emphasis added.)

• "For us, the process of gaining a new perspective was unbelievably painful. . . . It was only at the end of a long road, marked by successive defeats and humiliations, and the final crushing of our self-sufficiency, that we began to feel humility as something more than a condition of grovelling despair. . . . The admission of powerlessness over alcohol . . . is but the barest beginning. To get completely away from our aversion to the idea of being humble, to gain a vision of humility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit, to be willing to work for humility as some thing to be desired for itself, takes most of us a long, long time."
  
  "We saw that we needn't always be bludgeoned and beaten into humility. It could come quite as much from our voluntary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering. A great turning point in our lives came when we sought for humility as something we really wanted, rather than as something we must have. It marked the time when we could see the full implication of Step Seven: "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."" (Step Seven, pp. 72-73, 75.)

• "There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation and prayer. Taken separately, these practices bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakeable foundation for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse of that ultimate reality which is God's Kingdom." (Step Eleven, p. 98.)

 As it says in 'Pass It On' (at page 352):

"If (the) 'Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions' is a small volume in terms of length, it is large in its depth and content. Whereas the Big Book, written in 1938, radiates Bill's joy and gratitude at having finally found a way to stay sober, the 'Twelve and Twelve' reflects an entirely different mood. In 1951 and 1952, when Bill wrote the second book, he was suffering almost constant depression and was forced to confront the emotional and spiritual demons that remain "stranded" in the alcoholic psyche when the high tide of active alcoholism recedes. The 'Twelve and Twelve' provides a highly practical and profoundly spiritual prescription to exercise those demons."

Thus, in my experience there are indeed grave perils and deep pitfalls that can be (as they were for me) life-threatening if one overly (or solely) relies on the Twelve and Twelve without reference and reliance on the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous. That being said, there is great promise to alleviate the residual suffering of "the alcoholic psyche" after, but not before, "the high tide of active alcoholism recedes."

The spiritual path that is so meticulously laid out and explained in the two volumes, if walked day-by-day, promises us a new perspective on life and what it means to be sober, indeed it offers us "a gift that amounts to a new state of consciousness and being." (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 107.)

It is exceedingly difficult and painful, in my experience, to sober up and remain sober without a firm foundation in the 'Big Book.' It is equally difficult and even more painful, I have found, to remain mentally and emotionally sober without a firm foundation in the Twelve and Twelve.

Reflections on A.A.'s Early History: The Cental Role of Meditation

In a 1958 lecture delivered to the New York City Medical Society on Alcoholism (contained in the "Three Talks to Medical Societies" pamphlet) Bill W. described the fateful evening when Ebby T. came to visit him in his home. Surprisingly, Ebby was sober. And, as if that wasn't bad enough from Bill's point of view, Ebby had "got religion." Nevertheless, Bill heard Ebby out, and afterwards, as Bill describes it, "(t)he spark that was to become Alcoholics Anonymous had been struck."

Here, in Bill's words, is a summary of what ensued that evening:

". . . (H)e told me of his conversations with (Rowland H.), and how hopeless alcoholism really was, according to Dr. Carl Jung. Added to Dr. Silkworth's verdict, this was the worst possible news. I was hard hit. Next Ebby enumerated the principles he had learned from the Oxford Group. Though he thought these good people were sometimes too aggressive, he certainly couldn't find any fault with most of their basic teachings. After all, these teachings had sobered him up."

"In substance, here they are, as my friend applied them to himself in 1934:

      1.  Ebby admitted that he was powerless to manage his own life.
      2.  He became honest with himself as never before; made an "examination of conscience.
      3.  He made a rigorous confession of his personal defects and thus quit living alone with his problems.
      4.  He surveyed his distorted relations with other people, visiting them to make what amends he could.
      5.  He resolved to devote himself to helping others in need, without the usual demand for personal prestige or material gain.
      6.  By meditation, he sought God's direction for his life and the help to practice these principles of conduct at all times.

"This sounded pretty naive to me," Bill recalls, "(n)evertheless, my friend stuck to the plain tale of what had happened. He related how, practicing these simple precepts, his drinking had unaccountably stopped. Fear and isolation had left, and he had received a considerable peace of mind. With no hard disciplines nor any great resolves, these changes began to appear the moment he conformed. His release from alcohol seemed to be a byproduct. Though sober but months, he felt sure he had a basic answer. Wisely avoiding arguments, he then left."

"The spark that was to become Alcoholics Anonymous had been struck," Bill points out. "One alcoholic had been talking to another, making a deep identification with me and bringing the principles of recovery within my reach."

Carl Jung: Click here to read
Jung's letter to Bill W.

Reading this account, I am struck by two seemingly separate but interrelated points: (1) the emphasis that is put upon Carl Jung's conclusions about alcoholism, and (2) the emphasis that is put on meditation for seeking God's direction for life. Indeed, prayer is not mentioned at all.

Jung's conclusions on alcoholism are set out on pages 26-27 of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, and indicate (a) that sometimes alcoholics have had"vital spiritual experiences" sufficient to relieve their alcoholism, (b) that such experiences seem to be "in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements, and (c) that "(i)deas, emotions and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motivations begin to dominate them."

These conclusions are related to Ebby's sixth point, that he and the original Oxford Groupers utilized meditation to ascertain how they should implement their spiritual principles into their conduct at all time. Meditation, it seems, is the process by which we raise our minds to a higher level which is devoid of our old thoughts and ways of thinking. Thus, old ideas, emotions and attitudes are, indeed, "cast to one side."

Ebby T. with Bill W.

In a subsequent biography ("Ebby: The Man Who Sponsored Bill W."), Ebby describes how he and Rowland H. practiced the Oxford Group principles, including daily meditation.

"Rowland gave me a great many things that were of a great value to me later on," Ebby recalls. "He had a thorough indoctrination and he passed as much of this on to me as he could. When we took trips together we would get up early in the morning, and before we even had any coffee, we would sit down and try to rid ourselves of any thoughts of the material world and see if we couldn't find out the best plans for our lives for that day and to follow whatever guidance came to us."

Ebby's observations about the centrality and importance of meditation are reflected in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous (at pages 86-87), where we read:

"On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin (however), we ask God to direct our thinking,  especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. . . . In thinking about our day ahead we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while."

 And the result of such a meditative practice?  "What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration," we read, "gradually becomes a working part of the mind." Thus, if we are to experience the wholesale change in our "ideas, emotions and attitudes" that marks a spiritual awakening and thus relieves us from our alcoholism, the practice of effecting a conscious contact with God through daily meditation is absolutely crucial.

Supplicatory prayer which affirms and invokes God's help, while important, is a lesser form of a direct and conscious contact with a Higher Power. Meditation is the process by which we effect and improve such conscious contact, while contemplation - the highest form of prayer - is going out from meditation into the world, while maintaining our conscious contact with God so that we may truly practice A.A.'s principles in all our affairs.

All three types of prayer, but particularly meditation, were emphasized in early A.A., and  all three continue to be applicable and essential today if we are to effect, attain and maintain a vital spiritual experience of God in this world.

Surrender Part I: Surrendering Old Ideas

"Some of us have tried to hold onto our 
  old ideas and the result was nil until
  we let go absolutely." ('Big Book' p. 58)

Recovery from alcoholic addiction begins with surrender - letting go of the bottle and our old ideas of how we should live our lives, admitting that we are powerless over our addiction, and that life on the grand scale (and in the minutest detail) is, in fact, inherently unmanageable. Thus, it is no coincidence that the very first concept that Bill W. discusses in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions is that of surrender. "Who," he asks, "cares to admit complete defeat?."

We are told in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous (at page 84) that we have "ceased fighting everyone and everything - even alcohol." But is that true for us? The "fight or flight" response is perhaps a human's deepest instinctive drive, and is far more basic than even his or her sexual instincts. It represents survival or 'being' itself.

In the "How it Works" passage that is used to open so many meetings, we hear time and again that "some of us . . . tried to hold onto our old ideas," in fact, "and the result was nil until we let go (of those old ideas) absolutely." Nil, nada, nothing! Nothing changes until we become willing to try and let go of old ideas - all of them - without reservation, and that is a tall order.

But nobody said that complete surrender would be easy, nor did anyone say that we would ever be rid of our old thoughts and thought patterns completely. Rather, we try and rid ourselves of the old ideas and thought patterns instead of holding on to them.

Our "ambition," which is discussed in the closing paragraphs of Step 12 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, is to attain and maintain a conscious contact with the God of our own understanding in order that the "(i)deas, emotions and attitudes" which were once the "guiding forces" of our lives can be "cast aside" in favour of "new motivations and conceptions." ('Big Book,' page 27.) To establish such a 'conscious' contact we must clear our mind of that which already fills our 'consciousness,' i.e., our "old ideas."

But just how do we surrender our old ideas? In order to "practice" Step Three, as it is set out in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, we are told that in all times of emotional disturbance and indecision, we can simply "pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness" recite and contemplate the words of the Serenity Prayer. Yet, while this is critical for times of great turmoil and challenges, how do we practice letting go of old ideas in the mundane moment-to-moment affairs of our daily lives? This is a more subtle question, yet the answer may, in fact, be more crucial for our attaining true peace of mind and the sanity necessary to establish and maintain permanent sobriety and a contented, purposeful life.

In their subtler aspects, Steps One through Step Three are all about responding to life on a different plane of thought than we are used to rather than reacting to life as it is thrown at us. To do this, we need to develop the capacity (through AA's process of interwoven "self-examination, meditation and prayer") to refrain from all actions, at least for a moment, in order to realize that the thoughts coursing through our minds are not 'who' we really are, and that they are definitely not our allies in trying to bend life to how we think we want it to go.

We need to surrender to the facts (i) that  life is inherently unmanageable by any one individual, (ii) that it evolves quite well enough without our grasping for control over it,  and (iii) that we are not our thoughts themselves, but rather the quiet, simple observer of those thoughts. If one is able to surrender one's thoughts and his or her identification with them, one then becomes capable of making peace with both the world,  and with one's true 'Self' which lies beyond the false duality which is mentally manufactured by the small 'self' of the human ego.

REMEMBER: We are not here to bend the world to our own narrow will. Rather we must demonstrate a deep and abiding faith in the infallible rightness of the course of events.

Is it Really JUST the 'Big Book' We Need?

One trend I do not remember from when I sobered up 20-odd years ago was the fanaticism over the idea - or the very idea itself - that the 'Big Book' of Alcoholism Anonymous is the "only" text that should be used in sobering up, or in taking a newcomer through the 12 Steps. It seems to me that this somewhat militant stance - directed particularly towards the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in my local area in Southern Ontario, Canada - is at once intellectually dishonest, close-minded, and demonstrates an unwillingness to grow beyond the initial working of the Steps as outlined in the 'Big Book,' which is, admittedly, our "basic text."

Without the Twelve Steps and Twelve Tradition, we would not have the all-important Serenity Prayer, nor would we have the 11th Step Prayer. Additionally, the lessons on daily living drawn from essays on how to "practice" Steps 3, 6, 7, and 11 are vital tools in our "spiritual tool-kit."

This does not mean that I don't take sponsees through the Steps as outlined in the 'Big Book,' or don't strongly recommend to other sponsors that this is what they should do, but I (and many, many others) have found the  Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions to be absolutely essential in attaining, maintaining and improving a conscious contact with the God of our understanding - particularly in tough times.

In times of great emotional stress, sometimes the only thing I have to rely on is the Serenity Prayer. In the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, "taking" Step Three is simply described as reciting - some insist on one's knees - the Third Step prayer set out on page 63. Yet, while one snippet from the Third Step Prayer ("relieve me of the bondage of self") is perhaps my most frequent prayer, having once recited that prayer is not sufficient to practice Step 3 months, or years, later. And this is particularly so in times of grave emotional distress. At such times, even having recited the Third Step Prayer in the morning may not suffice.

This is why Bill W. concludes his essay on "practicing" the Third Step in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions by recommending that we take the following actions in the times of great difficulties we are bound to face:

'In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done."'

 Just as we do not "pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness" pray just once; neither is what "separates the men from the boys" (according to Bill's "spiritual sponsor," Father Ed Dowling"), the hour we spend at home after sharing our Fifth Step reviewing our progress so far and seeing if we've scrimped anywhere, as Step Six is outlined in the 'Big Book.'

We need to consistently and logically interrelate and weave together the continual process of "self-examination, meditation and prayer" if we are to have "an unshakeable foundation," as it says in Step 11 of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. To do this, the more help the better I say; and it is likely this attitude that prompted A.A.'s commissioning Bill to write down in essay form his thoughts and experiences with the Steps and Traditions in the first place.

We cannot have too much insight into the nature of, and spiritual solution to, our basic problem - ego-centricity - and there are any number of valuable references outside of the 'Big Book' that are of assistance to the newcomer and old-timer alike.

Indeed, in the "Co-Founders of Alcoholics Anonymous" pamphlet, Dr. Bob states quite plainly that he 'cultivated' the habit of reading an average of one hour a day from a variety of sources over the 15 years of his sobriety. (The key concept here being the variety of sources, rather than the amount of time spent reading.)

In its group consciouness, Alcoholics Anonymous saw fit to publish nine separate books and a wide variety of pamphlets, as well as setting up the "Grapevine" and The AA Grapevine Inc., to publish what the General Service Conference recognized as "the international journal of Alcoholics Anonymous," and a treasure trove of other material helpful to the recovering alcoholic addict.

To say that we should narrowly restrict our study to just the 'Big Book' and to shun at all costs the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions is precisely the attitude that Doctor Bob warned of in his last major talk (published in the "Co-founders" pamphlet), when he observed:

"We are all inclined to have pretty closed minds, pretty tightly closed. That's one reason why some people find our spiritual teaching difficult. They don't want to find out too much about it, for various personal reasons . . . "