Beyond the 'Big Book' . . . Beyond the 'Inner Dialogue' . . . Beyond the Confines of the 'Self'

The 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous is, of course, our most valuable resource in early recovery, offering, as it does, a complete guide for rapidly taking the newcomer through the Twelve Steps so that he or she may be released from active alcohol addiction. But how effective is it, in and of itself, for working with the "alcoholic who still suffers" years (and, perhaps, many years) into sobriety as he or she continues to struggle, not with the obsession over alcohol, but with "the bondage of self"?

Realistically, there are many within the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous (and its sister organizations), and many returning to these rooms sober, whose spiritual experiences have not been so "deep and effective" as to relieve them from the obsessive nature of the mind. There are those, too, who have had illuminating spiritual experiences only to fall from such spiritual heights and who continue to struggle to recapture what they once had. These are the "still suffering" alcoholic addicts with minds that no longer obsess over alcohol but, rather, minds that obsess about the ordinary human trials and tribulations of life - the instinctive drives for security, sex and society - in their many varieties. The 'Big Book' is necessarily silent about such men and women, as it was written so early in the experience of the then-recovering alcoholics.

Bill Wilson thought that perhaps the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions would help those, like himself, "who had begun to run into life's lumps in other areas than alcohol." Indeed, a decade or so into his own sobriety, when he wrote the second book, "he was suffering almost constant depression and was forced to confront the emotional and spiritual demons that remain 'stranded' in the alcoholic psyche." ("Pass It On," pages 352 and 356.)

"The problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind," we read in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous. Thus, for the alcoholic addict who is "still suffering" in sobriety, it is crucial that he or she comes to terms with the self-centered nature of ordinary human consciousness. That is, he or she must transcend the "egoic self" in order to experience the inner quiet and peace that is inherent to our nature. To do so, however, it is first necessary, that he or she recognize and then learn to let go of the mechanical and learned nature of our 'ordinary' self-centered thinking.

As spiritual teacher and author, William Holden recently blogged on The Huffington Post:

". . . (A)wakening to our original enlightened nature involves interrupting the ordinary flow of linear, language-based, thinking so that we can rediscover "the mind within the mind". Focusing on external circumstances or teachings is not what triggers the moment of (spiritual awakening), in other words. Rather, it is focusing on the absence of internal commentary. Because it is impossible to "think" without words, this practice of stopping the flow of running commentary on our lives involves cultivating a mindset of no-thought (wu-nien) in an attempt to experience each moment as it is without silently talking to ourselves about it."

In the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (at page 98) Bill W. points out that a logically interrelated practice of "self-examination, meditation and prayer" will, in effect, allow the practitioner to access the hidden depths of our being, yielding him or her "an unshakeable foundation" for spiritual living. The Twelve Steps are designed to let us practice this spiritual methodology effectively.

The "maintenance of our spiritual condition" (and with it the ability to move beyond the small and suffering 'self') if practiced over time is the solution to the real problem of the alcoholic addict, the problem centered in his or her mind. It is a solution that all spiritual and religious traditions point to (as outlined in the audio clip, attached below), a solution that moves the alcoholic addict beyond his or her "painful inner dialogue."

If the alcoholic addict still suffering in sobriety is to "move beyond the confines of mere rationalism" and overcome the obsessive nature of the mind, and the problems in life which it presents, he or she may be well advised to look beyond the 'Big Book' and more deeply into the many and varied spiritual and religious paths that complement the Twelve Steps. This may require moving even beyond the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions and other A.A. literature, and further into the realm of the spirit, being quick to see where religious people may be right and making "use of what they to offer: 'Big Book,' page 87.

Laying Aside Prejudice and Contempt

How often have we heard people in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous disparaging, or even verbally attacking, one or another of the world's great religious faiths? Too often, in my view. Particularly, as we are urged in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous (at page 87) to "(b)e quick to see where religious people are right."

The A.A. Preamble, which appears in all material approved by the General Service Conference of Alcoholics Anonymous, makes it clear, and rightly so, that "A.A." is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; (and) neither endorses nor opposes any causes."

But why if A.A. as a whole does not endorse or oppose any cause, do so many members openly oppose various religious faiths or denominations within the rooms of A.A., particularly, when we are advised time and time again, that there is much of value to be realized from the world's great wisdom traditions? One begins to suspect that attacking the religious faith of others may be a means of justifying their own lack of any kind of faith. (I know this was once true of me.) Thus, in the 'Big Book', we read:

"Instead of regarding ourselves as intelligent agents, spearheads of God's ever advancing Creation, we agnostics and atheists chose to believe that our human intelligence was the last word, the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end of it all. Rather vain of us, wasn't it?"

"We, who have traveled this dubious path, beg you to lay aside prejudices, even against organized religion. We have learned that whatever the human frailties of various faiths may be, those faiths have given purpose and direction to millions. People of faith have a logical idea of what life is about."

[Alcoholics Anonymous, page 49. Emphasis added.]

William James (1842-1910)

After Bill W. had his sudden and profound spiritual awakening, he doubted his sanity. Bill was given some assurance by Dr. Silkworth (he of the "Doctor's Opinion") that he had not gone over the deep end. He was given further assurance of both his sanity and the reality of his spiritual awakening upon reading a copy of the great psychologist, William James' book, The Varieties of Religious Experience. Indeed, The Varieties of Religious Experience this is the only book referenced by name in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous.

In it, Professor James distinguishes between the steeples and bells, incense and vestments, and doctrines and creeds of what he termed "outer religion" and the personal experiential nature of "inner religion" and the inner religious experience witnessed by so many differently circumstanced people down through the ages. (Another, such book, which outlines the inner religious experiences of saints mystics and ordinary folk from a wider variety of the world's great religious and wisdom traditions is "The Perennial Philosophy," which was written by Aldous Huxley, a non-alcoholic friend of Bill Wilson's.)

Indeed, in the Spiritual Experience appendix to the 'Big Book' the personality changes "sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism" are openly referred to as "religious experiences" which are, undoubtedly of the "inner" religious variety described by William James.

And what are the effects of such profound spiritual and religious experiences? Again, in the Spiritual Experience appendix we read:

"With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves."

"Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it 'God-Consciousness.'"

Thus, just A.A. as a whole (and each group) does not and should not endorse or oppose any religion or religious denomination, in keeping with our traditions and stated purpose, there is really no need or place for the individual A.A. member (or N.A. member, etc.) to disparage any or all religious sects or denomination. Doing so, displays only a lack of open-mindedness and tolerance, and a lack of awareness of A.A.'s roots and what its purpose is - i.e., to facilitate within each of us a spiritual or (some would quite correctly say) religious awakening which is sufficient for us to recover from our alcoholic addiction, and to thus lead contented and purposeful lives in sobriety.

We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program," the Spiritual Experience appendix concludes. "Willingness, honesty and open-mindedness are the essential of recovery. But these are indispensable."

Is criticizing any religion or religious domination open-minded? Or, does it only display the continuing prejudices of the person doing the criticizing? I know that in the past, when I engaged in religion-bashing, it only showed that I was again exhibiting the "contempt prior to investigation" that Herbert Spencer rightly noted is a complete "bar against all information," and one that kept me in "everlasting ignorance" until I was shown a  broader and much more informative attitude by some kind and much wiser old-timers than I was.

Self-Esteem and Realizing 'Objectivity'

Like most everyone else - but perhaps more so - the alcoholic addict who is newly clean and sober most likely remains obsessed with his or her self-image. And it is likely a thread that runs deep into the fabric of their being. It is for most folks.

How many times have we heard a variant of someone saying they just wanted their 'insides' to match the 'outsides' of the people all around them? Perhaps, this is why the discussion of the Fourth Step inventory specifically includes self-esteem and fear as the primary effects on a bruised ego that leads to resentments.

In setting out the instructions for how to make a personal inventory, the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us: "We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we are angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened."

Throughout the third column of one's personal inventory, we are likely to find (as in the example on page 65 of the 'Big Book') that our 'self-esteem' has been affected by others, and/or that we live in fear about what others may think of us. Perhaps that is a legitimate fear for the alcoholic addict who is still using, but it is no way to lead a spiritual life. We are endeavouring to live life on a spiritual basis, after all, and not on the basis of what others' opinions of us are. Besides, they are in all likelihood too busy worrying about how they appear to others to take too much notice of us.

In his book, "Enlightenment is a Secret," the modern spiritual teacher Andrew Cohen observes that we all need to "realize objectivity," and that cannot be accomplished when we are obsessed with our self-image.

Andrew Cohen, Editor-in-chief,
EnlightenNext magazine.

"Self image is always a dark corner," he writes. "Most people are all suffering from the same agony, tormented by ideas of who they are and who they don't want to be."

"It helps," he observes, "when you realize that this predicament is the human condition. It helps when you realize that almost everybody is suffering in this same misery. Realizing this can help. It can help you to see through the illusion that you are suffering in your own misery isolated and alone. Because of this idea many people feel sorry for themselves. When you realize that this is the average condition of almost everyone it is the beginning of a big change in perspective."

"Realize its not 'your' problem," Cohen urges. "Realize that it is the problem. Realize that this one mistake is the crux of the human predicament. Try and make the effort to depersonalize every aspect of your experience, from the gross to the subtle."

"Realize objectivity," he urges. "It is the only way out."

[Andrew Cohen, "Enlightenment is a Secret," page 144.]

On reviewing our inventory, the 'Big Book' specifically shows us how this lack of objectivity about what others may (or may not) think about us is all-pervading and lethally dangerous. "We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us," we read, "(a)nd in that state the wrong-doings of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill."

Realizing that the false ego of the 'self' - our ordinary self-consciousness, rather than a deeper and higher, God-consciousness - is the real cause of our suffering, we strive to "realize objectivity," as Cohen puts it. Or, as the 'Big Book' puts it: "We realized that the people who had wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick themselves. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too."

It is, therefore, helpful to realize that ego, or ordinary self-consciousness - "thinking without awareness," as another spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle, called it - is not just our problem, but that is 'the' problem, just as Cohen notes. Or, as another enlightened spiritual master said, "Of myself, I am nothing, the Father doeth the works." (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 75.)

Spiritual Awakening: "A Fourth Dimension of Existence"

Bill Wilson (1895-1971)

Bill Wilson describes the shift in consciousness which occurred during his sudden spiritual awakening at Townes Hospital (and, indeed, the spiritual awakening of other early A.A.'s) in many different ways. Amongst my favourites, he describes it (at page 8 of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous) as "a fourth dimension of existence." A fourth dimension of existence, in my experience, which has as its essence a timeless, divisionless state of consciousness which unites the individual with all that is - with God, as I understand that concept.

In the "Spiritual Experience" appendix, added to the second edition of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, we read:

"With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves."

"Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it 'God-consciousness.'"

William James (1842-1910)

Such expanded - and expansive - consciousness is, for most, a temporary state, fleeting or fading in time. Mystics of all ages and traditions have attested to its reality, however, as outlined in William James' book that proved so valuable to Bill, "The Varieties of Religious Experience." Yet it is available to all of us, alcoholic addict and non-alcoholic alike.

Because of the symptoms of our alcoholic addiction, however - i.e., progressive and fatal intoxication - being able to access this vital "inner resource" is essential if we are not to die of our illness. It is the driving mechanism, recognized or not, which is at the bottom of the "entire psychic change" necessary to relieve our alcoholism.

But yet it is no secret. In the following video clip from the enlightened spiritual teacher and best-selling author, Eckhart Tolle - a non-alcoholic who underwent one of the most radical and lasting experiences of spiritual awakening - he explains that there is nothing more we need to know to have such an experience; although, for us, there is almost invariably a lot of work to be done in order to clear the wreckage in preparation for such an experience.

"There's not much else that you need to know (about spiritual awakening) in the sense of accumulated knowledge," Tolle observes, "it is now a question of living that. And if you don't want to live it, that's fine. It means you have to suffer a bit more until you are ready to make this shift, until the shift begins to happen."

"A human being needs to reach the point of readiness," he notes. A point where they say, "Okay, I've done enough madness, I've suffered enough. I'm ready for the shift. I'm ready to say . . .  this moment is all there ever is."



That we always live in the present moment with access to a Power greater than the egoic self is an ageless truth equally recognized in our slogans, "One Day At A Time" and "Let Go and Let God," as it is in the timeless meditations of the great Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, in which he observed, "All we ever have to live or lose is this ever-passing present moment."

Rare Video of "Bill's Story" and the Birth of A.A. and Al-Anon: Featuring Bill and Lois Wilson

In rare video footage Bill and Lois Wilson recall their struggle with Bill's alcoholic addiction, the fateful visit by Ebby T., and Bill's sudden and profound "spiritual awakening" that relieved him of his addiction.

Note that in recalling his sudden spiritual awakening - the "central experience" of his life - he describes how "the room instantly lit up . . . in a blinding glare of white, white light."  This is a classic description of satori, or the 'enlightenment experience' that Richard M. Bucke describes it in his book "Cosmic Consciousness;" a book which Bill owned and undoubtedly referenced, along with William James' "The Varieties of Religious Experience," in writing "Alcoholics Anonymous."

[The first half-minute or so of the first video is somewhat choppy. After that, it is smooth sailing.]











The remaining clips of this rare footage may be found on Youtube by following the links, below.

In these clips, Bill recounts the full story, or "chain of events" that resulted in the birth of Alcoholics Anonymous (ranging from Carl Jung's advice to Rolland Hazzard, to Bill's work with Dr. Bob, and their work with Alcoholic Anonymous 'Number Three'), while Lois recounts how Al-Anon came to be.

• Bill's Story: Part Four
• Bill's Story: Part Five
• Bill's Story: Part Six
• Bill's Story: Part Seven
• Bill's Story: Part Eight

The video appears to be shot at "Stepping Stones," Bill and Lois' home outside of New York City. If anyone knows how this home movie came to be filmed and/or who filmed it, please let me know.