The Jung-Wilson Correspondence

Bill Wilson
(1895-1971)

Shortly before the latter's death, Bill W. wrote to Carl Jung, thanking the great psychologist for his largely unheralded impetus in the chain of events that would establish Alcoholics Anonymous (and her sister 12 Step groups) as, perhaps, the most effective way for treating addictions, to alcohol and otherwise. For it was Jung who passed on the vital information (through the aegis of Roland H. and Ebby T.) that "a vital spiritual experience" could be sufficient to arrest the fatal progression of alcoholism.

Roland H., whom Jung had treated for alcoholism in or around 1932, took this important message to heart and joined the then-popular Oxford Group, and through him, Jung's remarks were carried to Ebby T. (an old drinking friend of Bill's), and on to Bill, himself. (Roland attained life-long sobriety, but remained in the Oxford Group, never becoming a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.)

The important message conveyed through Jung's treatment of Roland, set out on pages 26-28 of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, contains the following description of what seems (in Jung's view) to happen to individual alcoholics who undergo profound psychological changes as a result of a spiritual (or religious) awakening:

"Ideas, emotions and attitudes which were the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and new conceptions and motives begin to dominate them."

Carl G. Jung
(1875-1961)

In his reply to Bill's letter of acknowledgment (copied, below), Jung outlined the basic reason why an alcoholic drinks, a reason that, of course, underlies the effectiveness of the spiritual solution found in A.A. Making an intuitive observation, Jung noted that: "His craving for alcohol was on a low level the thirst of our being for wholeness, expressed in medieval terms: the union with God." Thus, Jung's conclusion that a real and effective spiritual or religious experience could aid the individual in overcoming alcoholic addiction.

However, Jung warned: "The only right and legitimate way to such an experience (i.e., the non-dualistic union with God) is, that it happens to you in reality, and that it can only happen to you when you walk on a path which leads you to higher understanding. You might be led to that goal," he observed, "by an act of grace or through a personal and honest contact with friends, or through a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of mere rationalism."

Fortunately for the alcoholic addict, effecting a "conscious contact" with a Power greater than the limitations of our ordinary, egoic self results in "grace"; the fellowship within our A.A. (or sister) group and/or with our sponsor affords us the requisite "personal and honest human contact" we need; and, the process of continual "self-examination, meditation and prayer" we engage in provides us with "a higher education of the mind" beyond the confines of our egoic and incessant rationalism.

Here is the body of the letter from Jung to Bill W., which is also included in the Grapevine book, "The Language of the Heart." Note, Jung's ultimate prescription for alcoholism: "spritus contra spiritum".

Praying For Answers

"In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for awhile. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind."

-- Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 86-87

In working to overcome the self-conscious mind-chatter of the ego, the central problem of the alcoholic addict, we develop what Bill W. calls a "sixth sense." A higher, God-consciousness "becomes a working part of the mind," and we are able to see and respond to life's circumstances in a manner wholly different from the way we formerly would have.

But, as he notes, in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, it is far from certain that we will always be attuned to this new mode of thinking. All too often, we lapse back into our egoic self-consciousness and react to life, trying to manipulate and guide people, things and circumstances into a reality that we dictate, rather than accepting them as they are.

"Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God," Bill writes, "it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times." As a result, he notes, "(w)e might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd ideas and actions."

Writing on Step Eleven in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Bill addresses the difficulties that arise when we ask for guidance without having established (or re-established) the conscious contact with our Higher Power that is necessary to receive it.

"(T)he question is often asked," he notes: "Why can't we take a specific and troubling dilemma straight to God, and in prayer secure from Him sure and definite answers to our requests?"

"This can be done," he observes, "but it has its hazards. We have seen A.A.'s ask with much earnestness and faith for God's explicit guidance on matters ranging all the way from a shattering domestic or financial crisis to correcting a minor personal fault, like tardiness. Quite often however, the thoughts that seem to come from God are not answers at all. They prove to be well-intentioned unconscious rationalizations."

This is, perhaps why Dr. Bob (in the "A.A. Co-Founders" pamphlet) continued to reccommend the Four Abolutes of honesty, purity, unselfishness and love as guideposts to making difficult decisions, asking of any particular solution: Is it true or is it false? Is it good or is it bad? How will it affect others? And, is it beautiful or is it ugly?

Doctor Bob observed that running the Four Absolutes past a given problem or situation would usually provide him with the appropriate answer or course of action. Yet, he also observed that if an answer was not clear after posing the questions suggested by the Absolutes, he would consult someone else who was spiritually grounded and perhaps more familiar with a particular situation than he was.

The problem with asking for answers to specific questions or for guidance upon a particular course of action is not only that we often substitute our own answer for that of our Higher Power's, but that in all earnestness we believe that the answer comes not from our own selfish and egoic consciousness, but from God's.

"The A.A., or indeed any man, who tries to run his life rigidly by this kind of prayer, by this self-serving demand of God for replies, is a particularly disconcerting individual," Bill observes. "To any questioning or criticism of his actions he instantly proffers his reliance upon prayer for guidance in all matters great or small. He may have forgotten the possibility that his own wishful thinking and the human tendency to rationalize have distorted his so-called guidance. With the best of intentions, he tends to force his own will into all sorts of situations and problems with the comfortable assurance that he is acting under God's specific direction. Under such an illusion, he can of course create great havoc without in the least intending it."

An alternative form of prayer is that suggested by Emmett Fox in his great work, "The Sermon on the Mount," a book that many of the old-timers turned to for instructions on prayer and meditation.

Fox suggests that there are three levels or types of prayer. First, there is the petitionary prayer we are used to, but prayer that is restricted to affirming the omnipresence of God and invoking his consciousness in our lives. The second, and higher form of prayer, he notes, is that of meditation, in which we find the quiet consciousness of God. And the third, and highest form of prayer, is that of contemplation, in which we take the quiet consciousness we have found through meditation out into our lives.

Relying on affirmative and invocative prayer to bring us into the consciousness of God - and then to ask "for inspiration, an intuitive thought or decision" - many have found, is a more useful and effective mode of prayer than is asking for specific solutions to be laid out before us. Many would say, it is the only means of effective prayer.

And one may always rely on the Four Absolutes, as Dr. Bob did, in checking both the answers we come up with, and those that still elude us, when utilizing this mode of prayer.

One Sufferer to Another

Bill W. once remarked that there was nothing new in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, that all of our principles and the processes behind the 12 Steps themselves were borrowed from other, older - perhaps ancient - sources. The only thing, in fact, that Bill acknowledged to be unique was the phenomenon of one alcoholic addict talking to another about a solution to their shared problem.

In one of AA's best pamphlets, "A Member's Eye View of Alcoholics Anonymous," the author, delivering an address on A.A. to a class on alcohol counselling, in reviewing the night in Akron, Ohio when Bill first reached out to Dr. Bob, notes that this may have been "the first recorded instance where one alcoholic consciously and deliberately turned to another alcoholic, not to drink with, but to stay sober with."

As the "Member's Eye View" author notes:

Much more important than what was said that evening was who was saying it. Long before the average alcoholic walks through the door of his first A.A. meeting, he has sought help from others or help has been offered to him, in some instances, even forced upon him. But these helpers are always superior beings: spouses, parents, physicians, employers, priests, ministers, rabbis, swamis, judges, policemen, even bartenders. The moral culpability of the alcoholic and the moral superiority of the helper, even though unstated, are always clearly understood. The overtone of parental disapproval and discipline in these authority figures is always present. for the first time (in 1935) an alcoholic suddenly heard a different drummer. Instead of the constant and menacing rat-a-tat-tat of "This is what you should do," he heard an instantly recognizable voice saying, "This is what I did."

 Perhaps it is because I have read Bill's account of their fateful meeting more often than that of Dr. Bob, or perhaps because I have been on many 12th Step calls but have never received one, that I tend to look at the whole initial meeting of Bill and Bob from Bill's point of view. But reading the brief account of their meeting in the "Member's Eye View" pamphlet, I'm struck by how relieved Dr. Bob must have been to find out he was no longer suffering alone.

"I am personally convinced," the pamphleteer writes, "that the basic search of every human being from the cradle to the grave, is to find at least one other human being before whom he can stand completely naked, stripped of all pretense or defense, and trust that person not to hurt him, because the other person has stripped himself naked, too."

Prof. Dr. Carl G. Jung
(1875-1961)

Indeed, whether knowingly or not, the "Member's Eye View" author echoes what Carl Jung relayed to Bill in his letter of January 30, 1961 (available here), where the great psychologist observed:

"I am strongly convinced that the evil principle prevailing in this world leads the unrecognized spiritual need into perdition, if it is not counteracted either by real religious insight or by the protective wall of human community."

Indeed, perhaps one of the essential miracle-making ingredients of the 12 Step movement, irrespective of whether the alcoholic addict has undergone the much-vaunted "spiritual awakening," is that it brings the sufferer who is typically isolated in society, whether or not he realizes it, back within "the protective wall of human community."

For my part, when I first entered into recovery - and again at the lonely end of a long hiatus from A.A. meetings mid-sobriety - there was a huge relief in just being in the presence of other people who I knew had suffered the same existential pain of separation from everyone and everythin except first the bottle, and later, the alcoholic mind.

My first sponsee used to always say, "Don't leave before the miracle happens." Looking back at the physical and mental/emotional bottoms I have hit (both in getting sober, and in staying that way), it has always been the love and care that I have found in the presence of other A.A. members that first gave me hope that I too would recover from the lonely, frightening and seemingly hopeless depths I had plumbed.

That is why I can say, in all truth, "Whenever anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there." And, for that, healing "hand of A.A." being there, I am both grateful and responsible.

Is it My Will or God's Will?

The "Co-Founders" Pamphlet

I've heard it said that if you are wondering whether what you are about to do or say is self-will or God's will, then it must be self-will. I don't think that is necessarily true, however, and it might lead the alcoholic addict in recovery into a one-way ego trap.

When it's a question of God's will or self-will, Dr. Bob recommended (in the "Co-Founders of A.A." pamphlet) running the question of what we should say or do past the little-known "Four Absolutes."

I've been sober a few years, but even when I first found recovery the Four Absolutes  (Honesty, Purity, Unselfishness and Love) were obscure. When asked, Bill W. said that mentioning the "Four Absolutes" in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous would have too closely identified AA with the Oxford Group. Nonetheless, I was fortunate in being brought up with the "Four Absolutes, and I still rely on them when all the chips are down.

The "Four Absolutes" at Dr. Bob's
gravesite in Akron, OH.

Bill also said that the "Four Absolutes" are inherent in each of our 12 Steps. The "Four Absolutes" pamphlet outlining how to utilize the Absolutes to determine our will or God's will is still available from Cleveland's District Office. (More information on using the "Four Absolutes" is available here.)

When faced with a difficult decision to make, and pondering whether doing or saying what feels "right" would be an exression of my will or that of the God of my understanding - that is, wondering whether I am being driven by ego-consciousness or God consciousness - just saying it must be "self-will" may be too simplistic. It is all too easy, in my experience, for me to rationalize not saying or doing what is right because it is just "self-will." This is when a quick inventory with the "Four Absolutes" has proven to be invaluable.

"Back To Basics,"
by Wally P.

In Wally P.'s "Back To Basics" book, we read how the first old-timers would practice what they called "two-way prayer;" that is, asking for guidance, and then sitting in meditation or contemplation for the thought or thoughts that answered their questions.

The need for meditation seems to be under-emphasized these days, and certainly there are very few old-timers or newcomers who discuss "two-way prayer." Yet, it is 'vital,' in all senses of the word, and it is particularly important if one wishes to attain the "vital spiritual experience" that Carl Jung identified as a solution for alcoholic addiction.

Discussing "two-way prayer," Wally P. writes:

" . . . (N)ot all of our thooughts come from God. However, with time and practice we will begin to trust "our vital sixth sense." Starting with the first sentence on page 87, the "Big Book" authors explain:

"What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.
(A.A., p. 87, lines 1-9)

For Bill, it was "common sense" to use alcohol to escape his problems, and "uncommon sense" to stay sober and let God guide him through his difficulties. Bill's thinking changed as the direct result of taking the Steps.

Then on page 69, the "Big Book" authors disclose that, in addition to our thoughts, we must also test our actions. Starting with the second line in the second paragraph, they write:

". . . We subjected each relation to this test---was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them."
(A.A., p. 69, para. 2, lines 2-4)

 We also test our thoughts during morning meditation.  Here's how it works. When we finish our "quiet time," we check what we have put on paper. If what we have written is Honest, Pure, Unselfish AND Loving, we can be assured that these thoughts are God directed. Conversely, if what we have written is Dishonest, Resentful, Selfish OR Fearful, we can be equally assured these thoughts are self-directed.

 And just as we can - if we choose - do a daily inventory of our proposed plans for the day by running them past the "Four Absolutes," so we can run the "Four Absolutes" past what seems to be "the next right thing" for us to say or do. In that way we can distinguish whether it is our will or God's will that we are acting upon. In that way, we can check who is "running the show."

Rare Video of "Bill's Story" and the Birth of A.A. and Al-Anon: Featuring Bill and Lois Wilson

In rare video footage Bill and Lois Wilson recall their struggle with Bill's alcoholic addiction, the fateful visit by Ebby T., and Bill's sudden and profound "spiritual awakening" that relieved him of his addiction.

Note that in recalling his sudden spiritual awakening - the "central experience" of his life - he describes how "the room instantly lit up . . . in a blinding glare of white, white light."  This is a classic description of satori, or the 'enlightenment experience' that Richard M. Bucke describes it in his book "Cosmic Consciousness;" a book which Bill owned and undoubtedly referenced, along with William James' "The Varieties of Religious Experience," in writing "Alcoholics Anonymous."

[The first half-minute or so of the first video is somewhat choppy. After that, it is smooth sailing.]











The remaining clips of this rare footage may be found on Youtube by following the links, below.

In these clips, Bill recounts the full story, or "chain of events" that resulted in the birth of Alcoholics Anonymous (ranging from Carl Jung's advice to Rolland Hazzard, to Bill's work with Dr. Bob, and their work with Alcoholic Anonymous 'Number Three'), while Lois recounts how Al-Anon came to be.

• Bill's Story: Part Four
• Bill's Story: Part Five
• Bill's Story: Part Six
• Bill's Story: Part Seven
• Bill's Story: Part Eight

The video appears to be shot at "Stepping Stones," Bill and Lois' home outside of New York City. If anyone knows how this home movie came to be filmed and/or who filmed it, please let me know.

How NOT to Act via 'Self-Will'

The"Stream of Consciousness" versus "God-Consciousness"

"We found the Great Reality deep down within
us. In the last analysis it is only there He may
be found." (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 55.)    

Knowing that "self" is none other than the ordinary human "ego" - what the psychologist, William James, termed the "stream of consciousness" - how do we refrain from acting (or "acting out") based on the thought stream that is coursing through our mind? How exactly can we be released from "the bondage of self"?

The key is in our ability to "respond" to whatever the situation is (implying a sober, second 'thought') rather than "reacting" to it (implying immediate, instinctive 'action' based on our first thoughts about the situation) Fortunately, the Twelve Steps give us several tools that help us do this, thereby allowing us to operate under the care and protection of a Power greater than our "selves" rather than under our own "steam."

First, and foremost, we have Step Three and the Serenity Prayer. In the "Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous' taking the Third Step for the first time is quite simple: You say the prayer, then pick up pen and start writing out your moral inventory. However, having gone through Steps Four to Step Nine, we are required to "practice" Step Three (as well as Step Ten) on a continuous basis: But how do we practice Step Three effectively, so that what we 'do' or 'say' (or 'don't do' or 'don't say') - i.e., the exercise of our will, or deciding faculty - is based on "God's will" rather than on the imperative drives and instincts of the ego and our egoic, 'self-will'?

Plan A: Step Three and the Serenity Prayer

In the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (at pages 40-41) we read that each time we are emotionally disturbed or indecisive (i.e., we don't know what we should either 'say' or 'not say, or 'do' or 'not do'), we  can (if we so choose) "stop," "pause," ask for "quiet" and say the Serenity Prayer. (Of course, this means we need to 'stop' and pause' the raucous thoughts of the "ego' or "stream of consciousness" rather than slamming on the brakes when frustrated over the traffic on the freeway. We are always dealing in Step Three with the level of our consciousness - the "self," or ego-consciousness, versus the "innermost Self" or "God-consciousness,"as our "more religious members call it.")

To effectively "stop" and "pause" the ego (or what Bill elsewhere calls "that painful inner dialogue"), however, it is essential that we take periods of "quiet time" in the morning and evening in order to find the place of "quiet" within our consciousness (in this instance, God-consciousness) that we can then retreat to when our emotions are running wild or we just don't know what to say or do in the situation we are presented with. This is an absolutely essential component of "the daily maintenance" that we need to "maintain our spiritual condition."

Our instinctive emotions, if used effectively, can be a wonderful tool - a biological 'early warning device' - that allows us to know that our thinking (the "ideas" that drive our "feelings," and our" "attitude, or the habitual way we think and our thought patterns) has once again gone askew. To correct our ideas and attitude, and to rid ourselves of the toxic emotions that would otherwise cause us to "react" rather than "respond" to our circumstances, we consider and recite the Serenity Prayer.

First, we ask for the "serenity," which is really an affirmation and invocation of the presence of a "conscious contact" in our mind with a Power that is greater than our egoic selves - i.e., we invoke, or turn our mind, to our "higher, God-consciousness." To do so, we need "courage" in facing whatever our circumstances are at that moment. "Courage" - from the French "couer," meaning "heart" - is the process of "letting go" of our self-absorbed, ego-consciousness and "letting God," or the God-consciousness that is at the center, or 'heart' of our being, emerge so that we may "respond" with the right action, rather than "reacting" from the ego-powered and most-often misguided and fear-driven drives and instincts. Finally, the "wisdom," which we have already gained from the cumulative, day-after-day practice of the Twelve Steps (particularly Steps Three and Step Eleven) is simply the knowledge that there are, in essence, two "selves" - the narrow "self" which is the "ego," and the expansive, all-inclusive "Self" which is an integral part of, and acts as an agent of, "the God of our understanding." (After all, if God is truly "everything or nothing," we are a part of that Whole, in which "we live, and move, and have our being.").

Plan B: The Four Absolutes

While the Serenity Prayer is best suited to, and is essential for, the moments in life when we are emotional disturbed (i.e., consumed by 'fear-activated' pride, greed, anger, lust etc.), the little known Four Absolutes are immensely helpful when we really "do not know what to do" - when we are truly "indecisive." (Note: This is different from knowing what the right thing to do is - like promptly admitting when we are wrong - but not wanting to do it!)

The "Four Absolutes" at Dr. Bob's graveside.

Little known - as they were not included in A.A.'s early literature out of concern that the then-well known Four Absolutes would publicly identify A.A. with the Oxford Group - Bill, when asked why there was no reference to them in the 'Big Book' or Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, explained they were "implicit" in each of the 12 Steps.

In the "Co-Founders" pamphlet, Dr. Bob explains that when he did not know what to do he would run his ideas through the Four Absolutes (honesty, purity, unselfishness and love) and usually they would provide him with the answer of what to do - based on God's will and not his own. If still indecisive, he said, he would then run the potential scenarios past a friend that was better positioned to make such a decision. (Note to the A.A. "purist" - aside from the "Co-Founders" pamphlet, the Four Absolutes are discussed in "Doctor Bob and the Good Old-Timers," as well as in "Pass It On!," all of which are Conference-approved A.A. literature.)

The four Absolutes, themselves, are very easy to quickly and effectively use. In respect of 'Absolute Honesty' - the first of the Four Absolutes - one asks oneself, in respect of what one is about to 'say' or 'do' (or 'not say' or 'not do'), "Is it true or is it false?" In respect of Absolute Purity, one asks: "Is it right, or is it wrong?" In respect of Absolute Unselfishness, putting oneself and one's own interests out of the situation and completely out of mind, one asks: "How will this affect the other fellow?" And, in terms of Absolute Love, one asks: "Is it beautiful, or is it ugly?"

In the "Co-founders" pamphlet, which sets out the ever-practical and humble Dr. Bob's last major public talk, he says this (in part) about the history, application and usefulness of the Four Absolutes:

"The four absolutes, as we called them, were the only yardsticks we had before the Steps. I think the absolutes still hold good and can be extremely helpful. I have found at times that a question arises, and I want to do the right thing, but the answer is not obvious. Almost always, if I measure my decision carefully by the yardsticks of absolute honesty, absolute unselfishness, absolute purity, and absolute love, and [if] it checks up pretty well with those four, then my answer can't be very far out of the way. If, however, I do that and I'm still not satisfied with the answer, I usually consult with some friend whose judgment, in this particular case, would be very much better than mine. But usually the absolutes can help you to reach your own personal decision without bothering your friends."

 "Four Absolutes" pamphlets can still be purchased through the Cleveland District's Central Office (here), or can be downloaded from a number of independent websites (here and here).

[Reminder to myself: "Thy will, not mine, be done!"]

Tale of a "Double-Minded Man"

I've always been a reader. I got the habit hard when I was a kid, and its stayed with me. I pretty much always read for a little while, or a long while before going to sleep, even in the years I was drinking and drugging - at least on those nights when (a) I didn't pass out, or (b) I actually went to sleep that night.

I just reviewed Dr. Bob's last major talk from the pamphlet, "The Co-Founders of Alcoholics Anonymous", and was pleasantly surprised that he said he had decided to "cultivate the habit of reading", as he puts it, when he sobered up - usually for about an hour or so a day, which included what he called "the Good Book", but also "a good deal of standard literature, possibly of a scientific nature." Not that he pushed that on anyone. Quite the opposite. He said, quite specifically, "I'm not trying to sell you on the idea that you've got to read an hour a day. There are plenty of people, fine A.A.s. who don't read much." . . . I wouldn't try to sell anybody on the idea of it either, but I'll tell you - those minutes or hours are sometimes the very best part of my day, and spiritually liberating.

What I looked through the Co-Founders pamphlet for was a mention that Dr. Bob made in his last major talk about what it was like starting out, and what Bill, Bob and the other "early-timers" had read and studied in the very earliest days of the 12 Step Recovery movement, before there was the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous - or even a written-down formulation of the 12 Steps, for that matter.

I had in my mind's eye the picture of Bill, Bob and Bob's wife, Anne (who was really probably better read, and perhaps more spiritually advanced, than either of those two newly-sober drunks), sitting at Bob and Anne's kitchen table, with only what they referred to as the "Good Book" to go on as a guide. I know I've read that description - probably in one of the two ' official' A.A. histories: "Pass It On" or "Dr. Bob and the Good Old-Timers." While the description, as I remembered it, wasn't there, the information I was looking for about the passages from the Bible that they had found "absolutely essential" was.

Speaking of the very earliest members of A.A. - Bill. Bob, Bill D. and the mere handful of (then) men who were the precursors to the millions of men and women who have been transformed by taking the 12 Steps today, Dr. Bob said:

". . . (W)e were convinced that the answer to our problems was in the Good Book. To some of us older ones, the parts that we found absolutely essential were the Sermon on the Mount, the thirteenth chapter of First Corinthians, and the Book of James." (Emphasis added.)

I had read the Book of James several times in the early years of my sobriety, before I became surrendered to life itself and not merely to 'the bottle and the bag'. And, frankly . . . it hadn't meant much to me because of my prejudice and contempt prior to investigating the spiritual basis and nature of the 12 Steps. When I picked it up again, four or so years ago, however, the following passage hit me like a ton of bricks:

"A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways." (James 1:8)

That's me! I'm that guy! If you run into me when I'm spiritually centered and fit, you will probably get the same kind of experience when dealing with me. . . .I'm pretty predictable that way. Get me on a day when all that is 'inside' of me is "right with the world" - so to speak - and I'm pretty much "happy, joyous and free", as the Big Book says.

But watch out if I'm 'off-kilter' . . . if I'm having a "spiritually-bad hair day", as one speaker so aptly put it. Then, all bets are off, folks. . . . When I've got a really bad case of the "monkey-mind" - with my thoughts just a-racing, taking me from here to there, to there, to back here again . . . and all in my mind . . . like a monkey jumping from branch to branch in a tree - with the full 'committee in the head" all present and cacaphonously accounted for - I am prone to saying or doing almost anything! That's why, I believe, the Good Book describes a man so bedevilled as "legion" (Mark 5:9).

In those moments, I - or the guy in the 'gorilla suit' who is temporarily suited up as me - am unstable - in all of my ways. I've heard my sponsor say many times, that the only difference between him and some dude doing a life sentence in Attica State Prison, is that when he was in that state of mind, he didn't have a gun. . . . Now, that I get!

There's my problem - my whole problem! On those days, there is no G_d and I'm running the whole show, trying vainly to manage life itself. I'm bombarding all my "problems" with a futile, infuriating attempt at exercising my self-will by acting out on whatever solution comes to the monkey-mind of that full committee of idiots I've got running the show at full quorum inside of me. . . . How pathetic . . . How sickening . . . and . . . Oh!, how I suffer inside when that's me in the gorilla-suit. Stay clear of me on those days folks, if you can. No wonder I'd drink, drop or drug just about anything in days past to shut down the "monkey-mind".

I've read and re-read the Book of James, many times since the full import of James 1:8 hit me. Then on one of my last go-throughs, the solution to all that double-mindedness popped out at me. Its just like reading the Big Book or listening to my sponsor. The same thing is repeated again and again, and I can't absorb the truth when I hear it because who I am is obscured by the clamour of the calamity, pomp and worship of other things that can run unchecked and roughshod through my mind - even when I'm looking for the solution. Never underestimate the power of the human Ego to blind someone like me to reality! Worse yet, as Chuck C. put it, "It's Divinely impossible to satisfy the human Ego."

In, at least to me, very Biblical language, James at Chapter 4:8 writes:

"Draw nigh to God, and God will draw nigh to you. Wash clean your hands ye sinners! Purify your hearts ye double-minded."

I am sure it was my reaction to the very Biblical sounding words and imagery in James 4:8 - "Wash clean your hands", "sinners", "purify". . . even that word, "God" - which kept me skimming right past the solution without its having a chance to register in my consciousness. To me, this brief passage sums up what the 12 Step process is all about. It is just about as beautiful and as succinct a diagnosis and prescription for what ails me as I've seen anywhere outside the "three pertinent ideas" that pertain to a wreck like me: That (A) I am alcoholic and could not (cannot, nor should presume to) manage my own life; (B) that probably no human power could (can, or will) relieve my alcoholism and restore me to sanity; but, (C) that God could (can and will) if I seek him out and try to do as he would have me do, not what I might prefer to do. (Please excuse my paraphrase of these three beautiful, pertinent ideas from page 60 of the Alcoholics Anonymous basic text.)

What James 4:8 suggests that I do, is what A.A., N.A., E.A or even ?.A. suggests I do in adopting the 12 Steps as a way of life. That is, (a) to draw near or "nigh to God" by 'uncovering, discovering and discarding' the calamitous thinking, pomp and worship of other things that obscures the "Great Reality" within my being from 'me' and 'my' consciousness - Steps 1, 2, 3; (b) to "wash clean" my hands, by getting rid of "the wreckage of my past" - Steps 4, 5, and 8 through 10; and (c) to "purify my heart" by ridding my being of the false-self's - or Ego's - petty, selfish, self-centered desires and fears by instead focusing my will on the desire to obtain that, and only that, which God would and will provide to me, particularly by his allowing me to attempt to help 'others' - Steps 6,7,11 and 12.

A modern teacher from another of the world's beautiful and ancient wisdom traditions put it this way:

". . . (I)f we want to transform our life and be free of problems we must learn to transform our mind. Sufferings, problems, worries, unhappiness, and pain all exist within our mind; they are all unpleasant feelings, which are part of the mind. Through controlling and purifying our mind we can stop them once and for all. . . . This is not easy to understand at first, but we can gain some understanding by thinking about the following. When we are awake many different things exist, but when we fall asleep they cease. This is because the mind to which they appear ceases. When we dream, the only things that appear are dream objects. Later, when we wake up, these dream objects cease. This is because the dreaming mind to which they appear ceases. If we think deeply about this we shall understand how we can cause all the unpleasant things that we dislike to cease simply by abandoning impure, deluded states of mind; and that we can cause all the pleasant things that we desire to arise simply by developing a pure mind. Purifying our mind of delusions through spiritual practice fulfils our deepest longing for true happiness."

Geshe Kelsan Gyatso,"Transform Your Life: A Blissful Journey", pp. 8-9.

Paul advises, as my greatest spiritual friend in A.A. often did: "Don't be conformed to the world; rather, be transformed by the renewal of your mind." (Romans 12:2) Interestingly, one of the definitions of "renewal" in The Shorter Oxford Dictionary is "recovery".

Enough, already . . . Time to quit writing and do a little more reading, with Dr.Bob's blessing, I assume . . . and with G_d's, I trust. . . .

God Bless . . .