Overcoming Our Fears and Desires

"Since most of us are born with an abundance of natural desires, it isn't strange that we often let these far exceed their intended purposes. When they drive us blindly, or we willfully demand that they supply us with more satisfactions or pleasures than are possible or due us, that is the point at which we depart from the degree of perfection that God wishes for us here on earth. That is the measure of our character defects, or, if you wish, of our sins."

-- The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 65 --

Fear, we read at Step Seven in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, is the "chief activator" of our defects of character. But what, we should ask, is the root of this self-centered fear? In Step Six, above, Bill W. suggests that the root cause of fear is desire - in this instance, otherwise natural desires that far exceed their natural bounds. Such overblown desires, he notes, are "the measure" of our character defects. That is, our blind desires create the mental room for our character defects to manifest and operate.

This is unsurprising, for if we look at the resentments list in our Step Four inventory we will see again and again that the action of others had impinged on our desires - our desires for security, for sex relationships, for personal relationships etc. These are (as Bill notes) natural desires; however, to the extent that we demand more security, more personal relationships, and more sex "than is possible or due to us," we create a fear that we will never have enough - enough security, enough money, enough friends, enough sex etc., etc., etc.

And just to the extent that these overblown desires manifest in fear, will we act act self-centeredly in response to them, trying vainly to satisfy and fulfill desires that are in all reality unquenchable. Chasing these desires we are, thus, stuck in a rut of our own making. "Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands," we read, "we are in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing those demands." (Twelve and Twelve, page 76.)

How then do we go about reducing these demands? The answer it seems is, not surprisingly, right in the Steps. If we continue to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, we will experience a freedom from these desires gone wild.

Not convinced? Consider for a moment the propositions and promises we read concerning Step Three in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous (at pp. 62-63):

"(W)e decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal, we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom."

"When we sincerely took this position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow, and the hereafter. We were reborn." (Emphasis added.)

To the degree that we seek and perform God's will for us, rather than relying on our own narrow selves, life itself will provide what we need, but not necessarily what we want. Our choice then, is whether we rely on self-will or God's will. If we rely on God's will, not only will we find that we have what we "need," we are also promised that we will "lose our fear of today, tomorrow and the hereafter."

Thus, conscious faith in the efficacy of "a Power greater than ourselves" to provide what we need is the solution that removes the desires that underlie our fears. Thus in relying on the God of our understanding rather than our self-centered thinking, we are released from the cycle of fear and desire that activates our character defects. We are then, in effect, "reborn."

Love and the Eleventh Step Prayer

"Be the captive of Love in order that you may be truly free - free from coldness and the worship of self. Thousands have passed who were wise and learned but who were strangers to Love. No name is left of them, nothing to proclaim their fame and dignity or to relate their history in the march of time. Although you may attempt to do a hundred things in this world, only Love will give you release from the bondage of yourself."

-- Jami --
("Essential Sufism," p. 115.)

 "When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade," we read in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous (at page 53), "we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?"

If we truly wish to be relieved of the "bondage of self," we must humbly take the position that God is, indeed, everything - that everything we perceive proceeds from, is, and is of, God. This position of non-duality allows us to truly embrace Step Three. We can be assured that our lives (and the world) are all part of a Unitive Whole that mystics, teachers and sages from all the world's great wisdom traditions have identified with a Power greater than themselves.

The great teacher of mystical Islam, the Sufi poet Jami, (above), like the Scriptures, equates this Higher Power with 'Love.' Thus, it is no mere coincidence that in our Eleventh Step Prayer (i.e., the Prayer of Saint Francis, a man profoundly influenced by Sufi teachings) we pray: "Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted - to understand, than to be understood - to love, than to be loved."

Simple on its face, this aspiration is profound in its implications. It is an appeal to have our narrow self-consciousness lifted to an entire new plane - that of a transcendental Love, without conditions or even objects. "For," we affirm, "it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by dying (to self, or the ego) that one awakens to Eternal Life."

To love, in the sense meant by Jami, St. Francis, and so many other saints, sages and spiritual teachers, is to truly turn one's will and one's life over to the power of God as we understand Him, to die to self and awaken to the Eternal Self that is the core of our inner existence, to die before dying.

Am I truly ready to take this greatest leap of faith, to truly put aside once and for all reliance on my own narrow self-will? This, it seems, is the central question of recovery, recovery from all of our addictions and from our obsessive, self-centered, lower consciousness.

Trusting Infinite God vs. Our Finite Selves

"Courage is the first requirement of spirituality. A coward can never be moral."

-- Mahatma Gandhi --

In the discussion on the Fourth Step in the 'Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, we read (at page 68) the following passage on self-reliance, self-confidence, fear and faith in God:

"Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse."

"Perhaps there is a better way - we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would haves us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enables us to match calamity with serenity."

The ego, "self" in its many manifestations (such as self-reliance, self-confidence, self-centeredness, even self-esteem ), is the root of the alcoholic addict's problem. The raw fuel that feeds the ego are our fears that can never be allayed and our desires that can never be quenched. Thus, to move beyond the limited "self" of the ego, we must move toward the unlimited "Self" of God. It is essential, therefore, that we establish and maintain a conscious contact with a Power greater than ourselves so that we may truly "trust infinite God rather than our finite selves."

"(D)eep down in every man, woman, and child," we read in the 'Big Book,' "is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there." In establishing a conscious contact with God, and learning to rely upon Him, God "enables us" to strip away all these coverings and to truly "match calamity with serenity."

Such serenity is the hallmark of our deeper God-consciousness that is utterly devoid of fear and desire. Thus, the simple prayer that has been widely adopted by A.A. (and its sister organizations) is a prayer for serenity, courage and wisdom - all of which are aspects of the higher Self but wholly unavailable to the smaller self of the ego.

In The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (at pages 40-41) we read: "(I)t is really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done."

God is the "serenity" we seek. Asking for "courage" (from the French cour meaning 'heart') is to move from lower, egoic self-consciousnes' to the higher Self of God-consciousness. And "wisdom" is to know that there is within us both the lower self and the Higher Self of God. In affirming and invoking this Power that is greater than ourselves, we move from our reliance on, and our narrow identification with, the ego to a realization of, and a reliance upon, the God of our understanding.

In the end, we find and access this "Great Reality" deep down within our Being. "In the last analysis it is only there that He may be Found." ("Big Book,' page 55.)

Instinct, Logic and the Frustration of Spiritual Development

In his Step Three essay in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Bill W. directly addresses a major stumbling block - perhaps the major stumbling block - which can hamper and stall a newcomer's recovery for months, or even years. At least this was so in my case. The result need not necessarily mean that the forestalled alcoholic addict lapses back into his or her active addiction, however. Just as easily he or she may enter into the netherland of dry sobriety, with cravings gone but with the obsession for alcohol more or less sublimated by all the looming obsessions about how his or her life, as well as how the lives of others should be led.

"Yes, respecting alcohol," Bill has our potential white-knuckler saying, "I guess I have to be dependent upon A.A., but in all other matters I must still maintain my independence." This way of thnking, Bill points out "is the process by which instinct and logic always seek to bolster egotism, and so frustrate spiritual development."

"(T)he moment our mental or emotional dependence is in question," Bill notes, "we (persistently) claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and how we shall act. . . . We are certain that our intelligence, backed by will power, can rightly control our inner lives and guarantee us success in the world we live in."

It is, of course, unsurprising that our white-knuckling alcoholic should think in such terms. After all, is this not how virtually all of us are trained and schooled to think? Recall the children's story, "The Little Engine That Could." In the story, the narrator has the Little Engine chugging up a seemingly insurmountable hill. "I think I can. I think I can," says the Little Engine to himself. Yet in real life, one knows that he would probably be filled with fear and saying to himself, the exact opposite.

We are all taught that intelligence and will-power will prevail if rightly applied. "Be an army of one!," the commercials exhort. "Take a licking and keep on ticking." Be the Energizer Bunny. "Grit your teeth, Charlie Brown! You can do anything if you just grit your teeth!"

Step Three, however, calls for us to take the exact opposite approach. It urges us to become at one with the Tao, so to speak, instead of raging against It.

"So how, exactly," we read, "can the willing person continue to turn his will and his life over to the Higher Power? He made a beginning we have seen, when he commenced to rely upon A.A. for the solution of his alcohol problem. By now, though, the chances are that he has become convinced that he has more problems than alcohol, and that some of these refuse to be solved by all the sheer personal determination and courage he can muster. They simply will not budge; they make him desperately unhappy and threaten his newfound sobriety. . . . Surely he must now depend upon Somebody or Something else."

This, is the exact point at which our white-knuckler might venture to try true reliance upon a Power that is greater than him of herself, taking action based not on is or her own egoic, self-centered consciousness as expressed through instinct and logic - which is the way we are conditioned to make our decisions - but rather to act from a more truly centered and passive God-consciousness that is available to each of us.

"(I)t is really easy to begin the practice of Step Three," we read. "In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.""

This Serenity Prayer has been used effectively by millions to generate an appropriate response to seemingly impossible situations. Its effectiveness, however, will increase exponentially, as we pursue a practice of meditation and quiet contemplation, so that even in the most pressing of circumstances we can find a higher, inner God-consciousness in which we can "pause," seek the "quiet" and find the "stillness" necessary to make this prayer truly effective in all circumstances.

Fortunately, we will later read in Step Seven of The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions that we need not always be bludgeoned by painful circumstances into seeking this state of effective humility. Rather, we will find, that we can access this new-to-us state of consciousness and being by seeking it voluntarily. And, like all skills, the more we endeavour to "seek . . . first the Kingdom of God" the easier we find that it becomes to enter into it.

WIth time, we find that we no longer need stand waist deep in the stream of life, furiously trying to get the water to flow in the other direction. Rather, we find that we can just "go with the flow" with an assurance that whatever the results are we will be able to access our newfound Higher Power in order to help us deal with them, and to deal with them sanely and effectively. For the new-comer and white-knuckler alike, this is the beginning of true recovery.

Alcoholics Anonymous and Psychology: Looking Back at A.A. History

"You see, Alcohol in Latin is "spiritus" and you use the same word for the highest religious experience as well as for the most depraving poison. The helpful formula therefore is: spiritus contra spiritum."

-- Dr. Carl Jung to Bill Wilson --
(Correspondence dated January 30, 1961)

Although it opens by misclassifying Rolland H. as a "founder" of A.A. - Rolland H. maintained lifetime sobriety in the Oxford Group, but never joined A.A. - the attached video is a worthwhile reminder of the initial impetus that Carl Jung gave to the chain of events that would lead to the founding of Alcoholics Anonymous (and, through it, the entire 12 Step movement) in 1935.

Those with a deeper interest in the Jung-Wilson may wish to read further (here). Suffice to say, however, that it was Jung who saw that the craving of the alcoholic addict was, in fact, a spiritual thirst; in his words, "the search of our being for wholeness." It was Bill W., Doctor Bob and the original old-timers, however, who would meld medical, religious, and psychiatric insights into the program that would become A.A.

Dr. Jung's correspondence with Bill W. is published in the Grapevine Publication, "Language of the Heart," or may be viewed (together with a multitude of other helpful and historical articles about A.A.) online at www.barefootsworld.net.

Ego, Humility and Grace

"By this time in all probability we have gained some measure of release from our more devastating handicaps. We enjoy moments in which there is something like real peace of mind. . . .Where humility had formerly stood for a forced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient which can give us serenity."

"This improved perception of humility starts another revolutionary change in our outlook. Our eyes begin to open to the immense values which have come straight out of painful ego-puncturing."

-- The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 74 --

In a very real sense, Step Seven is the completion of the second half of Step One: Having admitted we could not manage our own lives - let alone life itself - and having determined to turn our will and our lives "over to the care of God as we understood him," we now confirm our decision to leave the management of life at that level, rather than vainly resuming the practice of managing life ourselves. This is ego-deflation at depth, and "painful ego-puncturing" at that, as we have been trained all of our lives that we must manage everything - or else!

At first the practice of humility is frightening. "What will become of me if such-and-such happens?" we ask ourselves, only to see in time that things never happen in precisely the way we imagine them and that, in most instances, our fears never materialize. We experience great pain, however, because we - or rather our egoic inner dialogue - assume that they will.

This, process of fear, desire and suffering continues just so long as we identify with the ego and believe whatever it thinks. The moment we realize that we are not the ego - that we are not whatever thought pops into our heads - the suffering stops. Yet it resumes immediately once we lose that awareness. Thus, the practice of Step Seven is repeatedly turning our will and lives over to the care of our Higher Power, and not just in making a decision to do so. In time we will become evermore humble in the truest sense of the word, in that we will be increasingly free of our egoic "self," and each time we experience suffering it will become a sign that we once more need to center ourselves in order to "Let Go, and Let God."

"For us," we read in Step Seven, "this process of gaining a new perspective was unbelievably painful. . . . It was only at the end of a long road, marked by successive defeats and humiliations, and the final crushing of our self-sufficiency, that we began to feel humility as something more than a condition of groveling despair." (Emphasis added.) Fortunately, however, we eventually learn that the requisite degree of humility needed to overcome the ego may "come quite as much from our voluntary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering."

"A great turning point in our lives," we read, "came when we sought for humility as something we really wanted, rather than as something we must have. It marked the time when we could commence to see the full implication of Step Seven: "Humbly asked Him to remove our our shortcomings."" For, in the end, we can only find grace within God, and it is in practicing Step Seven that we are freed from the egoic self and obtain to that level of grace with its ensuing peace of mind.

[The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pages 72 and 74]

Power, Coercion and Acceptance

In yet another paradox, the first half of Step One - the admittance that we are alcoholic - is perhaps the easiest one to take, yet admitting (and acting like one has admitted) that our lives "have become unmanageable" - the second half of Step One - is perhaps the most difficult of all. After all, from our earliest years on, we have been taught by our society and culture that life needs to be managed, and managed well - or else!

The great analogy of the alcoholic as "the actor" who insists on running all of the show, including, lights, scenery, ballet etc., is startlingly apt when we consider it deeply and see that it addresses the second half of Step One explicitly and directly.

"Most people try to live by self-propulsion," we read on page 60 of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous. "Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show, is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If only his arrangements would stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous, even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, be may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.

"What," we are asked, "Usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think that life doesn't treat him will. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit hum. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not a self-seeker even when trying to be kind. Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this life if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all that they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?

"Our actor is self-centered - ego-centric, as people like to call it today." (Emphasis added.)

Bluntly, or perhaps very, very, subtly, almost everyone of us - alcoholic addict and non-alcoholic addict alike -  try in our own ways to manipulate and shape life in order to satisfy our instinctive drives, staunch our fears, and/or quench our fundamentally unquenchable desires. We in A.A. (or any of its many sister organizations) are very fortunate, indeed, in that we learn that life is inherently unmanageable, it is already organized under a far Higher Power that we often cannot or do not see, and that our task is to accept and adapt ourselves to life, rather than trying to bend it to our own narrow self-interests.

That our futile grabs for power to control the fundamentally unmanageable is all-pervasive, and ultimately futile and frustrating is illustrated in the following passages written by the late, great Sufi teacher, Idries Shah:

"Almost all human organizations," Shah notes, "are power organizations."

"Since the receipt and and exercising of power is imagined to be connected with forceful behaviour," he observes, "people cannot any longer identify a power organization. Consequently they do not understand what they are doing and what is happening to them."

"As an example," he points out, "force and influence are contained in the 'emotional blackmail' situation to exactly the same extent as in one where anger or fothrightness are expressed."

"When people in authority have the reputation for being kind and soft-hearted, others assume (quite wrongly) that the pressure exerted by such people is not pressure at all. If someone says: 'You must do this because I would be disappointed if you did not,' he is saying exactly the same as 'Do this because I demand that you do it.'"

"To say that this fact has been observed already is of no importance whatever, because something which has been said or observed and not acted upon is as good as non-existent as a lesson."

"People try to exercise power upon those 'below' them," he notes. "But people upon whom power is supposed to being exercised are, in fact, by frustrating the effect of that power, themselves exercising power."

"Power situations can only exist," Shah observes, "where there is a contract arrived at violently or otherwise, in which people will do things or else things can be made uncomfortable for them. 'Do this or I will make you uncomfortable' is the formula for both types of power: the power exerted by people above on those below, and the power exerted from the people below upon those above."

"Where there is no such contract," he notes, "where one party can do without the other, NO POWER SITUATION CAN EXIST. Neither can it be deemed to exist. But, faced with a situation in which there is no power ingredient, people CONTINUE TO BEHAVE AS IF THEY CAN COERCE OR BE COERCED."

"In doing this," Shah points out, (people) give themselves away. To any observer who is aware of the power phenomenon, they clearly show that they belong to the power structure and want to operate it. They generally become furiously angry when this is pointed out to them.

[Idries Shah,"Knowing How to Know," pp. 79-80.]

At Step Three, we make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him. Yet, how often when we are in a situation where there is no effective power that we can personally exert ("a situation in which there is no power ingredient," to use Shah's terminology) do we act as if there is some personal power we can exert to change things? How many of us lean on the horn to let out our frustrations when stuck in slow traffic? How many seethe inwardly or act rudely when forced to wait at the checkout counter as a clerk checks the price of some item or another? How many of us are judgmental and inwardly self-righteous when they see people doing things that they assure themselves they would never do? Almost all of us, I am sure.

Having nominally accepted our personal powerlessness to manage life, and having done (we assure ourselves) our best to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a Power greater than ourselves, we continue to forget our personal inability to manage life and, in accordance with Khan's analysis, we continue to behave as is we can coerce others to bend to our will, or we ourselves continue to be coerced to bend to the will of others.

Accepting the inherent unmanageability of life, and turning our will and our lives over to the care of the God of our understanding - and leaving it there - are ideals that take both great insight and years of practice to even approach.

Letting Go of Anger and Emotional Disturbances

"It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule? what about "justifiable" anger? If somebody cheats us, aren't we entitled to be mad? Can't we be properly anger with self-righteous folk? For us of A.A. these are dangerous exceptions. We have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it."

-- The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 90 --

Why this "spiritual axiom?" Is it not because anger, and particularly "justified" anger, is inimical to our spiritual health and is always poised to delver us back into "the bondage of self" which lies at the root of our problem?

Each time we are "disturbed" - whether by anger, greed, jealousy lust, or some other emotion - it is a sure sign that we have a Step One problem; that is, we are right in there, again, trying to manage our lives (and the people in our lives) in a futile search for self-satisfaction and ego-gratification. In the famous passage on acceptance (at page 417 of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous), we read that:

"When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place thing or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake." (Emphasis added.)

Notice that in both these passages we are talking of being "disturbed."  Identifying and recognizing when, in fact, we are disturbed is thus the key to dealing with an ever-varying world that is beyond our capacity (or calling) to manage and control. The solution to this Step One problem thus lies in the renewed application of Step Three. When we realize that we are disturbed, we need to act on our decision "to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God" as we understand Him. But how should we act in the face of such disturbances? Fortunately, we have instructions on what to do in such instances.

"(I)t is really easy to being the practice of Step Three," we read. "In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.""

[The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pp. 40-41.]

There is nothing we can "change" in an instant other than our attitude - i.e., the level of our consciousness and thought. Thus, when disturbed we need to immediately move from the egoic resistance to life's circumstances, to higher consciousness and an acceptive, radical non-resistance to what is. ("To argue with 'what is' is insanity," said the philosopher-Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, "yet the thoughtless cannot resist doing so.")

Next, we must have the "courage" - which may only be found beyond the fear-based ego - to make the switch from egocentric to God-centric consciousness. Here, we must "take heart," which is the fundamental meaning of 'courage', a word that comes from the French and Latin word for 'heart' - 'cour.' ("Fearlessness," Gandhi observed, "is the first requirement of spirituality. A coward can never be moral.")

Lastly, we must know "the difference" between what we can and cannot change at the moment we are disturbed. It is, thus, essential that we know there is the small "self" of ego-consciousness, and the higher "Self" of God-consciousness, and that there is a vast different to the thought processes and emotional reactions of both states. For it is only in this latter 'self-less' state that we can "accept that person, place, thing, or situation" which disturbs us "as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."

At Step Three in the 'Big Book' we read:

"This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom."

"When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn."

 Thus, if we ignore the "spiritual axiom" that in all instances of emotional disturbance it is we who are upset, all this falls away, and we are once again assuming sole responsibility to manage and direct a life which will immediately and rapidly spiral out of all control, resulting in emotional outbursts and actions we will later regret and have to make amends for - or it may result in much, much worse.

Worry and Fear vs. Serenity and Acceptance

"(A)cceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes."

[Alcoholics Anonymous, page 417.]

The opposite of acceptance is, of course, defiance - and we are told that defiance is "an outstanding trait of the alcoholic" - but the product of acceptance is serenity. It's opposite is calamity and fear, and the effect of egoic, calamitous thinking is to obscure the Ground of our Being and thus prevent us from establishing a conscious contact with the God of our understanding. But how do we practice this seemingly radical acceptance of every person, place, thing or situation in our life?

A starting place for acceptance, and thus serenity, is in the practice of Step Three. "In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision," we read in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, "we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done."

[The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 41.]

Why does this simple prayer seem to work so effectively? First and foremost, it seems to work because the fear, worry and anxiety - all emotions that are symptomatic of our being lost once again "in the bondage of self" - are, practically speaking, useless in addressing whatever 'problem' we are facing. It is a spiritual truism, as Einstein once famously remarked, that we cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that got us there in the first place.

Consider the following objective schematic of our thinking process:

"Serenity" is the fruit of a conscious contact with a Power greater than "self," greater than our conditioned way of egoic thinking which is rooted in fear and desire. In stopping, pausing and asking for quiet, we release ourselves from the bondage of self and attain to the higher state of consciousness and being (some call it God-consciousness) that always lies just beneath the ego. God thus grants us "the serenity to accept the things (we) cannot change." If, as the diagram shows, we have a problem in our life, and we cannot do something about it, then we should not worry about it.

Next we ask for the "courage to change the things (we) can." The word "courage" comes from the French and Latin "cour" meaning "heart." "Heart" is of course a metaphor for the higher consciousness that is obscured but attainable by all people. Thus, the first and most important thing that we can change, is the level of our thinking, raising it from the egoic plane of "self" to the holisitc plane of Higher Being. If we have a problem, and we can do something about it, raising our consciousness to this holistic state of consciousness and being is the first thing we need to do. Having done so, as the diagram illustrates, why worry?

"A double-minded man is unstable
in all his ways. "       (James 1:8)

Lastly we ask "to know the difference." This means not only knowing the difference between what we can and cannot change, but more importantly knowing that there are at least two different levels of consciousness with which we can utilize in addressing any 'problem' - the egoic consciousness of our smaller "self" based in unfathomable fear and unquenchable desire, and the higher consciousness of "Self" in which a conscious contact with God, Wholeness, Pure Being and the Unity of the universe is available. In the latter, problems do not exist, because we can clearly see that the worry, fear and anxiety of the ego (as the diagram illustrates) do nothing but rob us of the serenity we need to live a truly spiritual life. In the latter, life suddenly becomes non-problematic, no matter what it is we seem to face, even death.

Acceptance of this duality, through the spiritual practice we have put in so that we can effect a conscious contact with the God of our own understanding, is thus, the fruit of a spiritual life and the essence of true emotional sobriety.

Step Three: "As a Man Thinketh"

"The aphorism, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he," not only embraces the whole of a man's being, but is so comprehensive as to reach out to every condition and circumstance of his life. A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts."

  -- James Allen --    
("As A Man Thinketh")

In the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, we read that its principal author, Bill W., was to "test" his thinking against "God-consciousness," a new state of consciousness and being which is described in the "Spiritual Experience appendix to the 'Big Book' as "an unsuspected inner resource." For, it is only in this higher, deeper (and quieter) consciousness that we are free of the ego's inner dialogue. This, is the essence of turning one's will and one's life over to the care of one's Higher Power.

"I was to test my thinking by the new God-consciousness within," we read. "Common sense would thus become uncommon sense. I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure."

[Alcoholics Anonymous, page 13.]

This notion of sitting quietly "when in doubt" as to what it is one should say or do (or what one should refrain from saying or doing) is, of course, the very method that is recommended to "practice" Step Three in one's life. And it is how, through the practice of meditation (as well as prayer) that we seek to "improve our conscious contact" with the God of our understanding.

"It is when we try to make our will conform with God's that we begin to use it rightly," we read in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. "To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door."

"Once we have come into agreement with these ideas it is really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done."

[The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pp. 40-41.]

The essence of a spiritual awakening, as Carl Jung describes it on page 27 of the 'Big Book,' is that "ideas, emotions and attitudes" that were the guiding forces of one's life are "cast aside" in favor of "new conceptions and motives." It is through the practice of  sitting quietly in meditation that we begin to "uncover, discover and discard" (in the words of the inimitable Chuck c.) the thoughts ("ideas"), feelings ("emotions") and thought patterns ("attitudes") that separate us from God-consciousness. It is by stopping and seeking God-consciousness in the midst of indecision and emotional disturbance that we hone our character and begin ridding ourselves of our character defects.

One of the books used by Doctor Bob, Bill W. and other early members of A.A. was the slim volume, "As a Man Thinketh" by the English "New Thought" writer, James Allen. In it, he observes:

"Man is made or unmade by himself. In the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself. He also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace. By the right choice and true application of thought, man ascends to the divine perfection. By the abuse and wrong application of thought he descends below the level of the beast. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master."

(A copy of "As a Man Thinketh" is available, here.)

Through the consistent and continual practice of self examination, meditation and prayer, we become aware of what our thoughts are, and what emotions those thoughts spark. We also become attuned to the habitual way that we think - usually an uncomfortable realization for a newcomer to meditation. By recurrence to the state of God-consciousness, where the raucous voice of the ego is momentarily stilled, we can (as Allen notes) through "right choice and true application of thought" begin the ascent towards "divine perfection." Or, by acting indecisively and in the throes of emotional disturbance, we can again descend into, and reinforce, our egoic way of thinking and acting.

The 12 Steps are designed to help us make that choice and identification. They deliver us, as earnest application of Step Three and the Serenity Prayer will prove, "the serenity" of God-consciousness, if we have "the courage" to go beyond the ego, and we have "the wisdom" to differentiate the raucous voice of the small "self" from the peaceful and quiet consciousness of the higher "Self," or God.

Ego, Fear and the Smaller "Self"

"More than most people," we read, "the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it."

[Alcoholics Anonymous, page 75.]

"A double-minded man is unstable in
all his ways." (James: 1-8)

It is to be free of this duplicity - the double-mindedness of the "self" and our higher, God-consciousness - that we take Steps Five through Step Nine; sharing, perhaps for the first time ever, what we did when under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol, and more significantly, what we did when stone cold sober. For it is in sharing these matters, examining our role in them, forgiving others and making amends to them where possible for the harm we have done, that we become able to live in our true nature, rather than in the fear-based false identity of the ego, or smaller "self."

Of course, this is not the first reference to the alcoholic as actor. The more recognizable description of the alcoholic as actor follows immediately after the "How It Works" reading that many groups use to open their meetings. Noting that "most people try to live by self-propulsion," we read:

"Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show, is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put. If only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits."

"What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. what is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well?"

[Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 61. Emphasis added.]

 This delusion - that happiness and satisfaction may be attained by successful self-management - is the crux of the second part of Step One, and it lies on the cusp of Step Two and Step Three. Life, even the life of the individual, is inherently unmanageable. The individual is a part of a much greater whole, although this is not readily apparent to the egoic consciousness of the individual. Thus, in the throes of self-consciousness, we mistakenly feel compelled by fear to try and manage life's circumstances so that it comes out in a way we can accept and tolerate.

The trouble is, that such efforts very, very seldom work out to our satisfaction. Life itself, has far larger rhythms than the individual stuck in narrow self-consciousness can either see or admit. Knowing that we are extremely prone to jump in and manage life, despite its inherent unmanageability - which, of course, is the height of grandiose insanity - we can, if we so choose, decide to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a Power greater than our ordinary fear-ridden, egoic selves. In doing so, we begin to experience a working faith and the peace that comes from the acceptance of a Power greater than ourselves which is already a present and organizing fact in our lives and the life of the cosmos itself.

Such faith is not ordinarily available to the unaided self, because our egoic self-consciousness is merely a fabrication of unresolvable fears and unquenchable desires. We must therefore work to let go of our smaller "selves" and the fears that are rampant in them. For, as Mahatma Gandhi once remarked: "Fearlessness is the first requirement of spirituality. Cowards can never be moral." We are thus not asked, but begged, to "be fearless and thorough from the very start" in trying to live life according to the Twelve Steps and the spiritual principles behind them.

Establishing "Conscious Contact" with God

"In meditation," we read in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous (at page 69)," we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The answer will come, if we want it."

This instruction dealing with our sex relations, and simple on its face, is found in the instructions for how to do Step Four, yet its forward looking implications are for Step Nine and (perhaps more importantly) for Step 12, where we endeavour to "practice these principles in all our affairs." Its inclusion in Step Four is an indication that as part of Step Two and Step Three we have already begun to seek out, through the practice of prayer and meditation, a conscious contact with God.

Indeed, the "word-of-mouth program" from the Oxford Group that Ebby T. passed on to Bill W. stressed the need for daily periods of meditation. In the "Three Talks to Medical Societies" pamphlet, we read that the sixth 'step' that Ebby relayed to Bill was: "By meditation, (we) sought God's direction for (our) life and help to practice these principles of conduct at all times." Similarly, Step Eleven in A.A.'s suggested program of action says that we seek "through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact" with the God of our understanding.  If we are to "improve our conscious contact with God," we must have already established such conscious contact at some earlier point in the Steps.

All of this implies, of course, that meditation is one of the fundamental practices that facilitates the spiritual awakening that is necessary for recovery from alcoholic addiction, and that we are faced with the necessity of practicing meditation even before we hit Step Four. It implies, it would seem, that beginning the practice of meditation is an integral part of "turning our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him" in Step Three, for without it we are flying blind.

Steps Four through Step Nine will, of course, relieve the sufferer of many of the punishing thoughts and emotions based on past events that fuel his or her sense of discomfort, irritability, restlessness and discontent, but it is in the state of higher God-consciousness attained in meditation that we find real release. Thus, we are urged to make time for a period of quiet each morning before we start the affairs of the day, seeking guidance for what we should do; and we are urged to take a similar period of quiet each evening, before we retire to bed.

By establishing such a routine we find a place of quiet consciousness to which we can retreat when the going gets tough during our day, and in which we can recollect ourselves and what we are aiming at - i.e., to be of maximum service to God and our fellow beings. It is, as a plaque on Dr. Bob's desk says, "to have a blessed home in (ourselves) where (we) can go in and shut the door and pray to (our God) in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble."

The Use of Will Power and a Higher Power

An alcoholic addict who has progressed beyond a certain point in his or her addiction loses all will-power and cannot, it seems, stop and remain abstinent on their own. This loss of the power of the unaided will - which may remain effective with respect to other areas of his or her life, but is wholly non-existent when it comes to drinking and drugging - is the essence of alcoholic addiction.

The 'Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous states this plainly in the following paragraph (which is italicized in the 'Big Book' in order to emphasize its importance):

"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

[Alcoholics Anonymous, page 24.]

Our being "without defense" against that first drink or hit of a drug, means that we cannot safely rely upon our ordinary will power, nor on all that we have learned in Alcoholics Anonymous (or any of its sister organizations). At such times, we need to be able to effect and maintain a conscious contact with "a Power greater than ourselves" in order not to act on the self-will that tells us it is okay to start the party rolling again. We must be able to attain to the higher part of our consciousness (what the more religious members of A.A. call "God-consciousness), and make our decisions about what to do from that level of consciousness, where the stressors and thoughts that lead us to want to drink and/or drug are absent. Without such conscious contact, we are "without defense," and we may well drink and/or drug again.

To admit just how powerless and defenseless we remain over alcohol initially goes against all we are taught.

Advertising makes it clear that we should: "Be an army of one! Take a licking and keep on ticking! Just do it!" Poor Charlie Brown tells himself, yet again, "You can do anything, as long as your grit your teeth!" Yet inevitably, time after time, Lucy pulls the football away just as he is about to kick it.

Thus, at page 22 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, we read:

"When first challenged to admit defeat, most of us revolted. We had approached A.A. expecting to be taught self-confidence. Then we had been told that so far as alcohol was concerned, self-confidence was no good whatever; in fact, it was a total liability. There was no such thing as personal conquest of the alcoholic compulsion by the unaided will."

So where, then, do we turn for someone or something to 'aid' our will power in order that we have a defense against the first drink or impulse to drug? The answer is that we turn to a Power greater than our unaided 'self,' to the "God of our own understanding," or to "the Great Reality deep down within us," which is discussed on page 55 of the 'Big Book.'

It is not that our will power is no good whatsoever. Quite the contrary. Rather, it is when we rely solely on the will power summoned by our ordinary egoic 'self'-consciousness that we are vulnerable. When we rely on the power of a will that has effectively been turned over to the care of a Power greater than our 'selves,' we become invested with a defense, and are no longer 'powerless' in the way we were when we were all on our own. Thus, in the Step Three essay in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, we read:

"It is when we try to make our will conform with God's that we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of will power. We had tried to bombard our problem with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps."

It is not that our will power is, per se, defective and thereby of no use in avoiding picking up a drink or taking a hit off of a crack pipe etc. It is trusting and acting only on the power of will that is based on our egoic, self-centered, self-consciousness thinking which provides us with "no defense." When we utilize our will power based upon and grounded in our higher, God-centered consciousness, we have an effective defense.

Therefore, just as alcoholism and addiction is progressive and fatal, so too we must seek - on a daily basis, and through meditation and prayer - to "improve our conscious contact with God." The secret to attaining and maintaining recovery from alcoholic addiction is, thus, a matter of changing (one day at a time) the ordinary state of our consciousness and being.

Surrender Part II: Letting Go & Letting God

"When we became alcoholic, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn't. What was our choice to be?

["Alcoholics Anonymous," page 53.]

Paris Peace Conference, 1919

The First World War (which was known as "the Great War," because it was assumed to be 'the war to end all wars') ended in an armistice or truce, and not a surrender. Afterwards, the representatives of 29 countries met in Pais and hammered out a number of treaties (the "Paris Peace Treaties") that imposed conditions on the defeated nations, including crippling war reparations, that virtually assured that the peace wouldn't last. It didn't.

During the course of the ensuing Second Word War, the leaders of the main Allied Powers met and decided their would only be one condition for ending the war, that being the "unconditional surrender" of the Axis Powers (principally Germany, Italy and Japan).

Japan's "Unconditional Surrender," 1945

It's been said, that Japan, in particular, as the last combatant to surrender, faced the toughest conditions of all in implementing its "unconditional surrender," Their emperor, considered a living God by the people of Japan, had to go on the radio (in itself unheard of) and admit defeat; all of Japan's weapons were then inventoried and turned over to its former enemies; a new constitution was written for it by the Allied Powers (including a provision that it would never rearm); and those leaders that had led Japan into war (who hadn't killed themselves) were tried and executed.

And what was the result? Aid flowed into Germany and Japan as part of the Marshall Plan, and within scant years, each was amongst the richest and most productive economies in the world, and they in turn became not only functioning democracies, but trusted and crucial allies of their former enemies.

Admitting complete defeat, and the unconditional surrender of the right to manage and care for one's own life, is, of course what is necessary for one to enjoy the full promise that the 12 Steps hold out to the newcomer.

"Who cares to admit complete defeat?"

"Who cares to admit complete defeat?," we read in the opening chapter of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. An admission of complete defeat, we read, is necessary because, "We perceive that it is only through utter defeat (that we are) able to take our first steps towards liberation and strength." Like Germany and Japan, we are asked to make an unconditional surrender, in order to access the help that A.A. and its sister programs so gladly offer. ("The war is over," as my first sponsor's sponsor so often said "And the good news is . . . you lost," he always added.)

Then, if we can answer this call for an "unconditional surrender" in the affirmative, we face a number of interrelated questions that are really a subset of that first and all-important questions as to whether we are completely defeated, have "hit bottom," and have admitted that we are "powerless over alcohol" and that "our lives have become unmanageable."

" . . . (F)ew people," we read, " will sincerely try to practice the A.A. Program unless they have hit botton. For practicing A.A.'s remaining eleven Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still drinking can dream of taking. Who wishes to be honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A.'s message to the next sufferer? No, the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn't care for this prospect - unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself."

If we can answer these questions in the affirmative, then we are truly in a position to finally let go of our old ideas and attitudes (our old thoughts and ways of thinking) in order to let that "unsuspected inner resource," which we all have, guide our thoughts and our actions.  (See the Spiritual Experience appendix.)

Yet a lifetime of desperately trying to manage the unmanageable - i.e., trying to manage life - is going to be a hard habit to kick. And, so, Step Three is all about the practice of letting go of our need to act upon the first fear-driven thoughts that pop into our heads, and in relying upon the deeper God-inspired thoughts of our higher consciousness to guide our words and actions.

"It is when we try to make our will conform with God's that we begin to use it rightly," we read in Step Three of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. "To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of will power. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of trying to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door."

The "whole purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps" is to get us to exercise our will in conformity with God's will? That is a powerful statement. And, if God is indeed "everything" rather than "nothing," as we read at page 53 in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, this must mean that we have to bring our will into conformity with the will of the Whole, with the will of "life" itself. That's a tall order. How is it possible?

Thankfully, each of us has a conscience - and are capable of being conscious of that conscience - and, therefore, each time we are about to say something or do something (or refrain from doing or saying something) that will bring us into conflict with the will of the Whole (or the will of God), we are capable of feeling the pangs of conscience. as expressed in our emotions .

In such instances, we will feel wounded pride, greedy, angry, lustful, gluttonous, envious, or tired and slothful, to utilize the range of emotions that go along with the "seven deadly sins" that are discussed later in the Twelve and Twelve. In short, we will again begin to suffer the pangs of "anxious apartness" that arises each time the "self" (or the"ego") feels threatened and seemingly needs to express itself in action or words. And that's where the rest of the "practice" of Step Three kicks in.

At the very end of Step Three in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, we read that it is, indeed "easy to begin the practice" of Step Three," for it very much a spiritual practice which is every bit as important to our long-term recovery as is our meditation practice, or our practice of taking a daily inventory. It is through this Third Step "practice," that in each time of "emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for silence, and in the stillness" recite the Serenity Prayer.

For it is only in the deeper, higher consciousness of the "God of our own understanding" that serenity is to be found. It is only in going to this deeper, higher consciousness, that we become able to display the "courage" to change the only "thing" that we can - that is, the level of our consciousness. And, it is only in knowing that there is within us each the lower, normal self-consciousness of the human ego, and the higher, deeper consciousness of God, that we begin to actually display "wisdom."

In short, it is in making our decisions about what to say or do (or not say or do) based on this higher, deeper God-consciousness that we begin the practice of "letting go" of our egoic, self-consciousness, and "letting (the) God" of our higher consciousness run the show.

Life is, in fact, unmanageable by our lower, egoic "selves;" and, yet, it requires no management when we are attuned in consciousness to the Higher Power of the Whole, the Ground of Being, or just simply, God. "The war is over," then. "And the good news is . . . you lost!"

Overcoming the Suffering of the "Self"

"Our actor is self-centered - ego-centric. . . "
Alcoholics Anonymous, page 61.

How do we overcome the suffering caused by the ego, or small "self"? Over and over the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us that the root cause of alcoholic addiction is "self" - a.k.a. the human "ego." Specifically we are told:

Selfishness - self centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. . . . So our troubles we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! (Emphasis added.)

God helps us to get rid of our "self" centeredness and all its manifestations we are immediately told, and working through the 12 Steps helps us to do that - to "deflate ego" in depth. Having done the work, how then can we continue to work on keeping the voice of the ego - "self" - in check? Fortunately, A.A. has "no monopoly" on this process of "self-forgetting." And all of the world's great wisdom traditions speak to this.

Thich Nhat Hahn

Thich Nhat Hahn, a renowned Buddhist monk from Vietnam (who was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Martin Luther King Jr.), has written a small book, "Beyond the Self," that fits easily into one's pocket or purse. In it he examines the three mechanisms that help to drive the ego: ignorance, anger and lust. Of these, perhaps our ignorance of what "self" is, and how the "ego" operates, is probably our biggest barrier to allowing "a Power greater than ourselves" into our life and being, in order that this might surplant the raucous, painful and fear-based inner dialogue of the "ego" which drives us so blindly.

"Buddha," Thich Nhat Hahn notes, explains that "ignorance gives rise to impulses." It is our job to refrain from acting on our "self-centered" impulses. Hahn recommends "mindfulness" as a means to doing so, a practice that is an integral part of the continuing mental inventory of our thoughts and actions that we take in Step Ten. It is pretty well equivalent to what Bill W. means by "self-examination."

"Ignorance," Thich Nhat Hahn observes, "means that we don't understand what is happening, so we behave in a certain way. If we are able to see clearly we will behave differently. Each one of us is caught, to a larger or smaller extent, in our emotions, in our difficulties, and in our experiences of suffering in the past. Because we're caught, we repeat the same suffering over and over again. We have a habit energy of reacting to circumstances in a rote way."

Or, as it says in the "How It Works" reading: "Some of us have tried to hold onto our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely." Nil, nada, nothing! As one wizened old-timer pointed out to me, that is the only "absolute" that we find in the first part of the Big Book. He told me (and rightly so, I believe) that, "there is nothing to learn in A.A. It is a process of 'unlearning." It is a process of letting go of our "old" ideas and unlearning our "attitudes," which is defined in my dictionary (the "O.E.D.") as "a settled opinion or way of thinking," i.e., our "habit" of thought. And, God only knows how much an alcoholic addict loves and clings onto his or her habits!

So how do we let go of old ideas and habitual thought patterns? If we have completed the Steps we turn to Step Three . . .  if not, we pick up a pen and paper and begin working on Step Four. Assuming we are working Step Three, every time we don't know what to do, or our thoughts are running wild and we are feeling "emotionally disturbed," we are told to stop, pause and, from the quiet within us, say the Serenity Prayer.

In a very real sense, this is the practice of "mindfulness," a concept or practice that is increasingly understood and used in the West, but which is essentially and originally an Eastern (particularly Buddhist) term and methodology. "Mindfulness" is, to my mind at least, the result of the interwoven and logically interrelated practices of "self-examination, meditation and prayer;" what Bill describes  in Step Eleven of the "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions," as "an unshakeable foundation."

Thich Nhat Hahn then further illustrates how we are habitually driven by our old ideas and ways of thinking, and describes how "mindfulness" can relieve us of this "bondage of self."

"Our habit energy is what causes us to repeat the same behaviour thousands of time. Habit energy pushes us to run, to always be doing something, to be lost in thoughts of the past or the future and to blame others for our suffering. And that energy does not allow us to be peaceful and happy in the present moment."

"The practice of mindfulness helps us to recognize that habitual energy. Every time we can recognize the habit energy in us, we are able to stop and to enjoy the present moment. The energy of mindfullness is the best energy to help us embrace our habit of energy and transform it."

 In a very real sense, practicing "mindfulness" is our practicing the 'presence of God' in our lives; a practice that asks us not to conform to, or change the world, but rather to recover and to be "transformed" by the "renewal" of our minds. (Romans 12:2)

(Excerpts are from Thich Nhat Hahn, "Beyond the Self: Teachings on the Middle Way," Parallax Press, Berkeley CA: 2010)