". . . Any Lengths"

"His craving for alcohol was the equivalent on a low level of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness, in medieval terms: union with God."

Letter from Carl Jung to Bill Wilson, dated January 31, 1961, discussing the recovery of Rolland H. from alcoholic addiction using the Oxford Groups' "word-of-mouth" spiritual program that was passed from Rolland to Ebby T., and on to Bill W.

In the "How It Works" reading, which is customarily read at many A.A. meetings, we hear: "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps." (Emphasis added.) Reflecting on the early years of sobriety, I ask myself: Was I willing to go to "any lengths?" The answer is quite clearly: "No!" While I didn't drink (or use), joined a group, got a sponsor, did an inventory, shared it and made amends etc., I would not, and did not, pray and meditate on a consistent basis, nor did I give these vital practices any more than a surface trial.

In the "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" (at pp. 39-40) we read: "More sobriety brought about by the admission of alcoholism and by attendance at a few meeting is very good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from permanent sobriety and a contented, useful life." And, how true that ignored warning turned out to be for me! If you knew me at five years sober, you would likely have said: "Yes! He's got it." But by roughly the time I was fifteen years sober, having achieved much in the worldly sense of life - profession, money, prestige, family and home, etc. - not only was I profoundly discontented and virtually useless to friends, family and the community, but my sobriety and my very life were in grave peril. The reason? I had neglected the clear warning in the 'Big Book' (at p. 85) that "(w)e are not cured of our alcoholism" but, rather, "(w)hat we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."

I was an extremely fortunate man, however. A good friend from early sobriety reached out to me when he found out my life had crumbled beneath me due to what was most clearly a case of being "dry" rather than mentally and spiritually "sober." (Only half-jokingly, I refer to it as being a period of "stark raving sobriety.") Additionally, a man who had been fifteen years years sober and then drank, but who was then fifteen years sober once again, saw that I was truly suffering and reached out to sponsor me. Although he was even then dying of cancer, he took me through the Steps and illustrated to me how and what needed to be done if I, too, was to truly recover from, by then, "a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body."

Even more importantly, as it turned out, was another old-timer who recognized my suffering and took me once again through the 'Big Book, showing me what it was that I needed - a power greater than my own narrow, egoic "self" - and where to find it. The "how" of establishing such a relationship with "a Power greater than myself" - i.e., "how" to pray and meditate effectively - was, in turn, shown to me, albeit reluctantly at first, by a third old-timer steeped in decades of meditative practice.

It is on the all-important page 55 of the 'Big Book' that we are told where to seek and find a "God of our own understanding."

". . . (D)eep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form it is there. . . . We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis, it is only there that He may be found." (Emphasis added.)

Collectively and individually, these gentlemen showed me how to access that "unsuspected inner resource" which is discussed in the Spiritual Experience appendix to the 'Big Book.' Yet, how difficult it is to establish and maintain an effective practice of meditation and prayer, how difficult to truly practice Step Eleven.

"We are not saints," it is true. But how willing are each of us "to grow along spiritual lines"? What "lengths" are each of willing to go to? Is it, indeed, "any length." (Emphasis added.)

For myself, the question is: Am I seeking enlightenment? For the possibility of attaining an absorbed consciousness anchored in the Ground of Being is spoken of in each of the world's great spiritual traditions, whether it is called liberation, enlightenment, mystic union, moksha, nirvana, or more plainly, as Dr. Jung  phrased it "union with God."

"There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakeable foundation for life, now and then we may be granted a glimpse of that ultimate reality which is God's kingdom."

(Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 98.)

The question thus remains for each of us: Am I truly "willing to go to any lengths" and to endure the rigours of the necessary spiritual disciplines to gain relief and break the bondage of self which is the hallmark of the ordinary human condition? Remember the caution we hear so often: "half measures availed us nothing." I found it to be was so with me.

Love and the Eleventh Step Prayer

"Be the captive of Love in order that you may be truly free - free from coldness and the worship of self. Thousands have passed who were wise and learned but who were strangers to Love. No name is left of them, nothing to proclaim their fame and dignity or to relate their history in the march of time. Although you may attempt to do a hundred things in this world, only Love will give you release from the bondage of yourself."

-- Jami --
("Essential Sufism," p. 115.)

 "When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade," we read in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous (at page 53), "we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?"

If we truly wish to be relieved of the "bondage of self," we must humbly take the position that God is, indeed, everything - that everything we perceive proceeds from, is, and is of, God. This position of non-duality allows us to truly embrace Step Three. We can be assured that our lives (and the world) are all part of a Unitive Whole that mystics, teachers and sages from all the world's great wisdom traditions have identified with a Power greater than themselves.

The great teacher of mystical Islam, the Sufi poet Jami, (above), like the Scriptures, equates this Higher Power with 'Love.' Thus, it is no mere coincidence that in our Eleventh Step Prayer (i.e., the Prayer of Saint Francis, a man profoundly influenced by Sufi teachings) we pray: "Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted - to understand, than to be understood - to love, than to be loved."

Simple on its face, this aspiration is profound in its implications. It is an appeal to have our narrow self-consciousness lifted to an entire new plane - that of a transcendental Love, without conditions or even objects. "For," we affirm, "it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by dying (to self, or the ego) that one awakens to Eternal Life."

To love, in the sense meant by Jami, St. Francis, and so many other saints, sages and spiritual teachers, is to truly turn one's will and one's life over to the power of God as we understand Him, to die to self and awaken to the Eternal Self that is the core of our inner existence, to die before dying.

Am I truly ready to take this greatest leap of faith, to truly put aside once and for all reliance on my own narrow self-will? This, it seems, is the central question of recovery, recovery from all of our addictions and from our obsessive, self-centered, lower consciousness.

Reflections on A.A.'s Early History: The Cental Role of Meditation

In a 1958 lecture delivered to the New York City Medical Society on Alcoholism (contained in the "Three Talks to Medical Societies" pamphlet) Bill W. described the fateful evening when Ebby T. came to visit him in his home. Surprisingly, Ebby was sober. And, as if that wasn't bad enough from Bill's point of view, Ebby had "got religion." Nevertheless, Bill heard Ebby out, and afterwards, as Bill describes it, "(t)he spark that was to become Alcoholics Anonymous had been struck."

Here, in Bill's words, is a summary of what ensued that evening:

". . . (H)e told me of his conversations with (Rowland H.), and how hopeless alcoholism really was, according to Dr. Carl Jung. Added to Dr. Silkworth's verdict, this was the worst possible news. I was hard hit. Next Ebby enumerated the principles he had learned from the Oxford Group. Though he thought these good people were sometimes too aggressive, he certainly couldn't find any fault with most of their basic teachings. After all, these teachings had sobered him up."

"In substance, here they are, as my friend applied them to himself in 1934:

      1.  Ebby admitted that he was powerless to manage his own life.
      2.  He became honest with himself as never before; made an "examination of conscience.
      3.  He made a rigorous confession of his personal defects and thus quit living alone with his problems.
      4.  He surveyed his distorted relations with other people, visiting them to make what amends he could.
      5.  He resolved to devote himself to helping others in need, without the usual demand for personal prestige or material gain.
      6.  By meditation, he sought God's direction for his life and the help to practice these principles of conduct at all times.

"This sounded pretty naive to me," Bill recalls, "(n)evertheless, my friend stuck to the plain tale of what had happened. He related how, practicing these simple precepts, his drinking had unaccountably stopped. Fear and isolation had left, and he had received a considerable peace of mind. With no hard disciplines nor any great resolves, these changes began to appear the moment he conformed. His release from alcohol seemed to be a byproduct. Though sober but months, he felt sure he had a basic answer. Wisely avoiding arguments, he then left."

"The spark that was to become Alcoholics Anonymous had been struck," Bill points out. "One alcoholic had been talking to another, making a deep identification with me and bringing the principles of recovery within my reach."

Carl Jung: Click here to read
Jung's letter to Bill W.

Reading this account, I am struck by two seemingly separate but interrelated points: (1) the emphasis that is put upon Carl Jung's conclusions about alcoholism, and (2) the emphasis that is put on meditation for seeking God's direction for life. Indeed, prayer is not mentioned at all.

Jung's conclusions on alcoholism are set out on pages 26-27 of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous, and indicate (a) that sometimes alcoholics have had"vital spiritual experiences" sufficient to relieve their alcoholism, (b) that such experiences seem to be "in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements, and (c) that "(i)deas, emotions and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motivations begin to dominate them."

These conclusions are related to Ebby's sixth point, that he and the original Oxford Groupers utilized meditation to ascertain how they should implement their spiritual principles into their conduct at all time. Meditation, it seems, is the process by which we raise our minds to a higher level which is devoid of our old thoughts and ways of thinking. Thus, old ideas, emotions and attitudes are, indeed, "cast to one side."

Ebby T. with Bill W.

In a subsequent biography ("Ebby: The Man Who Sponsored Bill W."), Ebby describes how he and Rowland H. practiced the Oxford Group principles, including daily meditation.

"Rowland gave me a great many things that were of a great value to me later on," Ebby recalls. "He had a thorough indoctrination and he passed as much of this on to me as he could. When we took trips together we would get up early in the morning, and before we even had any coffee, we would sit down and try to rid ourselves of any thoughts of the material world and see if we couldn't find out the best plans for our lives for that day and to follow whatever guidance came to us."

Ebby's observations about the centrality and importance of meditation are reflected in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous (at pages 86-87), where we read:

"On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin (however), we ask God to direct our thinking,  especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. . . . In thinking about our day ahead we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while."

 And the result of such a meditative practice?  "What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration," we read, "gradually becomes a working part of the mind." Thus, if we are to experience the wholesale change in our "ideas, emotions and attitudes" that marks a spiritual awakening and thus relieves us from our alcoholism, the practice of effecting a conscious contact with God through daily meditation is absolutely crucial.

Supplicatory prayer which affirms and invokes God's help, while important, is a lesser form of a direct and conscious contact with a Higher Power. Meditation is the process by which we effect and improve such conscious contact, while contemplation - the highest form of prayer - is going out from meditation into the world, while maintaining our conscious contact with God so that we may truly practice A.A.'s principles in all our affairs.

All three types of prayer, but particularly meditation, were emphasized in early A.A., and  all three continue to be applicable and essential today if we are to effect, attain and maintain a vital spiritual experience of God in this world.

The Tao of Selflessness

In the Eleventh Step Prayer, we affirm that: "(I)t is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying (to the ego) that one awakens to Eternal Life." Thus we see that a transformation of consciousness is what we are truly seeking, for the so-called normal, egoic consciousness of the alcoholic addict is the basic problem for which booze and/or drugs was once a viable solution - that is, while they still worked to bring us out of our narrow self-consciousness. Anything short of such a transformation of consciousness is bound to be painful and ineffective over the long haul.

In the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous it is pointed out (at pp. 44-45) that mere knowledge and intellectualism is insufficient to overcome alcoholic addiction.

"If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism," we read, "many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power was not there. Our human resources as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed us utterly."

"Lack of power (is) our dilemma," we are then told, and the purpose of the 'Big Book' is to show us how and where we might find and establish conscious contact with a Power greater than ourselves in order to transform our inner being.

Thus, philosophy and intellectual knowledge are insufficient for our purposes, but actual spiritual experience - if it is real and effectual - will relieve us from the fears and desires that constitute the raw fuel of our lower, egoic self-consciousness. We will find such a Higher Power "deep down within us" we are later told, and this paradoxical discovery - the paradox of all spiritual paths - will solve our dilemma of powerlessness and life's unmanageability.

In the Taoist book of spiritual wisdom, Lau Tzu's "Tao Te Ching," we read:

"Exterminate the sage, discard the wise,
And the people will benefit a hundredfold;
Exterminate benevolence, discard rectitude,
And the people will again be bound;
Exterminate ingenuity, discard profit,
And there will be no more thieves and bandits.
These three, being false adornments, are not enough
And the people must have something
To which they can attach themselves:
Exhibit the unadorned and embrace the uncarved block,
Have little thought of self and as few desires as possible."

 It is by forgetting self - with all the fears and desires that preoccupy our lower thought lives - that we ultimately find recovery, sanity and wholeness in a new, transformational state of consciousness and being.

Examining the "Harms" Caused to Others

"We might next ask ourselves what we mean when we say that we have "harmed" other people. What kinds of "harm" do people do to one another, anyway? To define the word "harm" in a practical way, we might call it the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage to people. If our tempers are consistently bad, we arouse anger in others. If we lie or cheat, we deprive others not only of their worldly goods, but of their emotional security and peace of mind. We really issue them an invitation to become contemptuous and vengeful. If our sex conduct is selfish, we may excite jealousy, misery, and a strong desire to retaliate in kind."

"Such gross misbehavior is not by any means a full catalogue of the harms we do. Let us think of some of the subtler ones which can sometimes be quite as damaging. Suppose that in our family we happen to be miserly, irresponsible, callous, or cold. Suppose that we are irritable, critical, impatient and humorless. Suppose we lavish attention upon one member of the family and neglect the others. What happens when we try to dominate the whole family by a rule of iron or by a constant outpouring of minute directions for just how their lives should be lived from hour to hour? Such a roster of harms done others - the kind that make daily living with us as practicing alcoholics difficult and often unbearable - could be extended almost indefinitely. When we take such personality traits as these into the shop, office, and the society of our fellows, they can do damage almost as extensive as that we have caused at home."

-- The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pages 80-81 --

 In Step Four (in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions) Bill W. notes that our "desires" or "instincts" - for sex, for material and emotional security, and for companionship - may "far exceed their proper functions." Again, in Step Six he observes that, "(n)o matter how far we have progressed, desires will always be found which oppose the grace of God." Then, in Step Eight, he observes that the "harms" we have caused others are the product of "instincts in collision." For recovery and true emotional sobriety, it is thus necessary for us to examine such instincts - irrespective of how gross or subtle they may be - and make our amends for the instances and circumstances in which our instincts have driven us blindly, resulting in the "harms" we have caused to others.

It is relatively easy to examine our grosser instinctual missteps, the remembrance of which gives us the moral shudders. "How could I have done that?" we wonder, as we recall such instances with a mixture of regret, embarrassment and remorse. It is these instances that, perhaps, formed the bulk of our initial Fourth Step inventory. Examination of the subtler harms we have caused - at least for this alcoholic addict - prove the harder to recognize, face and amend. The fine line between the legitimate protection of those we love and care for and the selfish instinct to control and manage our lives by controlling the actions of those closest to us is indeed subtle. ("Mastery of life," one spiritual teacher observed, "is the opposite of control.")

For example, controlling others through an outburst of anger is both memorable for its intensity and eminently regrettable, while controlling others through our over-weaning anxieties is much more easily overlooked. Yet both these instinctual drives must be overcome if we are to effectively turn our will and our lives over to the care of our Higher Power and, more particularly, if we are to leave it there! And just as it seems that our coarser defects of character are easier to spot and overcome, so our subtler defects seem to be all the more difficult to weed out.

Thus, even when we have made our initial amends, we must take a daily look at our character defects, paying careful attention to subtler manifestations of our self-centered instincts. These subtle shortcomings may seem to be dangerously innocuous when compared, to say, an ugly outburst of anger or a brooding resentment over the actions of others.

"Our basic troubles are the same as everyone else's," Bill points out, "but when an honest effort is made "to practice these principles in all our affairs," well-grounded A.A.'s seem to have the ability by God's grace, to take these troubles in stride and turn them into demonstrations of faith."

"Like most people," he observes, "we have found that we can take our big lumps as they come. But also like others, we often discover a greater challenge in the lesser and more continuous problems of life. Our answer," he notes, "is still more spiritual development."

"Only by this means," he points out, "can we improve our chances for really happy and useful living. And as we grow spiritually, we find that our old attitudes toward our instincts need to undergo drastic revisions."

[The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 114.]

Our Life's Contribution: To Comfort, Understand and Love

Ego deflation at depth as a result of spiritual awakening, the "dying to self" of our Eleventh Step prayer, is a rebirth of who we are in our essence, a point made clear in the following excerpt from "As Bill Sees It" (via The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions):

Our New Employer

We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed his work well.

Established on such a footing, we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life.

As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear or today, tomorrow, or the hereafter. We were reborn.

But just how do we determine what we can contribute to, rather than take from life? Again, the answer is in the Eleventh Step prayer, where we seek "to comfort, rather than be comforted; to understand, rather than to be understood; (and) to love, rather than to be loved." And, like so many of the other paradoxes we find in living a spiritual life, we find that in practicing such principles, we too find that we are comforted, understood and loved. Who would have guessed?

Establishing "Conscious Contact" with God

"In meditation," we read in the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous (at page 69)," we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The answer will come, if we want it."

This instruction dealing with our sex relations, and simple on its face, is found in the instructions for how to do Step Four, yet its forward looking implications are for Step Nine and (perhaps more importantly) for Step 12, where we endeavour to "practice these principles in all our affairs." Its inclusion in Step Four is an indication that as part of Step Two and Step Three we have already begun to seek out, through the practice of prayer and meditation, a conscious contact with God.

Indeed, the "word-of-mouth program" from the Oxford Group that Ebby T. passed on to Bill W. stressed the need for daily periods of meditation. In the "Three Talks to Medical Societies" pamphlet, we read that the sixth 'step' that Ebby relayed to Bill was: "By meditation, (we) sought God's direction for (our) life and help to practice these principles of conduct at all times." Similarly, Step Eleven in A.A.'s suggested program of action says that we seek "through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact" with the God of our understanding.  If we are to "improve our conscious contact with God," we must have already established such conscious contact at some earlier point in the Steps.

All of this implies, of course, that meditation is one of the fundamental practices that facilitates the spiritual awakening that is necessary for recovery from alcoholic addiction, and that we are faced with the necessity of practicing meditation even before we hit Step Four. It implies, it would seem, that beginning the practice of meditation is an integral part of "turning our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him" in Step Three, for without it we are flying blind.

Steps Four through Step Nine will, of course, relieve the sufferer of many of the punishing thoughts and emotions based on past events that fuel his or her sense of discomfort, irritability, restlessness and discontent, but it is in the state of higher God-consciousness attained in meditation that we find real release. Thus, we are urged to make time for a period of quiet each morning before we start the affairs of the day, seeking guidance for what we should do; and we are urged to take a similar period of quiet each evening, before we retire to bed.

By establishing such a routine we find a place of quiet consciousness to which we can retreat when the going gets tough during our day, and in which we can recollect ourselves and what we are aiming at - i.e., to be of maximum service to God and our fellow beings. It is, as a plaque on Dr. Bob's desk says, "to have a blessed home in (ourselves) where (we) can go in and shut the door and pray to (our God) in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble."

The Use of Will Power and a Higher Power

An alcoholic addict who has progressed beyond a certain point in his or her addiction loses all will-power and cannot, it seems, stop and remain abstinent on their own. This loss of the power of the unaided will - which may remain effective with respect to other areas of his or her life, but is wholly non-existent when it comes to drinking and drugging - is the essence of alcoholic addiction.

The 'Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous states this plainly in the following paragraph (which is italicized in the 'Big Book' in order to emphasize its importance):

"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

[Alcoholics Anonymous, page 24.]

Our being "without defense" against that first drink or hit of a drug, means that we cannot safely rely upon our ordinary will power, nor on all that we have learned in Alcoholics Anonymous (or any of its sister organizations). At such times, we need to be able to effect and maintain a conscious contact with "a Power greater than ourselves" in order not to act on the self-will that tells us it is okay to start the party rolling again. We must be able to attain to the higher part of our consciousness (what the more religious members of A.A. call "God-consciousness), and make our decisions about what to do from that level of consciousness, where the stressors and thoughts that lead us to want to drink and/or drug are absent. Without such conscious contact, we are "without defense," and we may well drink and/or drug again.

To admit just how powerless and defenseless we remain over alcohol initially goes against all we are taught.

Advertising makes it clear that we should: "Be an army of one! Take a licking and keep on ticking! Just do it!" Poor Charlie Brown tells himself, yet again, "You can do anything, as long as your grit your teeth!" Yet inevitably, time after time, Lucy pulls the football away just as he is about to kick it.

Thus, at page 22 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, we read:

"When first challenged to admit defeat, most of us revolted. We had approached A.A. expecting to be taught self-confidence. Then we had been told that so far as alcohol was concerned, self-confidence was no good whatever; in fact, it was a total liability. There was no such thing as personal conquest of the alcoholic compulsion by the unaided will."

So where, then, do we turn for someone or something to 'aid' our will power in order that we have a defense against the first drink or impulse to drug? The answer is that we turn to a Power greater than our unaided 'self,' to the "God of our own understanding," or to "the Great Reality deep down within us," which is discussed on page 55 of the 'Big Book.'

It is not that our will power is no good whatsoever. Quite the contrary. Rather, it is when we rely solely on the will power summoned by our ordinary egoic 'self'-consciousness that we are vulnerable. When we rely on the power of a will that has effectively been turned over to the care of a Power greater than our 'selves,' we become invested with a defense, and are no longer 'powerless' in the way we were when we were all on our own. Thus, in the Step Three essay in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, we read:

"It is when we try to make our will conform with God's that we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of will power. We had tried to bombard our problem with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps."

It is not that our will power is, per se, defective and thereby of no use in avoiding picking up a drink or taking a hit off of a crack pipe etc. It is trusting and acting only on the power of will that is based on our egoic, self-centered, self-consciousness thinking which provides us with "no defense." When we utilize our will power based upon and grounded in our higher, God-centered consciousness, we have an effective defense.

Therefore, just as alcoholism and addiction is progressive and fatal, so too we must seek - on a daily basis, and through meditation and prayer - to "improve our conscious contact with God." The secret to attaining and maintaining recovery from alcoholic addiction is, thus, a matter of changing (one day at a time) the ordinary state of our consciousness and being.

Humility: 'Blessed are the Meek' and Humbled

A  friend of mine who is a long-time spiritual seeker told me the following story of an encounter he had while on a retreat with his spiritual teacher, Andrew Cohen. While my friend is non-alcoholic, it nevertheless has a lot to say about alcoholic addiction, and specifically with the alcoholic addict's life-altering encounter with humility.

Cohen, who is Jewish by birth, underwent a radical spiritual awakening with the help of a Vedantist guru in India, who himself was from the lineage of the great sage Ramana Maharshi. Cohen now teaches a cutting-edge brand of postmodern non-duality, which he calls "Evolutionary Enlightenment." Yet, on this retreat Cohen asked this group of non-alcoholic spiritual seekers what Jesus meant in the Beatitudes when he said, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."

The meek, in popular thought, are likely seen as the person who always yields to other people, to their decisions and their interests, even when their own views and interests are far different. The group apparently gave Cohen a number of such 'Uriah Heep-like' definitions which he found unsatisfactory.

Andrew Cohen, Editor-in-chief,
EnlightenNext magazine.

"The meek," Cohen reportedly told the group, "are those who have been humbled by life." Then, he made the observation: "That is why alcoholics or addicts in recovery are amongst the luckiest people in the world. They've been humbled by life and they have the opportunity to wake up, right now, and inherit the earth in the here and now."

I went home and consulted my dictionary, knowing what I would find. And sure enough, when I looked up 'humble,' I got a circular definition. (Humble, humility; humility, humiliation, humiliated; humiliated, humbled, etc.) But then, when I looked up 'meek,' right at the end of the definition it said, "meekness=humbleness." At last! And then, when I looked to the definition of 'meek,' it said, "free of self." I get a chill now remembering this.

But what is it to be humble, to be meek, to be free of self? Perhaps. the best definition of this is on a plaque that Dr. Bob kept on his desk. It reads:

HUMILITY

Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble, It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore; to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me.

It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut the door and pray to my Father in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble.

"It is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go in and pray to my father in secret and be at peace." This, of course is a reference to Matthew 6:6-14, where Jesus urges his followers to use meditative prayer and what has been known since then as "the Lord's Prayer."

Going into an  "inner room" and closing the door being a parable for meditation, meditative prayer is recommended in the following terms:

“But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.

“And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."

[Matthew 6:6-9.]

And thus it is that prayer and meditation are both necessary as we patiently try to perfect our spiritual condition, knowing that we will fall short. For anyone who has tried meditation for an extended period will be humbled by just how raucous and noisy their ordinary egoic self-consciousness is. But with persistent effort, the alcoholic addict can and will improve his or her conscious contact with God, as God can always be found in the quiet; particularly when one is alone with the door to the sometimes seemingly calamitous events of our life closed behind us.

"There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation and prayer," we read in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (at page 98). "Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakeable foundation for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse of the ultimate reality which is God's kingdom."

And that is humbling. Truly, we alcoholic addict's in recovery are, as Cohen told his students, "among the luckiest people in the world."

Stuck 'In a Rut' of Old Ideas, Emotions and Attitudes

Most of us have, at some time or other, been 'in a rut' in our sobriety. Going to meetings reluctantly and critically, not going to meetings, sober and self-satisfied with merely being sober, entertaining old ideas, we can go on day by day spinning our wheels spiritually, and thus digging ourselves a deeper rut.

In various stages of my early and middle sobriety I have been guilty of all of these "half-measures" and have suffered (and inflicted suffering on others, including those I love the most) as a result.

Indeed, looking back, I came very close to both drinking and drugging, as well as dieing, as a result of being in various of these 'ruts.' For as the novelist, Ellen Glasgow observed, "The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions."

At such times, it is essential to remember the first, most important, and ultimate lesson about recovery from an alcoholic addiction, the message that Carl Jung passed on to his one-time patient, a "certain American businessman," named Rolland Hazard:

"Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas emotions and attitudes which were once the guiding force of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them."

["Alcoholics Anonymous," page 27. Emphasis added.]

Hazard would pass this message on to Ebby Thatcher, who would come to be the sponsor of a then-drunk named Bill Wilson. Bill, in turn, would have just such a "vital spiritual experience," and would pass the message of his experience on to A.A. co-founder, Dr. Bob, and together they would carry this message to the world.

Thus, the question to ask for the sufferer stuck in his or her 'rut,' is whether their spirtual experience remains "vital" Is it "essential to (their) existing or functioning," "indisspensable" or "paramount" to use just a few simple dictionary definitions of "vital"?  If the sufferer is no longer "full of life or activity" and "lively" - to utilize another definition - the chances are he or she has slipped back into a 'rut' filled with old thoughts, feelings, and ways of thinking, and that he or she has once again picked up the old "ideas, emotions and attitudes," which had once been cast aside.

Remember: the only 'absolute' that is mentioned in the first 164 pages of the 'Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous comes in the "How It Works" reading, taken from the fifth chapter of the 'Big Book.' In it, we read: "Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely."

The initials 'A.A.' have often been said to stand for an "attitude adjustment," and, quite simply, an "attitude" is defined as "a setttled opinion or way of thinking," as well as "behaviour reflecting this." When we become judgmental about what is being said in a meeting, about how others are driving in traffic, about the words and actions of our loved ones or perfect strangers, it is a sure sign that our old "attitudes" or ways of thinking have returned - along with our old "ideas" - and that we are holding on to them.

And the result will be nil - we will be just as "irritable, restless and discontented" as any other alcoholic addict not drinking or drugging - until we again try to let go of such "old ideas."

"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels," we are warned, and "(w)e are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."

[Alcoholics Anonymous, page 85.]

A large part of that "daily maintenance" - referred to in Step 11 of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions as "self-examination" - is guarding against letting "old ideas" fester in our consciousness. And let's face it, the longer one is sober, the quicker the ideas we mull over in our mind become "old."

"Old ideas" are like Wrigley's chewing gum. Chew on them for a while, but they quickly lose their taste and appeal, and its then time to spit them out, not swallow them. Prayer and meditation make that possible.

Three Paths: Self-Examination, Meditation and Prayer

As alcoholic addicts "in recovery" we are blessed people. Most addicts will die without ever knowing recovery . . . perhaps without knowing, or believing, there is such a thing as recovery. Many friends we ran with are already gone. And, even most the so-called "normal" people will go their own graves questioning if there is such a thing as God . . . or, worse yet, 'bargaining' with him. Very few will awaken to the reality that underneath their ordinary ego-consciousness lies the Infinite and the Divine.

"For the most of us the secret of man still remains to be mastered. What has lain dark in the earlier centuries remains unrevealed. . . . The majority of men will die without caring and without knowing whether man has something divine in him or is a mere skin-bag of flesh, blood, bones nerves and muscles. They are strangers to their own selves.
          (Paul Brunton, "Discover Yourself," page 133.)

However, to reap the blessings that recovery offers, it is essential that we work to attain the higher levels of "God-consciousness" that are available within us. The 12 Steps require a concerted and daily practice of prayer, meditation and self-examination to do so.

While prayer - like self-examination and, particularly, meditation - is 'good in and of itself' and "can bring much relief and benefit," It is when meditation, self-examination and prayer "are logically related and interwoven" that they provide us with "an unshakeable foundation for living." ("Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions," page 98.) We begin the process of "self-examination" by writing out a 4th Step moral inventory, and continue to (or continuously) take a "fearless moral inventory" through application of Step 10. In Step 11, both prayer and meditation are required.

Meditation without prayer is mute; prayer without meditation is deaf; either, without an initial and continuing self-examination, are bound to fall short of providing a sane, happy and purposeful life, as one will basically be talking and listening to one's "self."

Without consistent and persistent "self-examination, we are blinded to the spiritual reality that we are far greater than, and separate from, that "painful inner dialogue" of our egoic "self." If we are to establish and build a channel to our higher consciousness (or "God-consciousness," as the more religious call this inner resource), we need to discipline our apparent "self" so that it may be "reduced at depth."

Remember the cautionary warning we are given in Step Three of the "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions," pp. 39-40: "More sobriety brought about by the admission of alcoholism and by attendance at a few meetings is very good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from permanent sobriety and a happy and contented life."

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Those who work through - and then work on - the 12 Steps are offered a gift that is rare, and perhaps rarer still in the world outside of meetings and our circles of friendships. As Swami Vivikenanda, one of the first and great Eastern spiritual teachers to visit the West in the early 1900s, observed:

" . . . (N)ot one in a million can think of anything other than phenomena. To the vast majority of men nature appears to be only a changing, whirling, combining mingling mass of change. Few of us ever have a glimpse of the calm sea beneath."

* * * * *
The alcoholic addict in recovery is truly a blessed person . . . and all our suffering was just a blessing we could not see at the time!

How NOT to Act via 'Self-Will'

The"Stream of Consciousness" versus "God-Consciousness"

"We found the Great Reality deep down within
us. In the last analysis it is only there He may
be found." (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 55.)    

Knowing that "self" is none other than the ordinary human "ego" - what the psychologist, William James, termed the "stream of consciousness" - how do we refrain from acting (or "acting out") based on the thought stream that is coursing through our mind? How exactly can we be released from "the bondage of self"?

The key is in our ability to "respond" to whatever the situation is (implying a sober, second 'thought') rather than "reacting" to it (implying immediate, instinctive 'action' based on our first thoughts about the situation) Fortunately, the Twelve Steps give us several tools that help us do this, thereby allowing us to operate under the care and protection of a Power greater than our "selves" rather than under our own "steam."

First, and foremost, we have Step Three and the Serenity Prayer. In the "Big Book' of Alcoholics Anonymous' taking the Third Step for the first time is quite simple: You say the prayer, then pick up pen and start writing out your moral inventory. However, having gone through Steps Four to Step Nine, we are required to "practice" Step Three (as well as Step Ten) on a continuous basis: But how do we practice Step Three effectively, so that what we 'do' or 'say' (or 'don't do' or 'don't say') - i.e., the exercise of our will, or deciding faculty - is based on "God's will" rather than on the imperative drives and instincts of the ego and our egoic, 'self-will'?

Plan A: Step Three and the Serenity Prayer

In the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (at pages 40-41) we read that each time we are emotionally disturbed or indecisive (i.e., we don't know what we should either 'say' or 'not say, or 'do' or 'not do'), we  can (if we so choose) "stop," "pause," ask for "quiet" and say the Serenity Prayer. (Of course, this means we need to 'stop' and pause' the raucous thoughts of the "ego' or "stream of consciousness" rather than slamming on the brakes when frustrated over the traffic on the freeway. We are always dealing in Step Three with the level of our consciousness - the "self," or ego-consciousness, versus the "innermost Self" or "God-consciousness,"as our "more religious members call it.")

To effectively "stop" and "pause" the ego (or what Bill elsewhere calls "that painful inner dialogue"), however, it is essential that we take periods of "quiet time" in the morning and evening in order to find the place of "quiet" within our consciousness (in this instance, God-consciousness) that we can then retreat to when our emotions are running wild or we just don't know what to say or do in the situation we are presented with. This is an absolutely essential component of "the daily maintenance" that we need to "maintain our spiritual condition."

Our instinctive emotions, if used effectively, can be a wonderful tool - a biological 'early warning device' - that allows us to know that our thinking (the "ideas" that drive our "feelings," and our" "attitude, or the habitual way we think and our thought patterns) has once again gone askew. To correct our ideas and attitude, and to rid ourselves of the toxic emotions that would otherwise cause us to "react" rather than "respond" to our circumstances, we consider and recite the Serenity Prayer.

First, we ask for the "serenity," which is really an affirmation and invocation of the presence of a "conscious contact" in our mind with a Power that is greater than our egoic selves - i.e., we invoke, or turn our mind, to our "higher, God-consciousness." To do so, we need "courage" in facing whatever our circumstances are at that moment. "Courage" - from the French "couer," meaning "heart" - is the process of "letting go" of our self-absorbed, ego-consciousness and "letting God," or the God-consciousness that is at the center, or 'heart' of our being, emerge so that we may "respond" with the right action, rather than "reacting" from the ego-powered and most-often misguided and fear-driven drives and instincts. Finally, the "wisdom," which we have already gained from the cumulative, day-after-day practice of the Twelve Steps (particularly Steps Three and Step Eleven) is simply the knowledge that there are, in essence, two "selves" - the narrow "self" which is the "ego," and the expansive, all-inclusive "Self" which is an integral part of, and acts as an agent of, "the God of our understanding." (After all, if God is truly "everything or nothing," we are a part of that Whole, in which "we live, and move, and have our being.").

Plan B: The Four Absolutes

While the Serenity Prayer is best suited to, and is essential for, the moments in life when we are emotional disturbed (i.e., consumed by 'fear-activated' pride, greed, anger, lust etc.), the little known Four Absolutes are immensely helpful when we really "do not know what to do" - when we are truly "indecisive." (Note: This is different from knowing what the right thing to do is - like promptly admitting when we are wrong - but not wanting to do it!)

The "Four Absolutes" at Dr. Bob's graveside.

Little known - as they were not included in A.A.'s early literature out of concern that the then-well known Four Absolutes would publicly identify A.A. with the Oxford Group - Bill, when asked why there was no reference to them in the 'Big Book' or Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, explained they were "implicit" in each of the 12 Steps.

In the "Co-Founders" pamphlet, Dr. Bob explains that when he did not know what to do he would run his ideas through the Four Absolutes (honesty, purity, unselfishness and love) and usually they would provide him with the answer of what to do - based on God's will and not his own. If still indecisive, he said, he would then run the potential scenarios past a friend that was better positioned to make such a decision. (Note to the A.A. "purist" - aside from the "Co-Founders" pamphlet, the Four Absolutes are discussed in "Doctor Bob and the Good Old-Timers," as well as in "Pass It On!," all of which are Conference-approved A.A. literature.)

The four Absolutes, themselves, are very easy to quickly and effectively use. In respect of 'Absolute Honesty' - the first of the Four Absolutes - one asks oneself, in respect of what one is about to 'say' or 'do' (or 'not say' or 'not do'), "Is it true or is it false?" In respect of Absolute Purity, one asks: "Is it right, or is it wrong?" In respect of Absolute Unselfishness, putting oneself and one's own interests out of the situation and completely out of mind, one asks: "How will this affect the other fellow?" And, in terms of Absolute Love, one asks: "Is it beautiful, or is it ugly?"

In the "Co-founders" pamphlet, which sets out the ever-practical and humble Dr. Bob's last major public talk, he says this (in part) about the history, application and usefulness of the Four Absolutes:

"The four absolutes, as we called them, were the only yardsticks we had before the Steps. I think the absolutes still hold good and can be extremely helpful. I have found at times that a question arises, and I want to do the right thing, but the answer is not obvious. Almost always, if I measure my decision carefully by the yardsticks of absolute honesty, absolute unselfishness, absolute purity, and absolute love, and [if] it checks up pretty well with those four, then my answer can't be very far out of the way. If, however, I do that and I'm still not satisfied with the answer, I usually consult with some friend whose judgment, in this particular case, would be very much better than mine. But usually the absolutes can help you to reach your own personal decision without bothering your friends."

 "Four Absolutes" pamphlets can still be purchased through the Cleveland District's Central Office (here), or can be downloaded from a number of independent websites (here and here).

[Reminder to myself: "Thy will, not mine, be done!"]

Bill's Reflections on A.A. . . . Its History, Message and Solution

"Three Talks" Pamphlet

Of all the pamphlets published by Alcoholics Anonymous, perhaps the most helpful - at least for beginning members who have taken Step One and admitted their alcoholism and personal powerlessness - is the "Three Talks to Medical Societies by Bill W., co-founder of AA," pamphlet. Certainly, it is the only pamphlet that is referred to directly in the Big Book (in Appendix III, "The Medical View on A.A.") The "Three Talks" pamphlet provides beginners with a brief, yet concise, history of A.A., its message  and "solution."

Taken from Bill's 1958 presentation to the New York City Medical Society on Alcoholism, the first of the "Three Talks" is particularly helpful, giving a precise synopsis of how A.A. came to be formed, how the program works, and just what A.A.'s "solution" for the suffering alcoholic is.

After preliminary remarks, Bill dives right into the history and message of A.A., relating how Carl Jung told Oxford Grouper to-be, Rolland H. (that "certain American business man" described on page 26 of the Big Book) that once in a while a "vital spiritual experience" will remove an alcoholic's mania for drink. Bill describes this as the moment when "the first taproot of A.A. hit paydirt."

Importantly, Bill includes Dr. Jung's description of precisely how these "huge emotional displacements and rearrangements" affect the psyches of alcoholics:

"Ideas, emotions and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them."

(This, of course, is what happened to Bill when he had his sudden and abrupt "spiritual awakening" in Townes Hospital, a number of years after Jung spoke to Rolland H.)

Next, Bill relates how Rolland carried this message to the man who would become Bill's "sponsor," Ebby Thattcher, thereby establishing "the second cardinal principle of A.A." - the "identification at depth" of one alcoholic with another. (Elsewhere, he would call this principle, the only original idea in A.A.'s 'program,' everything else being "borrowed" from other sources, ancient and modern.)

Bill then tells how Ebby visited him at his home (the night that Bill's "gin would last longer than his preaching"), and he then sets out the simple, "word-of-mouth" program of action that Ebby had been working and offered to Bill, in the following manner:

1. Ebby admitted that he was powerless to manage his own life.
2. He became honest with himself as never before; made an "examination of conscience."
3. He made a rigorous confession of his personal defects and thus quit living alone with his problems.
4. He surveyed his distorted relations with other people, visiting them to make what amends he could.
5. He resolved to devote himself to helping others in need, without the usual demand for personal prestige or material gain.
6. By meditation, he sought God's direction for his life and the help to practice these principles of conduct at all times.

 (Bill later explains that, "For the sake of greater clarity and thoroughness, the word-of-mouth program which my friend Ebby had given me was enlarged into what we now call A.A.'s 'Twelve Suggested Steps for recovery.'")

Note that the only reference to "a Higher Power" is in Ebby's last point, that "by meditation" direction and help was sought. Of course, A.A.'s Step 11 says that it is "through meditation and prayer" that we seek "to improve our conscious contact with God" as we understand that conception. Yet, how many times do we hear continually relapsing A.A. members - and even season veterans - relating how they pray, pray, pray. And how many times do they mention meditation? This is no small point. Oxford Groupers and early A.A. members had a sustained practice of meditation or "quiet time" in the morning, before they made their plans for the day, and a similar meditation time at night.

"By meditation, he sought
          God's direction for his life . . ."

If all we do is "talk" to God - affirming and invoking God's presence and power in our lives - but never "listen" in meditatioin, how are we to effect a conscious contact. It is through meditation that we gain the ability to change the level and focus of our consciousness (from self-consciousness, which is the problem, to God-consciousness, which is the solution).

At Step 11 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Bill describes  how an interwoven and logically interrelated practice of "self-examination, meditation and prayer" will provide us with an "unshakeable foundation." Prayer, while beneficial in and of itself, is not sufficient. Meditation must be a part of our practice to gain the ultimate benefits that A.A. offers.

Finally, Bill relates his own sudden spiritual awakening, how William James' Varieties of Spiritual Experience confirmed the reality of his experience, and how the Varieties outlined that "ego deflation at depth," or "a complete defeat in a controlling area of life," is a necessary precondition for a true and effective spiritual experience.

The balance of the Three Talks pamphlet describes the contribution of Townes Hospital's Dr. Silkworth, his contribution that clarifies alcoholism is both an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind, and the further growth of the A.A. movement.

Of course, alcoholism and addiction are no less a problem now than they were in 1958. Yet Bill's closing remarks to the medical professionals of New York is no less relevant. He concludes by making a pledge that "A.A. will always stand ready to cooperate" with the whole medical community. "When our combined understanding have been fully massed and applied," he presciently predicts, "we of A.A. know that we shall find our friends of medicine in the very front rank - just where so many of you are already standing today."

This last remark stands out when we consider that "detox" and "rehab" were not a part of the larger vocabulary in 1958. And yet, it clarifies the point that both A.A. and the medical/treatment center communities have a vital role to play in providing a "solution" to the still suffering alcoholic addict.

The 11th Step Prayer - Invocation, Meditation & Contemplation

In the 11th Step prayer (or St. Francis' Prayer), set out on page 99 of The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, we pray that God "make us a channel of thy peace." How do we become a "peace channel", and why a "channel" at all?

Page 55 of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, makes it clear that "the fundamental idea of God" is deep within the consciousness of each of us - man, woman and child. Such higher consciousness (most especially in the mind of the chronic alcoholic addict) may, however, be obscured by the cloud of three particular mental manifestations or constructs of extreme 'self-consciousness': namely, those of "calamity, pomp and worship of other things".

It is this "Great Reality deep down within us" described on page 55 - or what the Spiritual Experience Appendix describes as "an unsuspected inner resource" - which is the "peace" in the channel of peace sought through the 11th step prayer. It is by facing the powerful, inner and near-hypnotizing manifestations of "self" - the inner calamity, pomp, and worship of other things such as money, prestige, sex relations - and then going beyond the narrow confines of this self-consciousness to a deeper consciousness, that we will find true peace of mind. But how specifically do we do this?

Evening Contemplation for Spiritual Awakening

"Each worldly person, moralist, spiritual aspirant and yogi - like a devotee - should every night before retiring ask his intuition whether his spiritual faculties or his physical inclination of temptation won the day's battles between good and bad habits; between temperance and greed; between self-control and lust; between honest desire for necessary money and inordinate craving for gold; between forgiveness and anger; between joy and grief; between moroseness and pleasantness; between kindness and cruelty; between selfishness and unselfishness; between understanding and jealousy; between confidence and fear; between faith and doubt; between humbleness and pride; between desire to commune with God in meditation and the restless urge for worldly activities; between spiritual and material desires; between divine ecstasy and sensory perceptions; between soul consciousness and egoity."

Paramahansa Yogananda,God Talks with Arjuna: The Bhagavad Gita, Volume I, p. 48.